It says here tonight is on the subject of nichum aveilim, to understand better the mitzvah of nichum aveilim, of comforting a mourner. We all know what it means, the simple meaning of this mitzvah, that when someone is sitting shivah, a relative which obligates him to sit shivah, so there is a mitzvah to go and visit him, and comfort him, and speak to him, and make him feel better, because he doesn't, you know you know how sad he feels, so it's a mitzvah to make him feel better. And there is actually an expression that was established by our חכמים that we should say when we are menachem avel, and that is, as we all know, המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים, which means that Hashem should comfort you amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. And that means all the Jews, because all Jews are mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. We all mourn the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, which is Zion and Jerusalem, so we want Hashem to comfort us, and we tell the mourner, Hashem should comfort you among amongst the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem that will be comforted. The first place that we find this concept of nichum aveilim in the Torah is when Hashem came to be menachem avel, to comfort the mourner, Yitzchak. It says in Chumash that after Avraham Avinu passed away, it says Hashem came to יצחק ויברך אותו, and Hashem blessed him, and Rashi says that what He did was He was menachem avel. Yitzchak was the avel, Yitzchak was the mourner after his father, and Hashem came to be menachem avel, He came to comfort him. And the Gemara actually in Sotah tells us that this is the source of the mitzvah of nichum aveilim. It's all based on the pasuk where it says, אחרי השם אלוקיכם תלכו, you shall go after Hashem, you shall follow Hashem. And the Gemara says, what does that mean? That you shall do the same thing Hashem does. And the Gemara mentions just like Hashem is מלביש ערומים, Hashem dressed those that did not have any clothes, meaning Adam and Chava, that it says in Chumash that Hashem make clothes for them, so too אף אתה, you too, means every person, every Yid, should be מלביש ערומים, should give clothes to those that don't have clothes. מה השם מנחם אבלים, just like Hashem comforted the mourner, אף אתה, we also have to be menachem avel. Just like Hashem went to Avraham to Yitzchak and was menachem avel, we too have to be menachem avel. And by doing this, we are fulfilling the אחרי השם אלוקיכם תלכו, we go after Hashem, which means we do what Hashem does, which, as it says, we compare ourselves to Hashem or we imitate what Hashem does. Actually, in a Midrash in Kohelet Rabbah it says that there's another place in Chumash where we find Hashem comforted as an avel, and that is Yaakov Avinu. It says Yaakov Avinu after he left Lavan, he was there for twenty years, and after he left Lavan, he came to a place, that place later was called Alon Bachut, it says in Chumash that he found out that מינקת דבורה, מינקת רבקה, דבורה who was the nurse of Rivkah had passed away. And Rashi says, why did the Torah tell us when his his mother's nurse passed away? And Rashi says that what it really means is that not only she passed away, but actually his mother passed away. That's the time when Rivkah passed away. The Torah didn't want to mention it because the Torah didn't want that people should be able to use it because of Esav, etc., but לפועל it means that she passed away. And then the pasuk says that in אלון בכות ויברך, Hashem blessed Yaakov. So the Midrash in Kohelet Rabbah says what it means is Hashem was מנחם אבל. So here too we see that Hashem was מנחם אבל. So this is the place where we find in the Torah the concept of nichum aveilim, of Hashem doing it. And because of Hashem doing it, אחרי השם אלוקיכם תלכו, we have to follow Hashem and we have to do it too. Now, there are some that hold that it's actually a מצות עשה מדאורייתא, that this is a positive commandment of the Torah. We know that there are 613 mitzvot that we are commanded to do from the Torah. Then there are many mitzvot which are מצות מדרבנן that the rabbis instituted. So there are some who hold, for instance the Bahag, the Ba'al Halachot Gedolot and the Rabbeinu Yonah, they hold that actually to be מנחם אבל is a מצות עשה מדאורייתא. It's a positive, one of the positive mitzvot of the Torah. And the Rambam brings in Sefer HaMitzvot, he brings the Bahag, and the Rambam argues. He says, no, it's not a מצוה מדאורייתא. He holds it's a מצוה מדרבנן, it's a mitzvah that was commanded by the רבנן, but nevertheless he adds that this is included in the תורה מצוה of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, of