Today, as you just heard, the topic is, as I, when I walked out just a minute ago, I noticed, I never even paid attention exactly the way it's worded, it says, \"Education of Your Children\". I would really say it's not education of your children, it's education of our children, and therefore, that makes it even more important because it's not education, not dealing with somebody else's things, it's our own, educating our children, and therefore, it's very important to know the importance and to know what to do basically, not really what to do, this is not going to be a Shulchan Aruch on what to do, but to get ideas of what we're trying to accomplish when we talk about chinuch of children, the education of the children. We know that to educate one's children in the right way is one of the most important obligations that parents have. Actually, I would like to quote a statement that's printed in Hayom Yom, which is taken from what the Rabbi Rashab said once, now I'll read it in the English, so people will understand. The Rabbi Rashab said like this, \"Just as wearing tefillin every day is a mitzvah commanded by the Torah to every individual, regardless of his standing in Torah, whether deeply learned or simple, so too is it an absolute duty for every person to spend a half hour every day thinking about the Torah education of children and to do everything in his power and beyond his power to inspire children to follow the path along which which they are being guided.\" So he says that as important as it is to put on tefillin, which is a mitzvat aseh of the Torah, it's a positive mitzvah of the Torah, so too is as important and it's a commandment upon every person, every single parent, to spend a half hour every day to think about the education of the children. Now here we see an interesting thing. He compares the chinuch of children, thinking and doing all that in the power of the person and beyond his power to educate the children, he compares it to the mitzvah of wearing tefillin, which is a mitzvat aseh of the Torah. Now we know if we're going to get technical, we're going to get halachadikly, we know that the mitzvah of chinuch is not a mitzvah of the Torah. The mitzvah of training children, educating children to do mitzvot, is not a commandment of the Torah. It is a commandment of the רבנן, not of the Torah. From the Torah, we are only commanded to learn Torah with our children, to teach a child Torah. For a father to teach a child Torah is a commandment of the Torah, it's one of the תרי״ג mitzvot, one of the 613 mitzvot of the Torah. But that a father should see that his child should perform the mitzvot, that is not a mitzvah of the Torah. That is a מצוה מדרבנן, the רבנן added that mitzvah. In that itself there are different opinions what the mitzvah is. Did the רבנן just put the obligation upon the parent? Or did the רבנן also put an obligation on the child, that the child is obligated to do all the מצות מדרבנן? But whichever way it is, it's definitely not from the Torah. Here we see that he equates the worrying and caring and thinking about the chinuch of the children, and not only about teaching them Torah, he talks about inspiring the children to follow the path along which which they are being guided, which means to follow the path to do the mitzvot, and he equates it to the mitzvah of putting on tefillin, which is a mitzvah of the Torah. What does that mean? How can he say that it's like putting on tefillin when it's not? Putting on tefillin a mitzvah is a מצוה מן התורה, a מצוה מדאורייתא, a mitzvah of of the Torah, while chinuch is only a מצוה מדרבנן. The answer is we find in a sichah that the Rebbe explained once, why is it that this mitzvah of chinuch to educate the children, is a מצוה מדרבנן only on the men, only on the fathers? On the mothers there is no mitzvah of chinuch. She doesn't have the obligation of chinuch. And the Rebbe asked, why is it? And he explained that it's not because she has less obligation. It's the opposite. A woman has it within her, a mother has it within her to educate the child, that she doesn't have to be commanded. She doesn't have to be told. In other words, by not being told it's not to minimize her obligation, but it strengthens the obligation, that shows that the obligation is so part of her, she doesn't have to be told to do it. Which is probably the reason why the Shelah, the famous Shelah, the big מקובל, wrote writes that women are obligated to educate their children. And all the mefarshim ask, how could the Shelah say that? Everyone knows that the mitzvah of chinuch is not a mitzvah on the women, on the mothers, it's a mitzvah only on the fathers. How could the Shelah say that they are נשים מצוות he said, and that women are commanded to see their children go in the right path? The answer is very simple: they are commanded, it's not an official commandment. You don't need an official commandment because they will do it without that official commandment. It's similar to a different thing. It says that the men have a mitzvah of having children. The mitzvah of פריה ורביה, of multiplying, is on the men, but the women don't have that mitzvah. It says, האיש מצווה על פריה ורביה, a man is commanded in this mitzvah of פריה ורביה, ואין והאשה מצווה, a woman is not commanded. And we have the same question: why wouldn't the woman be commanded? And the answer is given that she doesn't have to be commanded. It's within her, she knows that she will fulfill it, you don't have to command her. There's another place, a similar place, which is different than what people think. It says that when Hashem told Moshe Rabbeinu to speak to the Yidden before Matan Torah, he said, כה תאמר לבית יעקב וכה תגיד לבני ישראל. This is how you should speak to the women, and to the women he said you should speak softly, don't speak harshly, but to the men you can speak harshly. So some people think the pshat is because, you know, the women, their nature is different, they couldn't take harsh words, you've got to be very nice and soft with them. But the Rebbe says that's not the pshat. The pshat is that they don't need harsh words. For them, soft words will do the job, it will be enough, because they are more receptive, while the men, if you just speak softly, it won't be enough, you got to go stronger. The same thing here: you don't have to be very strong and command the women to do it. But the same thing in general is the reason why there is no commandment of chinuch from the Torah. Not because it is not such an important obligation that the Torah doesn't command us to do it. The Torah relied on the people doing it themselves. It's such an important thing that everybody, on his own, would understand that you have to educate your children to go in the proper way. That means that the fact that it wasn't it isn't an official commandment of the Torah doesn't minimize it, make it less important, it's because it's more important, which by the way would also explain why the Alter Rebbe, in a certain part of Tanya, in the הקדמה to חינוך קטן, he writes that the mitzvah of chinuch is a mitzvah of the Torah. And again, those that comment on Tanya ask, how could he write that it's a mitzvah of the Torah? Everyone knows that the mitzvah of chinuch is not a mitzvah of the Torah. And the answer, what he means is, it's as important as a mitzvah of the Torah, and it's so important that we don't even have to command the person to do it. And that's why here he equates the mitzvah of chinuch of educating the children to the mitzvah of putting on tefillin everyday. Just like everyday you have to put on tefillin, everyday the parents have to get involved in the chinuch of the children. Now concerning the men it seems that, even though the Torah did not obligate them because the Torah understood that people will do it anyway, the Rabbanan had to give a little push, so they had to put the obligation on. By the women, the Rabbanan didn't even put the obligation on because they understood that the men the women will do it anyway. But whichever day way we look at it, it is definitely one of the most important obligations upon parents is to educate the children. We know that the future of Klal Yisrael, the future of every family depends on the education of the children. That's why by Matan Torah when Hashem wanted someone to guarantee, when they said the nevi'im will guarantee, the prophets will guarantee, Hashem didn't accept it; when they said that the avot, our forefathers will guarantee, Hashem didn't accept it; when they said בנינו ערבים בעדנו, our children will guarantee, which means they actually said we promise that we will educate our children to follow the ways of Torah, then Hashem said that's a guarantee, because then we are guaranteed that the Torah is going to continue. That's how important the mitzvah of chinuch is.

Now there are two parts to what we have to talk about today: what we want to accomplish with chinuch, what is our goal, what do we have to do to what are we trying to reach, what are we trying to accomplish, and the second thing is how to do it. What we're trying to accomplish is two things: we want that the child should grow up and know what is right and what is wrong. The child should know what is truthfully, be'emet, ultimately right and wrong, the real right and wrong, because in the world right and wrong is basically relative, relative to this, this is right, relative to this is wrong. Plus, what people think is right and wrong is not necessarily right and wrong. The people themselves change from time to time. What's today right, tomorrow they is wrong, and what's today wrong, tomorrow is right. So there is really no absolute right and wrong. The only absolute right and wrong is the Torah. What the Torah says is right, that we know is right. What the Torah says is wrong, we know is wrong, whether we understand it or we don't understand it. This is 100%, this is the fact. If you want to put it in other words, in more spiritual words, spirituality, ruchniyut, is right. Godliness is right. Gashmiyut is wrong. The only time gashmiyut is right, if it is for the sake of ruchniyut, if it's an expression of ruchniyut, you use it for ruchniyut. But gashmiyut in itself is wrong, while ruchniyut in itself is right. Which means, in other words, Torah and mitzvot and eidelkeit and feinkeit and kedushah, these are things which are right. So the first thing, we have to teach the child, that the child should understand what is right and what is wrong. And the second step is that after he knows, or she knows, what is right and what is wrong, the child has to know that you have to follow and behave according to what you know in your mind is right, because it's possible for someone to know that something is right and something is wrong, but nevertheless you have a yetzer hara, you have a ta'avah, you have a desire, and you want to do something naturally that's wrong. So it's not enough just to know what is right and what is wrong. What you have to do the next step is that when you know that this is right, this is what you should do, even if naturally you have an instinct to want to do what is wrong. That's the second step. The Rebbe explains in a sichah a very interesting peshat in לדוד ה' אורי. I'm not going to get into peshat here, but nevertheless it explains the whole idea. We say this twice a day in the month of Elul and into the month of Tishrei. And there David Hamelech says like this: ה' אורי וישעי, Hashem is my light and my help. What does that mean Hashem is my light and my help? So he explains like this: the first thing a person is supposed to know, what is right and what is wrong. Light represents knowledge. When it's light in the room, you could see: this is good and this is bad, this is a door that will open a treasure, this is a hole a door that will open a pit that you'll fall in. Now light doesn't change anything, light doesn't make something good or bad, it just reveals. Light is knowledge that you understand. So the Rebbe says like this: the peshat is, the first thing that we have to know is אורי. We have to have the light. We have to know what is what is right and what is wrong. But then after that, even after we know what is right and what is wrong, we still need ישעי. ישעי means help. We still need help from Hashem to follow the right path, because it's possible you'll know what is right and what is wrong, but your yetzer hara comes to the person and says: you know, dos gefelt dir, do it even though it's wrong, tomorrow you'll do teshuvah, all kinds of ideas the yetzer hara comes to a person. So you need a special koach, a special strength to overcome the yetzer hara and do what is right and not to do what is wrong, even though naturally a person wants to do differently. So the general approach of a person is, we have to remember these two things. David Hamelech says this and we say it on the month of Elul, and this he's saying it in our name, that we have to know אורי, we have to have the light, then ישעי.

Now this is something that in order to follow to have this properly, you have to start when you're young. And you have to train the child and instill in the child to realize, to understand what is right and what is wrong, and we'll go with that step first, to understand that ruchniyut, Godliness, spirituality is right, and gashmiyut, anything that has to do with the material world, is wrong. And this is something that we have to work to instill in the child, because if we don't work to instill in the child and we'll leave the child grow up the way he is, we are guaranteed that he's not going to know this. This is not something that we could say that he will grow up on his own and find out, and know it, just by growing up. There are certain things that you just get just by growing up. This is something that a person will not get by growing up. A person is born, it says in the pasuk, אדם, עיר פרא יולד, a person is born wild, a person is born like a wilde chaya, that's the way a person is born. The pasuk says: כי יצר לב האדם רע מנעוריו. The יצר of the person is bad from his beginning. And the word מנעוריו, the Gemara says means נעוריו doesn't mean only from youth, ננער means when he's emptied out, from the moment he's emptied out from his mother's womb, he is born with the yetzer hara. Naturally, he is born with the yetzer hara, so naturally a person, if you just leave the person, the child, to grow up on his own, he will automatically follow the direction of gashmiyut rather than the direction of ruchniyut. The gashmiyut is something that you see, and the ruchniyut is not. And it's very simple to understand, because the way Hashem created the world, that even though we know that the truth of the world is Hashem, and Hashem made it, and then that's the pasuk says כי אמת השם לעולם. What's the אמת of the world? It's Hashem. But Hashem made it so that it's covered up. That if you look on your own without thinking deeper and without getting the proper education and proper preparation, you will not see Godliness in the world. So if a person is left on his own the way the world is, you will only see gashmiyut. You will not see ruchniyut. We don't see ruchniyut. It's only after you study and you learn and you train yourself, then you see ruchniyut. But stam, if a person would just continue the way it is normal without adding something from what we learned about, automatically there'll only be gashmiyut. And therefore, if a child, when a child is born, and a child would just grow up without instilling in the child anything about ruchniyut, he will automatically follow only the gashmiyut. His mind will only understand the gashmiyusdike world, and automatically his feeling will only be towards gashmiyut, and whatever is more gashmiyut he'll like more, and whatever makes him feel good with gashmiyut, that's what he's going to do, and you can't blame him, because this is the way Hashem made it. It's not his fault, it's Hashem's fault. That's the way Hashem created the world, that the world is העלם. The word עולם is העלם. There is a concealment of ruchniyut, that's the way Hashem made it. In order to bring ruchniyut into the world, you have to go and do something to break through