loving your fellow Jew like yourself. So this is part of the mitzvah of אהבת ישראל. And actually not only in the Sefer HaMitzvot, but also in the ספר of the Rambam called the Yad HaChazakah, the Mishneh Torah of the Rambam, in הלכות אבל, the laws concerning an אבל, a mourner, the Rambam writes that these mitzvot are only מדרבנן. He mentions the mitzvah, for instance, of ביקור חולים, to visit the sick, ניחום אבלים, to comfort the mourner, the mitzvah of going to a funeral, to levayah, the mitzvah of הכנסת כלה, bringing a כלה into the chupah. He says all these mitzvot are מצוות מדבריהם, meaning a מצוה מדרבנן. Nevertheless he adds, but they are included in this general mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, which means love your fellow Jew like yourself, is part of the mitzvah of Ahavat Yisrael. So here we have this mitzvah of ניחום אבלים is part of Ahavat Yisrael like all other forms of Gemilut Chasadim. Gemilut Chasadim means doing kindness, helping other people. ניחום אבלים is part of that. You help another person, the person feels bad, he feels sad, you pick up his spirits, you show him that you're משתתף בצערו, it means you're participating in his pain, that makes him feel better, so you are helping him. So here we have the first thing in the mitzvah of ניחום אבלים is the fact that you are helping another Jew, you're fulfilling the mitzvah of Gemilut Chasadim, the mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, the mitzvah of Ahavat Yisrael. But then, as we said, there's another part to this mitzvah, as we said before, and the Rambam himself brings it also in Hilchot De'ot, that it's included in the concept of ללכת בדרכיו, to go, walk and go in the ways of Hashem, to imitate what Hashem did, or והלכת בדרכיו, ללכת בדרכיו, there are two pesukim, and this includes the concept of ניחום אבלים. So this seems to be an additional thing besides the idea that through ניחום אבלים you fulfill the mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך of showing love to another Jew and expressing love and doing kindness, you are following in the footsteps of Hashem. And then there's a third thing concerning ניחום אבלים. Rashi in Chumash on the פסוק אחרי השם אלקיכם תלכו, I think it's in ראה, ובו תדבקון, which means after Hashem you shall go, and then the pasuk adds ובו תדבקון, and you shall cleave to Him, you shall connect to Him. So Rashi says that what does that mean ובו תדבקון, where do you get דביקות, the connection to Hashem, is through doing these mitzvot of gemilut chasadim, mitzvot of kindness, which obviously includes the mitzvah of nichum aveilim, of to comforting the mourner. Now Rashi, as I will explain a little later, does not mention it outright, specifically. He does not mention the word nichum aveilim, he just makes a very general statement that gemilut chasadim, if you do that, then ובו תדבקון you cleave to Hashem. So here it comes out that when we're talking about the mitzvah of nichum aveilim, we have three aspects to nichum aveilim. Number one, it's the mitzvah of ahavat Yisrael, of showing love and helping another Jew, it's the concept that by doing this, והלכת בדרכיו, you are walking in the ways of Hashem, and there's a third thing, ובו תדבקון, you cleave, you connect yourself to Hashem through the mitzvah of nichum aveilim. The first aspect versus this other two is that if we're going to divide it into two categories, we know that the mitzvot are divided into two parts. There are mitzvot bein adam lachaveiro and mitzvot bein adam lamakom. There are mitzvot between man and man, and then there are mitzvot between man and God. The first aspect of nichum aveilim, that this is helping another Jew, puts the mitzvah of nichum aveilim into the category of bein adam lachaveiro, between man and man, you are doing kindness to another Jew. The other two, the by doing this you are walking in the footsteps of Hashem, and ובו תדבקון, that you connect yourself to Hashem, that's in the category of bein adam lamakom, that's between man and God. That's not because of the favor that you're doing to the person, that's something that you benefit, the person himself who does it benefits that he follows Hashem and even more than that, that he cleaves, connects himself to Hashem. So that's bein adam lamakom. The difference, one of the differences between whether it's a mitzvah bein adam lamakom between man and God or man and man, would be very simple. What happens if this avel, this mourner, has plenty of people who are plenty of people who comfort him. And he doesn't need anymore, he has so much, he doesn't need anymore. Is there any reason for another person to come and be menachem avel? Well, if we're looking at it