the barriers of what the world is. But if you don't work on breaking it through, automatically, just by itself, you will have only gashmiyut. And therefore, if you're not if we're not going to work on teaching the child that ruchniyut is right and gashmiyut is wrong, we'll leave him alone, automatically we are guaranteed that he'll grow up following the way of gashmiyut and not having anything to do with ruchniyut, which means no Torah, no mitzvot, automatically he won't do it. It's not like some people think, well, he has free choice, let him choose by himself. Some people say that. Why educate the child to ruchniyut? Leave him on his own, let him choose on his own. We're not giving him free choice if we let him on his own. If we let him go on his own, then we're definitely letting him go to the other direction, because on his own we can't expect him to do anything which has to do with ruchniyut. On his own, he will definitely go gashmiyut. When you teach him and you instill in this person, this child ruchniyusdike concepts, then you're giving him free choice, because the gashmiyut is still there. I remember once the Rebbe spoke about those people who those non-religious Jews who claimed that they don't want to send their children to a Jewish education, to a Jewish school, a frumah school, and they claim because why should I pressure my child to push him in a certain direction? Let's wait till he gets older, become Bar Mitzvah, 13, 14, let him choose himself. And they say by all means, if the child will choose to be frum and to do mitzvot, fine, they have nothing against it. But why should I push it on the child? We have to give the child his own choice. Why are we going to pressure his life? So the Rebbe said it's just the opposite. If you don't send the child to a Jewish school, to a frumah school, you don't give him a proper Jewish education, you're not giving him a choice, because naturally, he will definitely choose the other way. There's no choice, he doesn't know anything else. Not a peshat that he will know both sides and he will make his own choice. As if you send him to a Jewish school and you give him a Jewish education, then he sees the Yiddishkeit also. He still has a free choice. You're not pressuring him to this side because the other side, the ta'avot of the gashmiyut are still there. Unfortunately, as much as you teach, you never take away the sense and the feeling and the desires to gashmiyut. That's always there. Unless you turn out to be a tzadik, then it's in Tanya, you take it away, you kill your yetzer hara, but otherwise it's always there. But what you do is you give him at least a choice, you show him this side too. So here you're giving him a choice. That's called giving the child a choice. But if you don't, the Rebbe said, and if you don't send the child to a Jewish school, you're not giving him a You're pushing him to a certain direction which you claim you don't want to do. So that's when we talk about the level of actually sending him to a Jewish school, not a Jewish school, to be frum or not frum. We're not talking at that level in in our circles, we're not talking about whether to be frum or not. We're talking about educating a child to be eidel, to be mensch, to a mensch, to be מהדר במצוות, to be a real פרום ירא שמים, The same thing, in a different level, but it's the same idea. If we don't work on it, then if you leave a child on his own, he will definitely, how would we call, a נטיה, a pull to the gashmiyusdike side. So, what we have to do is the first thing we have to put an effort in making sure that the child has the, has the first thing, the understanding that this is right and this is wrong, because otherwise, he will not know what is really right and what is really wrong without being blamed. Because if you leave him on his own, gashmiyut is right, that's what his body wants, so he will follow that way. So, we have to make sure that he understands, at least, what is right and what is wrong. Then we go to the second step, that after you know what is right and what is wrong, we have to make sure that the child doesn't follow what his heart desires, that whatever he realizes, that what we taught him is right, he should be able to behave that way regardless of what his body wants. That's the second step, because it's possible you know what is right and what is wrong because you were taught, but still, since this is what your heart desires, you would follow that way. So, that's the next step, that a person has to be trained, has to be taught, start from when he's a child in order to reach that point, to know that you have to control your heart, your desires, and you have to do what is right. And this is really, kashya, wait, and this is really from, in Tanya, it's interesting the way he puts it. Is there any, by any chance there an English Tanya? 'Cause the brain rules over the heart, as explained in Ra'aya Meheimna, by virtue of its innately, how was the word here? Innately. Innately created nature, for this is how man is created from birth, that each person may, with the willpower in his brain, restrain himself and control the drive of lust that is in his heart, preventing his heart's desires from expressing themselves in action, word, or thought, and divert his attention altogether from the craving of his heart towards the completely opposite direction, particularly in direction of holiness. In other words, what he says here is an interesting thing. He says here that it's natural within every person that the mind, the brain could control the heart. It's natural, a person is born that way. I'd like to know how many people really are that way. If it's born in every single person, you're born that way, why aren't people like that? Why don't you see that every person, his brain, his mind control the heart? We don't see that, really. And the reason is, I'll tell you why. It doesn't mean, the way it seems from just superficial learning of Tanya, that every person, just like that, is born that way and he has that power and he's able to control his heart. Every person, it doesn't happen automatically, every person is born with the potential ability, the potential ability that his mind should control his heart. But in order for that potential ability to come into being, to come into reality, you have to work on it. You have to train yourself, or in our case we're talking about training the child. I want to use an example, actually it's not such a, not the best example, it's a very elementary example, but it shows the point. In order for a child to know to control his physical needs of going to the bathroom, you have to train the child. Now, every person from birth is born with the potential, the ability of being able to control his physical needs, but if, let's say, you have a child that's born and no one told him about it, and no one trained him, he wasn't toilet trained, in simple words, and you grow up in the wilderness, would be like an animal, wouldn't even know that you're able to do it. Ai, every person has it? And every person has this potential, but you have to work to train the person in order to be able to use it. And the same is here, exactly. In order to use this power that every person has, that your mind controls the heart, every person has it, but you have to be trained. And if a person would be trained to do it, it would be an automatic thing. The reason why most people don't do it is because they weren't trained for it. But if they would be trained, they would do it, because every person has it within him or within her to be able to, to have the mind control the heart. So, therefore, it would be true to say that every person from birth has it, but, on the other hand, unfortunately, most people don't utilize it because they're not trained. And this is the job of the parents, to train the child from when the child is small, just like we have, lehavdil, the training, toilet training, and then automatically he's on his own, that's how the child grows up and behaves and lives that way, so too to train the child when the child is small that the brain has to control the heart, not Everything that the child wants, not everything that he feels he wants he has to get. In other words, there are two steps that we're talking about here, generally speaking. The two steps are, first you have to train the child to know what is right and what is wrong. That means, and I'm not saying what is right, everyone in his own way, we know one thing: what is right is ruchniyut and Torah and mitzvot, and what is wrong is everything else. And afterwards, after the because if you don't have that beginning, then you can't go any step further, because you don't know what's right and what's wrong. So, you have to train the child, you have to teach the child what is right and what is wrong, and then you have to go to the next step, to train the child to do what is right, to behave accordingly, not to give in to one's to the person's desire of the heart, because naturally, this is what happens. And again, for the same reason as I've said before, because naturally gashmiyut is something that we have a pull more, because that's something that we see. Ruchniyus is something that is beyond. We have to be taught about it, and that by itself it won't happen. We all know the famous vort of Reb' Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev, where he once turned around to the to the Eibershter, he used to always, you know, look for limud zechut, and he said, Hashem, I don't know what you want from your children, how you're complaining. He says, if you would have the ruchniyus and the Gan Eden and the Gehinnom and all the ruchniyusdike spiritual things in front of our eyes, and all the physical desires we'd have to learn about in a book, then you could complain, how come we behave the way we do? What you did was you took all the gashmiyus and all the ta'avot, that's something that we see, and the Gan Eden and the Gehinnom, and that you put into the Reshit Chochmah, into the sefer, and all the ruchniyusdike things you put into another sefer. You have to be thankful that the way we are the way we are, because how else would it be? In other words, normally, naturally, a human being is born and, if nothing will happen, he will be raised on world and worldly matters and gashmiyus, and that's what his sechel will follow, that's what his desires will follow. And what we have to work is fight that by training the child, that the child from when he's small, if we want him to be that when he grows up, to realize that ruchniyus and godliness and Torah and mitzvot, that is right. And other things are wrong, unless they're connected to Torah and mitzvot, which means that many of the things are connected, and therefore many things are right, but all because of the ruchniyusdike reason. And then, after that, the נטיה that we have should also not be because we have gashmiyusdike needs and that's what we want to do. We have to do what is right and what is wrong. So, we know what direction we have to go, but how do we do it? How do we instill this in the children?

So, we all know that the first thing is, and I kept on using the word training. Training. We have to train the children. That means training means not by doing it once or twice. Every day we have to be on top of it, and the child has to constantly hear from the parents this concept, the importance of Torah, the importance of mitzvot, and not only hear about it, but to be trained to do. I don't want to use the word brainwashing, but it wouldn't be wrong either. Just like everyone understands that there is nothing wrong in brainwashing a child not to steal, cuz people say, how could you to brainwash your child to to do mitzvot? The claim in the religious schools, in religious homes, it's brainwashing. The question is, why would they brainwash a child not to steal? And that's what they teach in schools, hopefully in public schools they teach that you shouldn't steal, you shouldn't you shouldn't kill, you shouldn't do all these terrible things, and they tell the child once, and they tell the child twice. Isn't that brainwashing? The answer is, sure it's brainwashing, but they're brainwashing to something that's right. You don't care if you brainwash a child not to steal. We know that it's right to do mitzvot. So, yes, we want to brainwash the child that the child should know that mitzvot are important, the most important part of this child's life, and mimela of his future life, is to do mitzvot and to learn Torah. That's what we have to do. This is one of the most important things in our generation. The Rebbe said every generation has its mitzvah that it has to be careful with the most. Our generation, the most important mitzvah is the mitzvah of chinuch. And I'll explain in a moment why that's the most important in our generation, more than before. But this is the most important thing, and we have to train the child, and the child has to see to hear from the parents the importance of ruchniyus, which touches another point. There are some people who claim that to teach children about spiritual matters is not correct. Why mix up the child's mind, let's say about malachim and about neshamot? Child doesn't understand. A child has no under no connection to these matters. How could you, oh, krichn, hakn to the child these things of Gan Eden, you tell the child in shamayim and there's Hashem and the malachim and. Why teach them? But they'll get a little older then try to explain. The truth is it's just the opposite. When you get older, then you start thinking everything with your physical mind trying to understand. Then things don't make sense. What's Gan Eden? What's Gehinnom? What are malachim? What flying around? It don't make no sense. So if you're gonna start later, it's nisht araynkrikhn in kop, it won't fall into your head. A child receives accepts everything. Child doesn't have no chachamot. So that's the time when we have to hak arayn to the child. Yes, we have to hak arayn to the child that there are malachim. We have to hak arayn the child that there are neshamot, and there is shamayim, and there are there is Gan Eden. The whole concept of spirituality has to become commonplace, has to be normal in the eyes of the child. Everyone knows the famous story of it's known in Lubavitch as the story of Shimon Hakofer. In the time of the Alter Rebbe, there was a guy was a big scholar, but he was a member of the השכלה movement, and he tried to penetrate into the religious circles. So he went to a certain city, I think Zamut, something like that, and he became a melamed, a teacher, and he started teaching children. And the while what he used to do, he used to teach the children slowly. He used to put in this his apikorsish ideas into the children, and finally he would send them away to Berlin to study. And he would tell the children would send to their parents he's sending them away to yeshiva. Anyway, he tried, and he tried, and they told him, in order for you to really penetrate, you have to penetrate to the chasidim. And the way to do it is go to the leader of the chasidim, to the Alter Rebbe, and convince him that you're a good melamed, and then So what happened was, he came to the Alter Rebbe. Wanted an audience, yechidut, went to yechidut. Told the Alter Rebbe, \"I'm a melamed of children. I'm from Zamut, I think the city it is, and I want you to give me הסכמה.