from the aspect of בין אדם לחבירו between man and man, there is no need. He has everything that he needs. He already has his comfort and he's helped and he has everything he needs, so what's the purpose? But if we're looking at it בין אדם למקום between man and God, and this is for the benefit of the comforter rather than the mourner, then even though the mourner has, but if you will also do it, then you will reap, you will have the other aspect of following the footsteps of Hashem, you will do, be doing something that you're imitating Hashem and you're getting you're following Hashem and you are connecting yourself to Hashem. And this is something that you will be doing even if you he doesn't need your help, but the fact is you will be doing what Hashem did, so you will be ללכת בדרכיו, you will go in his ways, and ודבקות בו. So this is the difference between the first aspect of ניחום אבלים and the other two. In the other two themselves, they're also not the same thing. The other two, again, which are ללכת בדרכיו, you are following the footsteps of Hashem, you are imitating Hashem, and the other thing which is that you are connecting yourself to Hashem, there is a big difference. The first one, going, following Hashem means that you are who you are, and you, whoever you are, is following Hashem, you are not connected, one with Hashem. You are a separate entity, trying to imitate Hashem, which is very important and something that we have to do, but nevertheless, it's not that you become united, become one with Hashem. But the second aspect, of ודבקות בו, means that you connect yourself to Hashem, it's a mitzvah that expresses your oneness with Hashem, that דביקות means you are very, very close, connected. ללכת בדרכיו, when you walk behind somebody, you could walk far away, but you're still following in his footsteps, but you're still here and he's there, you're not one. But דביקות means you become one. And here also, we have a practical difference between the two. If you do it in the form of ללכת בדרכיו, because you're following in his, following his ways, you're a separate entity, then what happens if it's hard for you to do it? Being that you are still yourself, so not always will you be ready to give up of yourself and do it, or even if you will do it, but it'll come with pain because after all, you, it's not easy, and you will do it because you have to do it and you want to follow Hashem, but you'll still feel, because you're a separate entity and you feel that it's hard on you, it'll be hard. But if you reach a level of ודבקות בו, that you're connected to Hashem, then automatically, since you're one with Hashem, being, meaning that you reach a level that you're connected to Hashem, then if this is what Hashem wants, then it's not hard. How, as hard as it is, it's not hard because this is, your whole being is the being of Hashem, then for sure this is something that you will be doing easily. So here we have these three parts divided into two sections. The first one is בין אדם לחבירו, between man and man, and that's the mitzvah of helping the other Jew. Then you have the other two, which is for your benefit. It brings the Jew to a certain spiritual feeling and spiritual level, and that itself is divided into two levels: that it's ללכת בדרכיו, going in Hashem's ways, and the higher level of לדבקה בו. And they're both included in this mitzvah of ניחום אבלים.

Now, when we look into the Poskim, into the codifiers, we mainly find that they discuss, when they talk about ניחום אבלים, the aspect of אהבת ישראל, the aspect of גמילות חסדים, the fact that you are helping the other Jew. They, very seldom do they bring this concept that by doing this you are ללכת בדרכיו, you're following the ways of Hashem, and לדבקה בו, certainly that you are connected to Hashem. And the reason for that is not because this is not as important. As a matter of fact, we just explained before that this is even a higher level, a much deeper level of ניחום אבלים. But the reason is for something else. There is a rule that when we have a mitzvah that has two parts to it: one part which is a part of מחשבה, of of understanding, of thinking, of or feeling, and then another part which is a part that you have to do or you have to speak, we always stress or count in the number of mitzvot, we refer to the maaseh as aspect, the action aspect, or the dibbur, the speech aspect, rather than we talk about the feeling. And to give an example, when we learn Torah, there is תורה שבכתב and תורה שבעל פה, there's the written Torah and the oral Torah. Now, most of the Torah is the oral Torah. The written Torah is just the five books Chumash and that's it. Now we know that when we learn תורה