\" And he says his main thing is he teaches them proper grammar, proper dikduk. And he told the Alter Rebbe that \"I saw your siddur, the our נוסח, the Alter Rebbe's נוסח, everything is exact according to grammar. I see that you are you appreciate grammar, and I follow that direction, so maybe you'll give me some kind of letter.\" The Alter Rebbe looked at him and says You know the Alter Rebbe יחידות used to have a candle burning. He took the candle, looked at him, and he says to him, \"You say you're a melamed. That's Let's I ask you a few questions. Fine.\" Says, \"We learned in Chumash, and it's hashgachah pratit that we just learned it in last week's parashah, two weeks ago, that when Esav came to Yitzchak to get the blessings after Yaakov had taken away the blessings, so it says that he got scared.\" Right, Yitzchak got scared. \"So Rashi so Rashi says there are two reasons why he got scared. One reason is simple pshat, he got scared because he would started realizing someone else came, took the brachos, 'Who are you?' Then Rashi says another pshat, he got scared because he saw the Gehinom open under Esav. So the Alter Rebbe says to him, 'How do you teach the children this pasuk?' So he says to the Alter Rebbe, 'How I teach? I teach them the pshater pshat.' So the Alter Rebbe says, 'Why don't you teach them the other pshat?' 'Well, they're little children, to tell them about Gehinom and tell them that the Gehinom is under Esav, how does it fit? How did that Gehinom fit into Yitzchak's room? Things don't make sense. The whole Gehinom went to Yitzchak's room, and Yitzchak was there, why didn't Yitzchak get burned? I mean, I say the kids won't understand, so I don't teach them.' So the Alter Rebbe looked at him, picked up the candles, and says to him, 'When a person is claims he's a melamed from Zamot, when really he's a person that sends children to the עבודה זרה from Berlin, and you come and you say that, and that's why,' he says, 'you don't teach the children about the Gehinom being under Esav, cuz you don't believe it yourself.' The guy, this is all taken from a letter he wrote to his superiors in Berlin. He ran out from that room, and he says, 'With these guys, I can't do anything. With the Chassidim, I'm not gonna accomplish.' So he tried somewhere else. But the whole point was, where did the Alter Rebbe see that this guy He had ruach hakodesh also, he realized he told him you're from Berlin, the fact that he wouldn't want to teach the children about the Gehinom. Why? Because they won't understand it. The contrary, you have to instill in the children the appreciation for ruchniyus, and that's the time. If you don't do it when they're young, you won't do it later. Later you start, then already when child is 13, 14, 15, he says, 'What is this? What is Gehinom? What is Gan Eden? Where do malachim come? What kind of How do they fly around? You have all' Doesn't work that way. If a child knows from before, you tell it to a child סיפורי צדיקים, you tell a child stories of tzadikim and miracles that happened, abnormal miracles. And some people say, 'Why mix up their head with that?' They have to get the feeling from when they are young that there is a metzius of ruchniyus. Just like they see from in front of their eyes a cup and water, and that's true, they have to realize that this is not the real truth. The real truth is there is a tzadik, and there is a bracha from a tzadik, and there is When a child when the A child has to know, God forbid someone in the family is sick, the first reaction he has to have is let's say a kapitel Tehillim, let's send ask for a bracha from the Rebbe. Then he should say, well, that you go to the doctor also, because you have to go to a doctor, which is true, you have to go. But he has to be raised on this idea that ruchniyus is important, that ruchniyus is not also important, but the most important thing. Torah is the most important thing. And this has to be instilled when you give a child, and we have to constantly be on top of it. It doesn't work by itself. When you give a child a cup to drink, we have to keep it in our mind to make sure: did you make a bracha? And you nudge at the child once, some people say: don't nudge at the child, leave him. You have to know, you have to have seichel, that's the truth. You have to have seichel not to overdo it, and sometimes you pull the string too much. That's why a parent has to have a sense of parenting, and knowing how to educate the children in a balanced way. But the nekudah, the point that has to be that we have to try to get is this: to be on top of it, and it comes from training. By itself it won't happen, and with one time it won't happen. The reason, like I said before, because what we're doing is we're fighting the nature of the child. We're not fighting We're not doing something in connection to what the nature is there anyway. In truth, very deep down, it's there. But in the גילוידיק, a revealed way, we're fighting the nature of, not this specific child, the nature of what human beings are. So you can't fight it just with a small thing, just well from once saying, well, I told the child already to make a bracha. So every time I have to remind him? Yes, every time you have to remind him. And the child has to know that this is What, you wake up in the morning, yes, you have to know negel vasser, yeah, when your child goes to sleep, yes, you have to know you have to say Shema, you have to say you have to kiss the mezuzah, you have The child has to be constantly trained and trained, as I say again, with seichel, and sometimes we do too much and it won't be good. We can't make a child feel like an outcast. Sometimes parents want the child to be very good, so they'll tell them: well, you know, you can't go and eat in this person's house and that, and they feel they're different than all other frumah children. See, that's something that you have to be very careful with, cause sometimes there are very frumah parents, and they train the children also to be very very frum, and then they the children feel very bad, and then sometimes it backfires. See, you tell the children: well, in our house we they're so careful. It's not about halacha, you can't eat this, can't That's But sometimes extra things that we do, you can't go there because And the child feels then sometimes You've got to be careful. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it can backfire. But without going overboard, we have to be on top of it, and that's called training, training once and again and again, and as we say, ס'האקט זיך אריין אין קאפ. It'll get into the child, and then the child will know this is truth and this is what life is all about.

And then there is another point to education of children. And I think this is even more important than what I've been saying till now. And that would be called in sefarim they call it the בדרך ממילאדיקע חינוך, the automatic chinuch. See, till now we're talking about what a person should do, consciously do in a positive way: do this, tell the child this, teach the child, tell him about ruchniyus, and then tell him to understand the importance of ruchniyus, and then the child will automatically And you teach him: you want to eat this? No, you can't eat it now because you just ate fleishigs, you can't eat milchigs. You got to wait six hours, whatever time the child is to wait, and you got to teach him and push it and not give in. But that's what you have to do. Then there is what we call the בדרך ממילאדיקע חינוך, the automatic chinuch that comes by itself. And that is more important than the first part. And that is the atmosphere in the home. That is the most important part. You cannot educate and teach a child to a certain direction when the atmosphere at home is different. You can't yourself behave one way and tell the child to do the other way. Impossible. You can't instill and האק א קאפ and האק אריין into the child how important it is to learn, and in the home, the learning is not an important thing. The father doesn't learn, or the mother, whatever, her share in learning is, it won't work. You can't also expect the school should educate a child in a certain direction, and at home will push to another direction, not consciously, and then you complain to the school. Not consciously, but the atmosphere at home is not the same as you you wanted the atmosphere of the school to be and the atmosphere of the school is, and then they come home, they see different. You can't האק on the child the importance of learning and not wasting time and you really mean it, and then he should come home and the parents sit by the television for two hours. It won't work, because it's a complete opposite. You're showing the child that what you're telling him is not true. Nobody is mevin, as we say, on truth as much as a little child. You think little children don't don't understand, they understand better than the adults. And they chap, not subconsciously, not consciously, but they catch on what's going on. And if they see that you're telling him one thing and you don't behave that way, then it automatically does not go into their head, so they know that it's not serious. See, what they have to know is that this that you're teaching them is serious, and it becomes part of their life. But the moment they see that it's not serious, then it's automatically there is a blockade that doesn't allow it to enter their mind, so it won't enter. And not only because consciously they can have a kashya, an adult would have a kashya, question, \"You're telling me to do this, how could you do different?\" That's a kashya, a conscious kashya. But then an adult could understand, \"Well, I'm still I'm one way, maybe the these people are different.\" So you have you have an answer. The child doesn't have a question, doesn't have an answer. The child just absorbs. And the child will not absorb if the atmosphere at home is not. If we want a child to grow up to be a yerei shamayim, God-fearing Jew, a yerei shamayim, a real yerei shamayim, or put it in our terms, maybe a chassidishe child, a chassidishe boy, a chassidishe girl, the home has to be a chassidishe home. If the home is not a chassidishe home, I wouldn't say guaranteed that a child will not be, because it happens sometimes that children turn out to be very good, happens, but normally, the child will not grow up to be a chassidishe child. The child will not grow up to be a yerei shamayim. You can't expect a child to grow up with the appreciation of learning when he doesn't see it at home. Everyone at his level. Sometimes the parents can't learn so much, so they have a different formula, they tell him, they learn from English, I mean there are all ways, but the appreciation for ruchniyus. If what's in the house is the gashmiyus is what counts, and they see it, they sense it, then how do you expect the child to have the appreciation for ruchniyus and want learning, and want yirat shamayim, want mitzvot? So, we're talking about raising children that will learn. So, first of all, you have to spend time with the children, learning, teaching them, going over this what happened what what they learned in school, reinforcing what they learned in school. Then the child will go, but more than that, not only what you do directly, they live in an atmosphere where they absorb more than what they are taught. This is the reason the Rebbe said that in our generation, educating children is very, very important, more than it used to be. The reason is very simple, he once explained it, he said like this, years ago, a child just by living was educated to איידלקייט, and mitzvot, and אידישקייט. Child lived in a shtetl, came home, what whom did he play? He played in the yard there, the best the best place for children to play was the backyard of the shul, that was like the center of the little shtetl, they were in the backyard of the shul, what did they always see? They saw people sitting and davenen with kavanah, they saw people learning all day, they saw people coming in and out, and even in the home they saw, all these נארישקייטן, משוגעתן of the world didn't exist. So, there was this atmosphere of kedushah that was there. And therefore, they absorbed it even without before we start teaching them anything, they were being taught that they absorb ruchniyut. So, this, the בדרך ממילא׳דיגע חינוך, this automatic chinuch was there. And therefore, the school really was based to teach them information, to tell them, to teach them, I'm talking about Chumash, Rashi, Gemara, that was what the school was for, but to absorb yirat shamayim, and to absorb what would you call חסידישע השקפות and the proper השקפות and outlook on the world, that they absorbed just from living in this house, living in the street, playing around, they absorbed it, just coming to shul. Unfortunately, you know, nowadays, it's not like that. You come into the street, and see all kinds of נארישקייטן in the street. You come to you know, the kids play, they play all kinds, some homes have television, and the kids watch all kinds of crazy משוגעתן, and they see from the parents, it happens, unfortunately it is like that. You come to shul, and you don't see only people davenen with kavanah, you come to shul, you see people talking all kinds of משוגעתן, people talking about this, about that, people going out and in. So, that automatic chinuch is now minimized to the minimum. And therefore, we have a much harder job now. We have to work on it in a positive way to do it. So, what happens on the outside, the fact that the street now is full of crazy things, that we can't help that, so we got to fight it, but we can't help it. But in our own home, in our own home, we are the baalei batim. We are in control. And we are able to control if we want our children to grow up to be eidel and fine, תלמידי חכמים, יראי שמים, חסידים, and we want our kid to grow up to be עפעס א someone who has a a certain hergesh for for Torah, for mitzvot, for as as we want, the only way is if the home is in that atmosphere, they just come home from school, what they hear the parents talking about to themselves, and they pick up, I can tell you that. The kids, you try to talk secret, you try to talk, I know with my kids, you know, you talk when we thought we don't want them to understand, we'd talk in Yiddish, talk in Hebrew, you know, I turn around, they understand everything. Not exactly every word, they כאפ, they hear, what's going on, just by yourself they hear. The behavior between the parents they see, and they pick up, and they hear, what the brothers talk about, what the whole atmosphere, and they could sense, is the atmosphere a