שבכתב, the written Torah, even if you don't understand what you're saying, you're still fulfilled the mitzvah of learning. But תורה שבעל פה, oral Torah, it's the understanding that counts. And if you don't understand what you're saying, you have not fulfilled the mitzvah of לימוד התורה. Nevertheless, we find an interesting thing, that the berachah, we make a berachah before we learn every morning, the berachah, ברכת התורה we only could make if we're going to learn בדיבור, if we're going to say the words. הרהור, if we think words of Torah, which is the main part actually, thinking meaning understanding in our brain, in our mind, you can't make a berachah. But if that's the more important part of Torah, so why is it that it's only when we speak, we make the berachah? For this reason, because the learning, the mitzvah of learning Torah has two parts to it: it's saying the words and understanding in our minds. So, what do we stress and when do we make the berachah? Only if we the at the part of speech. The same thing with tefillah, we daven. There are two parts to davenen. One part to davenen, we have to say the words. The other part to davenen is the feeling, which is more important than saying the words. We know that davenen is called עבודה שבלב, the service of the heart, that means the feeling of the heart. The pasuk says you should serve השם בכל לבבכם, with your whole your heart, and the Gemara says, how do you serve God with your heart? We know serving a God certainly in those days were by bringing korbanot, sacrifices, but with the heart? So the Gemara says, yes, איזו היא עבודה שבלב, זו תפלה, that's davenen. When you daven, it's important to have the feeling in davenen. Nevertheless, in the מנין המצות, when we count the mitzvot, which part of davenen is counted? The mitzvah, the davenen that we do בדיבור, the part that we speak, because for the same reason. We have two parts, and the higher level and maybe the more important part is the one that you think or feel. Nevertheless, the one that's counted is the speech. And the same thing we find by teshuvah. The mitzvah of teshuvah is made up of two parts. The mitzvah of teshuvah has a part of feeling, and that itself has two parts: it's regret for the past and acceptance for the future, you have to regret the fact that you did something wrong and accept upon oneself never to do it again, that's all in the heart, and then there is vidui, confession, that you have to say, I sinned. If we look in the Rambam, what does he count as the mitzvah? The fact that you have to say the vidui, even though the more important part is the feeling. The Rambam himself says, if a person will say vidui, will confess, but in his heart he will not decide never to do the sin again, he says it's nothing, it's a joke, it's כטובל ושרץ בידו, it's like you go to the mikveh holding on to a שרץ, which is something that makes the person impure. You're going to the mikveh to become pure while you're holding on to the שרץ. Same thing, you say vidui, you say I sinned, and at the same time you don't plan in your heart never to do it again, you did not do the mitzvah of teshuvah. So the more important part of teshuvah is the decision never to do it again. And still, what do we count in the מנין המצות, we call it in the number of mitzvot, we count that part of saying the vidui. Why? For this rule, that whenever we have a mitzvah that's made up of two parts, the feeling part, or the understanding part, the thinking part, and the maaseh, the action, or the speech, we always count the dibbur or maaseh, the speech and the action, and we don't count that, even though that's more important. And the same thing here also. We're saying here that we have two parts to the mitzvah of ניחום אבלים. We have the feeling part of the person that he gets closer to Hashem in these two levels, and then we have the other part, which is the part of doing, which is helping the other person. Which of the two do we stress? So as I said, the poskim mostly stress the part that you're helping the other person, and they do not stress the part that you yourself get closer to Hashem, which is a part of the feeling. But that is a higher level, that is a more important part of it. In other words, besides the fact that you're helping the other Jew, you are ללכת בדרכיו, you are going in the ways of Hashem. Imagine! That's something is between you and God! You're walking in the ways of Hashem! Certainly ובו תדבק, and that you get connected to Hashem. Now between these These two that we said, that there is ללכת בדרכיו, you're going in Hashem's ways, and ובו תדבק, and that this connects you to Hashem, which of the two is greater? Well, obviously, the second one is