רוחניותדיקע atmosphere? Atmosphere that deals with Torah and mitzvot and that, and it doesn't mean that we're צדיקים and we don't have gashmiyut, and we have and we talk about food and we we have, but this is not the ikar. Or they see that the atmosphere is the ikar, all kinds of all kind נארישקייט. I mean they're also, שטייט זיך, we're talking about frume yidden, so you're kosher also, and you have a mezuzah also, but the general behavior is the atmosphere is not, then it doesn't then we got a very, very, very hard job. So therefore, just to sum it all up, just to finish off, we know what we want to accomplish. We want the child to realize that kedushah and ruchniyus, this is the truth, the אמת ה' לעולם. And we want that after he understands it, he wants he should follow that direction. And how to do it is two things: train, be on the head, drai an a kop, and take care and always be on the outlook, never to, you know, to overlook, and to make sure that we are aware everything the child does, and in a diplomatic way. We have to be politicians with adults, we have to be politicians with children also in their way. A diplomatic, nice way, not to overdo, we got to have seichel. Certain times it was, you know, beat, so parents would actually patch the children, hit. Nowadays, it doesn't look like it. But it doesn't mean, see what it says in in pasuk: חוסך שבטו שונא בנו, that one who holds back the whip hates his child, doesn't mean physically only way to do it is a physical whip like it used to be. It doesn't have to be that way. It could be a whip in a nice way, a whip of the mouth. But what it means is always to teach the child, constantly to be aware and constantly to show the child the right way to do. The kedushah of what we can understand that the house is a house where they the atmosphere is eidelkeit. They don't hear the parents saying a grube word. A grube word, you know, is this people with Chabad shprach, but they shouldn't. Usually when a child outside says language that you don't want a child to say, you know where he heard it? Unfortunately, he heard it at home. There's a story in the Gemara, the Gemara tells a story, the Bilgah... דבית בילגה, anyway, the the bottom line of the story is that there was this girl that did something, she went away from Yiddishkeit, because of that they constantly, they fined the whole family of of Levi'im because of her. And the Gemara asks what they did to fine them. And the Gemara asked, \"Why? Why did they fine the family because of her? She did something wrong. It's a child.\" But the Gemara says like this, \"שותא דינוקא בשוקא, אי דאבוה אי דאימיה.\" The language of the children in the street is or from the father or from the mother. Doesn't mean there's no exception. Not saying everything has an exception. Sometimes you have a child that picks it up in the street, you have that, I'm not saying. But generally speaking, it comes from the parents, from the home. I am with the parents, maybe it's not the parents, maybe it's the shiksa that lives at home. But she also has a part in educating. She doesn't educate the child, but she's there and the child lives in the same home with that shiksa, and her behavior, if you let the shiksa walk around in the house not dressed tzniusdik, you're sending a message to the child that that's also a certain behavior. And the child without thinking, or the shiksa says something or the shiksa, I'm just saying. But it comes from the home. So with the if the parents are eidel and speak eidel, children will grow up to be eidel. If the parents' behavior is a chasidishe, יראת שמיםדיקע way, a Torahdik way, the children, unfortunately there are exceptions. Sometimes tzadekesdike parents try and, ein hachi nami, but that's takeh a step. But the general direction is that way. And if we do all that, then we are doing the right thing. And then we have to have the next step, which is the most important of the all, the siyata diShmaya. The Eibershter has to help us that we succeed, but we have to do everything in our power. And if we do it, the Eibershter helps us, and we raise children that we will be able to show Mashiach and say, \"ראו גידולים שגידלנו, look at the children that we raised, זרע ברך ה', children that are blessed by Hashem'. And we will lead these children, they will lead us to the גאולה שלימה.\" Amen. Yes. Yes. You said two things that seem to be, I'm sure there's an explanation. First, you said the Rebbe said that the parents who said who say don't send their kids to to a frum school because they should have free choice itself. And then at the end, you said if you send to a school and the house is different, then it doesn't work. And I I know from a few cases of of non-frum, you know, parents who send their kids to a frum school, and they themselves weren't frum, and the kids came out very confused. Like the kids came out with problems. I could guarantee you, if they wouldn't send them to Jewish school, they'd have more problems. I'm sure of that. Right, but it's but it's a contradiction of what you said earlier, that the home has to be the right atmosphere. Yeah. Then that... No, the Rebbe was talking to these people, at least that, at least send them to a yidishe school so they know more, know more about Yiddishkeit. It's better than not. Sure. I'm not saying that even if the parents are not don't behave the right way, doesn't mean they shouldn't send their children to the proper school. I'm saying that even if you do send them, you're still not guaranteed because the home is might be a problem. But certainly, that's better than nothing, better than not sending them and send them to public school. Certainly, send them to that school and try the best, and sometimes it works. And at least they have some knowledge, and they have some things that they do. But if we want it the way we want it, our level, it won't be so, it won't be. Because they go home, they see that the parents don't do it, so then they don't necessarily believe that what they see in school. So that's the best they do. So they're takeh not doing the best thing, but it's better than nothing. Sure you'll send them anyway, so at least let them know. Eppes, how they say, eppes afraybn, something will rub off. So they takeh won't do everything, but it's better than nothing. Otherwise, they don't know anything. You know, that's the pshat, Rabbi, of אורי וישעי. Yes. If you say you're mechanech the child, you fight the oyev, and you train him to do what's right. That's the ישעי. No, no, the ישעי that's the ישעי, that you're asking for the help Now to do what, for what? To do the right thing. First you have to ask Hashem to be your light, השם אורי, that He should make you see what is right and what is wrong. And then you ask Hashem, after I know what is right, please help me that I should do what is right. There are two steps. First, both of them we're asking Hashem to do. You see the light, so to speak, you see the chachmah You see the light, you see what's right, and then you it doesn't mean no, it doesn't mean that you're going to do it. Because the because the from the emet, why The ta'avah, the ta'avah doesn't allow you. Sure, even after you know what is right, well, unfortunately, we do a lot of things like that. A lot of things I know is right, yeah, a lot of times after I see what is right. In my in my level, everyone on his own level, sure. You still need the help of Hashem that we should be able to overcome the yetzer hara. The same thing is with a child. Yes. Rabbi, I agree with whatever you said, however However, okay. You know what my problem is? Yes. My problem is, I learned this happened today, I learned a sichah with a bachur in yeshivah. Yes. The Rebbe discusses in that sichah you can really make simple as far as everybody is concerned, whatever, very simple. He discussed two statements, one from משלי, and one is from פרקי אבות. בכל דרכיך דעהו, and וכל מעשיך יהיו לשם שמים. Whatever a Jew does, he should