a higher level. This is ובו תדבק, and you are connected to Hashem. But I want to mention that when we look into the Rashi, which we said before is the source to this ובו תדבק and that this is a way to connect to Hashem, Rashi, as I mentioned, does not specifically mention ניחום אבלים. Rashi says that when you do gemilut chasadim, when you help another Jew, you act kind to another Jew, this is how ובו תדבק, and this is how you connect yourself to Hashem. And we said obviously this includes all things, also ניחום אבלים, but Rashi does not mention ניחום אבלים specifically. And the reason is not because through ניחום אבלים there is a lesser way of connecting to Hashem than other gemilut chasadim, on the contrary, because it's more. And as I'll explain it in a moment, there is a greater דביקות to Hashem, a greater connection to Hashem, that you get through ניחום אבלים than you get through other forms of gemilut chasadim. And I'll explain why. Other forms of gemilut chasadim, what you're doing actually is not something spiritual. You're physically helping the other person. You're giving him money, you're giving him food, or even when you help somebody with a good word, you're helping him in a physical way. But we're saying, being that you're doing this because Hashem wants you to do it, being that you're doing this because you're copying what Hashem did, so therefore this is how you get close to Hashem. But nevertheless, the actual act that you're doing is not spiritual. The act of ניחום אבלים is spiritual, and I'll explain why. We know the Rambam says that ניחום אבלים is greater than other mitzvot because he says, and I'll explain it in detail, because ניחום אבלים you're doing a favor עם החיים ועם המתים, with the living and with the dead. And what does it mean you're doing a favor to the dead? How do you do a favor to the dead? The peshat is, the Gemara says, based on the פסוק נפשו עליו תאבל, the Gemara says that if a person, God forbid, passes away and doesn't have any avelim, there's nobody there, no relative that's going to sit shivah, nevertheless people should come to the place where he lived and be there, and daven there, or learn there. And the way the Maharsha explains, the reason is because the neshamah is an avel. Not only is the relative an avel, but the neshamah becomes an avel. And you have to be מנחם אבל the neshamah. You have to tell the נשמה how important, and what happened here, and how great it is, etc., etc., as I will say in a moment. So this is what it means that nichum aveilim is doing a favor to the living and to the dead. Now, at first glance, it would mean, we would think it means, that why is it greater? Because here you have a double thing: not only doing a favor to one type, to the living people, but you're also doing a favor to the dead. So you're doing a favor, it's more in quantity: two versus one. But it's not so. It's because it's doing a favor to the נשמה, it's something different than everything else. It's more spiritual. Because what do you do by nichum aveilim? How do you do a favor to the נשמה by nichum aveilim? One of the things you say by nichum aveilim, as I'll explain later, is that you express the נצחיות of the נשמה. You express the eternity of the נשמה. You say that why is there to be sad? The נשמה wasn't lost, it was the body that's not there anymore, but the נשמה continues. And what's the most important part of the person? The נשמה is more important than the body, and the נשמה continues. And not only does the נשמה continue, it continues even better than before, because it has no more limitations. It's not limited in the body anymore. The body limits the נשמה. The נשמה would like to do so many things and it can't because the body doesn't let. But when the נשמה is freed of the body, the נשמה now is happy, and the נשמה goes up and is happy, and reaches highest levels. By bringing that point out, this is a nichum aveilim for the נשמה. And especially when you stress the concept of תחיית המתים, that Hashem is going to bring the נשמה back to the body, that's one of the things that we say when we're מנחם אבל, and therefore it will reach even higher levels. When we stress all these points in order to be מנחם, so to speak, the נשמה, we tell it to the person, but this is also nichum aveilim to the נשמה, you know what that does to us? That brings out within ourselves the appreciation for spirituality, More than of that we did have before. When you tell something to somebody, the real way to tell it to him is if you yourself feel it. Imagine you're going to tell somebody something that you don't feel, you know, people could tell if you mean it or not. So, telling the person means that you first have to in your own mind get this feeling to realize that spirituality is more important than physicality, the נשמה is more important than the גוף, and that's what counts. So, if you think about that and you plan to tell this to the אבל, you're really telling it to yourself as well. So what you're doing by nichum aveilim is to begin with strengthening your connection to Hashem. See, when you give someone money when he's poor, you are connecting to Hashem, as we said before, you're doing something Hashem wants you to do and it's following Hashem's ways. But in the act itself, there is nothing spiritual. It's a mitzvah, so it's spiritual. Nichum aveilim in itself is discussing spirituality, because in order really to be מנחם אבל, you have to feel it. And I'll tell you the truth, even if you don't feel it, the fact that you tell it to that person makes you feel it, because a lot of times we know that when we tell things to people, it brings out within yourself, that same thing makes it stronger in your own self. I remember when it started, the Rebbe started with מבצע תפילין, that people should go out and strengthen the mitzvah of tefillin by people. So he spoke about that later and he got letters from people telling him that not only did this help the people that they met in the street and put on tefillin with them, it helped them, because people started asking them, \"What is tefillin all about?\" So you had to explain it to them. As they explained it to the others, you know what that did to them? That reviewed it in their own mind, made them feel much more of what tefillin does. You explain to the person that tefillin connects you to Hashem, and it ties you to Hashem, and it means that your mind and your heart is meshubad, is given over to Hashem, etc., etc. This first, some people didn't think about it for years, and now all of a sudden, because they had to tell this to others, they started thinking. So when you come to be מנחם an avel, so that makes your own mind start thinking. So, obviously, it makes you closer to Hashem. So what we said before that Rashi does not mention nichum aveilim as one of the things that makes you davek to Hashem, because this is a different category than all other גמילות חסדים that makes you close to Hashem. This is a category in itself, that it makes you be close to Hashem because this is what the mitzvah is all about. Not only it leads you to get close to Hashem, the mitzvah is expressed in a way that you bring out your closeness to Hashem and the importance of the nefesh and your neshamah. If you think about that person's neshamah and you tell the avel, \"You know the neshamah is great, and the neshamah is always good, and the neshamah is the most important part,\" automatically you think, \"What, you think only his neshamah is the most important part, more important than his body? What about me? My neshamah is more important than my body, too. So I got to think about my neshamah. I got to think about the neshamah being part of Hashem.\" So then that means makes me get closer to Hashem. So the mitzvah itself is a mitzvah of devikut. So this is the point, the main three points that we have in nichum aveilim, which is number one, it is bein adam lachaveiro, you're helping a Jew, you're משתתף בצער, it means you're participating in his pain, which makes the person feel better, it takes off some of his the pain that he has. Besides that, you are copying Hashem, you're הולך בדרכיו, and you get close to Hashem, and this is very simple because of what nichum aveilim is.

After we understand that, let's get to some of the details, not the halachot of nichum aveilim, but let's first get to explain the meaning of the expression that we say when we're מנחם אבל like I said before. This expression, I think the first place where it's stated is in the Prisha, one of the commentaries on the Shulchan Aruch, the Tur. And the expression is המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים, which means Hashem should comfort you amongst all the mourners of ציון וירושלים. So let's go through this statement and explain all the words of this statement. The first one is HaMakom. We refer to God with the title HaMakom. We say, \"המקום ינחם אתכם, השם should comfort you.