do for the sake of heaven. So if you look according to that statement, or the second statement, בכל בכל דרכיך דעהו, in all your ways you should know Him. Who's Him? השם, הבורא. So that is that is a simplified oversimplification of of chinuch. Then something else is that we say in Keriat Shema, we are a Jew is mechuyav, are obligated to say Keriat Shema twice a day, three times a day, whatever. קריאת שמע, קריאת שמע על המיטה, ושננתם לבניך, whatever. Does that mean that does that mean to teach your ושננתם לבניך, to teach to teach your children just Torah, or or תרי״ג תרי״ג mitzvot? Just Torah. Mi'deoraita, it's only Torah. Mitzvot, you don't have to teach your children. You teach them Torah, which includes teaching about the mitzvot, but you don't have to they don't have an obligation to do the mitzvot. A father has no obligation from the Torah to make sure his child does the mitzvot. But mi'derabbanan, yes. Then you get then you get to a whole problem. You get to a debate about about the madreigah of Avraham, and then that it's in all of us, whatever, Yeah, but I that's that's for that's for a private conversation. Because I don't see where we're getting to, okay. So, so do you agree that that if you can if you can be mechanech your children in the with those two statements, that that that is that would aid would would would be a help that if there's if there's a God, אין עוד מלבדו is a God, which is another thing in the in the sichah. There's what's his name, Kletzker, he was a a wood a wood merchant. He'd make a cheshbon every day at his business, he would say אין עוד מלבדו. But that's but that's another story. But anyway, I I thought about I that used to bother me, the difference between those two The Rebbe always used to put that put those those two statements, either one of the two statements in various sichot in in the early years. בכל דרכיך דעהו and whatever. So you agree that that's Sure, we have to that's that's pshat training the child that ruchniyut is the real thing, and gashmiyut is not. That's why everything that we do, כל מעשיך, all the gashmiyusdike things that we do is לשם שמים, has to be only for the sake of ruchniyut. בכל דרכיך, all your ways, all your gashmiyusdike ways, you have to know Hashem, which is ruchniyut. However, we live, we live with in the world, you tell you you meant to be, we live in a in a materialistic world, exactly, excuse me, and God concealed the neshamah in the guf, and the guf has desire, so You're repeating exactly what I said! so we have those those bodily desires. You got to eat, and you got to sleep, Right. live, and those desires are, however, the the debate I had, that that tzadik killed his desire for aveirah. Yeah, but we're not talking about a tzadik now. We're not tzadikim. Yeah, we're but but why it's so so I know the reason why, because you you have a problem in overcoming your bodily desires. R- Exactly! That's why if you wouldn't be mechanech the child, he would only live a gashmiyusdike life, because that's the way the body is. So the chinuch is to change that. But the child doesn't see tzadikim. He sees a a person who who who's got the same So we have to tell him about tzadikim, we have That's what it is! Train the child about these things, teach him about these things, tell him about tzadikim, tell him about higher way of life. And that's the way. M'hakt a tshaynik so much, מ'האקט אים אין קאפ, מ'האקט, מ'האקט, ס'קען איינהאקן, it'll happen. But you have The parent has to be a role model. That's another thing I said before, exactly! Yes. The child has to see the parent that living living a a a that type of life. Right, right, exactly. Excuse me, is there a formal education of a of girls, a chiyuv of chinuch? You mean to do mitzvot? The official formal chinuch that a father has on children, right. Whatever women are obligated to do, a child under Bat Mitzvah is obligated as chinuch to do מדרבנן. So each father has an obligation that his child should do all these mitzvot. Wait, you say there is a chiyuv to send a boy to yeshiva, right? Right. But to for for learning, learning. A girl doesn't have a chiyuv of learning Torah. Even though she has a chiyuv to learn the parts of Torah that that are connected to the mitzvot that she has to do. But as far as the מצוה מדאורייתא of teaching a child Torah, it doesn't apply to a girl. Because there it's the mitzvah of תלמוד תורה. It's not not connected to mitzvot, it's תלמוד תורה. A woman is not obligated. Exactly. So if you do teach her, it's not a מצוה מדאורייתא, it's just That's not a מצוה מדאורייתא, right. You're doing the mitzvah of chinuch, which is a מצוה מדרבנן, and that you have to do, because she has to know what to do, she has to do the mitzvot that she's obligated to do מדרבנן. And this applies מדרבנן it's the same like By a girl, right, right, right, right. Can we just go back? If if you need the ישעי, does that mean that you do the chinuch yourself? No, the חינ- The chinuch contains two parts. The chinuch is of the אורי and the chinuch of the ישעי. In both cases, we're asking Hashem to help us. Hashem should help us see the light, Hashem should help us fight the יצר הרע. But we have to mechanech the child to see the light, to see the truth, and then to follow the truth, to That's the ישעי. If the chinuch is done properly, then you don't need the ישעי. So that's the ישעי! What do you mean you don't need? You have it! What do you mean you don't need it? You have the ישעי. is the ישעי, is the help, right, right, right. Yes, okay, one more question, because we have to go to the farbrengen, okay. I was disappointed you didn't mention what happened when your son was born. Yeah. Okay, so since you want to hear it, I'll tell this part. When my first son was born, it's not a story, just a vort, when my first son was born, and I was learning kollel there, and I used to daven sitting right next to an עלטערער חסיד, that's what he's meaning, Rabbi' Shmuel Lewitin. He was one of the עלטערע חסידים. He was, his name was Rabbi' Shmuel, he was the first named after the Rabbi Maharash. He was born very short while after the Rabbi Maharash passed away. He was born in תרמ\"ג. That's a hundred and 15 years ago, whatever. So I used to daven right next to him. So he used to speak, it was very hard to understand his words, but I understood him because I used to speak to him a lot. So, when people came over to him, \"mazel tov, what what, had a son?\" So he tells me, \"darfs visn\", that's how he used to speak, \"darfs visn, az me darf vern frimer\". You know you have to become more religious now. Now that you have a child, you have to become more religious. Because you know now your behavior is not only for yourself, but for your child. And what he It didn't doesn't mean someone could say, \"Well, then it's a bluff, if I'm not really holding at it, I'm just doing it for the sake of the...\" That's not called a bluff. Yes, because that is the way the child will be educated. If you live that way, then this will impress, this will bring the atmosphere into the home and the child. So for the child's sake, darfs vern frimer, you have to become more religious. Just okay, one more question back here. Very practical, at what age can you really start to implement negel vasser? Really? At least from three by a boy, but better even from earlier, much earlier. As soon as a child is able to, you know, stand by the sink and everything, he should negel vasser is very It says clearly negel vasser is one of the most important things. Yeah. Tzitzit, for instance, it says from three. The Rabbi once said maybe a little younger, but negel vasser is something that should be By the way, thank you everybody for coming. Next week is to be announced. As I said, please look for the posters, we'll announce it in the shul. Suggested topics? Just hand it in, we'll take it. That's okay, napkins are acceptable. Please, there's plenty of refreshments. Please help yourself and again, thank you for coming.