\" And we use the name HaMakom. We know Hashem has many, many names: יו״ד ק״א וא״ו ק״א and אלקים and א-ד-נ-י and קל. And then we have names other than the seven most important names which are the seven names שאינם נמחקים, it's called, the seven names that you're not allowed to erase. There are many more names Hashem has, like we always say Ribbono של עולם, Hashem yitbarach, I mean, all kinds of names that Hashem has. Why did the חכמים choose the word HaMakom when it comes to comfort an אבל? Why the word HaMakom? Why refer to Hashem as HaMakom? We know the word HaMakom means the place, and Hashem is called HaMakom. And חז״ל tell us, why is Hashem called HaMakom? Rashi says, it's taken from the חז״ל, because הוא מקומו של עולם ואין עולמו מקומו, He is the place of the world, and the world is not His place. He is the place of the world, the world is nothing but Him, but He is not the world. But anyway, he is called HaMakom. Why do we refer to Hashem here different than in most תפילות or ברכות when we don't use the word HaMakom? So, actually, about 40, 50 years ago, once the the Rebbe went, very few times the the Rebbe went to be menachem avel, but in the beginning, the first few years of the the Rebbe's נשיאות and became the Rebbe, he went to be menachem avel the Novominsker the Rebbe, when his father passed away. I believe it was when the father of the present Novominsker the Rebbe was the אבל, in other words, his grandfather had passed away, and the the Rebbe came to be menachem avel the Novominsker Rebbe, which is the father of the present one. And he asked the Rebbe that question. He asked the Rebbe why in this statement do we say HaMakom. And he tried to say a peshat, and the Rebbe asked him certain questions. So, he asked the Rebbe, \"What do you say?\" So, the Rebbe said, \"I'll explain it to you.\" He says that we know when we ask Hashem for something, we always connect it to Hashem in connection to that thing that we're asking for. Give an example. When we want to ask Hashem to give us understanding, daat, so what do we do? We start off by saying אתה חונן לאדם דעת. You are the one that gives everyone daat. So, we refer to Hashem as his connection to daat. And then we say חננו מאתך חכמה בינה ודעת. So, please give us daat. So, we first refer refer to him in his connection to daat in order to give us daat. We have in every bracha is in connection to what that bracha is about, referring to Hashem the way he is connected to that bracha. And it says in the Arizal writes that we have to think of Hashem's name, we don't do it, we're not that level, but you see some siddurim, especially from the Sephardim, you find siddurim where they actually have Hashem's name with different vowels because they refer to Hashem in different ways. One refers to Hashem the way he's connected to chesed. One is Hashem the way he's connected to gevurah, one to tiferet, different middot. Why do we refer to Hashem in different forms, not that chas v'shalom Hashem has different forms, there's only one Hashem, but when we're asking Hashem for something, we refer to him in way he relates to that point, to that thing that we're asking for. The mashal that's given in sefarim is a king. The king is one, but the king has many secretaries or has many ministers in his parliament, and for instance, someone wants something of the king that's connected to the department of education, if you'd come to the king with a request, you would say to the king, \"Please, could you tell the minister of education to do so and so?\" So, you're referring to the king, but as he is connected to the department of education. Somebody wants something else, they go to another department. So, we always refer to Hashem in that way, the way he is connected to what we're asking for. Here when we're comforting an avel, the Rebbe says, we're asking Hashem to take away the pain that this avel has, that this mourner has. That's what we say, המקום ינחם אתכם, we're asking Hashem should comfort him. Now, Hashem, the way he is, and I'm using a little bit cabalistic terms, the way he is in the level of למעלה מהשתלשלות, the way he is in the level beyond his connection to the world. We know Hashem in essence is beyond the world. The fact that he created the world, it says in the Zohar, is a השפלה. Hashem had to lower himself from his true level to create a world. This is not really what he is. The expression is לאו אורחא דמלכא לאשתעי במילי דהדיוטא, it's not common, s'past nisht, it's not fit for a king to get involved in simple matters. You don't expect the king to get off his throne and go sweep the floor. For Hashem to come and make a world is to lower himself like the king, more than the king going down to sweep the floor. So, we have Hashem the way he is in his true essence, and then you have the way he is after he was מצמצם himself, contracted himself in a way that he should relate to a world. Now, Hashem the way he is in his true essence does not look at what happened to this avel as a צער. Why should he feel pain? Because there the truth is there, and the neshamah didn't get affected, and the neshamah is just as great as the neshamah was before, as a matter of fact, the neshamah is so happy it went out of the jail of the body, and the neshamah went to higher levels. So, from the level of למעלה מהשתלשלות, the level the way Hashem is beyond his connection to the world, cannot comfort this avel because there is nothing to comfort. But Hashem when he relates to the world, then already he relates to the way the world is and the way He created the world. In that level of Hashem, so to speak, He sees how this person needs to be comforted. And Chassidus it says, in Kabbalah, that the name of HaMakom, when we refer to Hashem as מקום, refers to Hashem as He relates to מקום, as He relates to place. מקום is place. The whole creation is in the category of place. We know everything falls under the category of זמן ומקום, time and space, and that includes everything. So we refer to Hashem with that name, the name that represents the fact that He is connected to our place, to this world. And that's why we say המקום ינחם אתכם, that from the level of Hashem, the way He is that He relates to us because He is מקום, He is מקומו של עולם, as we said before that Chazal tell us, why is He called מקום, because He's the place of the world. That means He created the world and the world is nothing but Him. In that level, He will comfort the avel.

Then we continue: בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים, amongst all the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem. Why do we mention the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem? Why do we mention the fact that we mourn the churban, the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash? Why is that important? What connection does it have to this specific avel, that when we tell him Hashem will comfort you, or shall comfort you, will comfort you, together with all the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem? So obviously, what we're trying to tell the avel is that his aveilut, his mourning is similar to the mourning of Yidden mourning over Zion and Jerusalem. And when he will understand that this is similar, this will be the greatest comfort. And I'll say why: there are many points that we find concerning the חורבן בית המקדש and our mourning over the חורבן בית המקדש, and when we think about that, we will see how this will be menachem this avel. Number one: We all believe באמונה שלימה, we all believe with 100% complete faith that Hashem will rebuild the Beit Hamikdash. So what we're telling this avel is, number one, you should know, just like it's 100% sure that the Beit Hamikdash will be rebuilt and Mashiach will come, you will be comforted. That's number one. That's why we connect it, to show that it's the same, you will definitely be comforted. And the second thing, just like when Hashem will comfort the Yidden and bring back the Beit Hamikdash, it will be a complete, full, true comfort. Because sometimes somebody is comforted partially, only temporarily. When Hashem will rebuild the Beit Hamikdash, ain't gonna be temporarily, and it's not gonna be only partially. See, when He rebuilt the second Beit Hamikdash, it was temporarily, didn't last forever, and it was partially, it wasn't a real comfort after the churban of the first Beit Hamikdash because it wasn't the same, the five things were missing, it wasn't the same, there was no קודש, no ארון in the קודש הקדשים, different things, it wasn't the same. That's why it says that the people, the old people who remembered the first Beit Hamikdash, when they stood by the dedication of the second Beit Hamikdash, were crying. The expression is: הצעירים שמחים והזקנים בוכים. The young ones were happy, dancing, imagine the Beit Hamikdash was just built, and the old people were crying because they saw what was missing. But the third Beit Hamikdash is going to be a complete comfort, and it's going to be, not temporarily, but it's going to be permanently, forever. And we tell this person the same, we're connecting the comfort that you will have to the חורבן בית המקדש, that it'll be by you also, when the comfort will come, it'll be forever. And when the comfort will come, it's going to be a true comfort, not just partially. That's the second point. So again, the first point is we're telling him, just like that is for sure gonna happen, this is for sure gonna happen. That's gonna be a real comfort, this will be a real comfort. And then we tell him another point. Just like when we talk about the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, we all know that only the stones, the building was destroyed, but the spiritual part of the Beit Hamikdash was not destroyed. We know that the שכינה was not affected by the חורבן בית המקדש. The fact that every single Jew has a Beit Hamikdash in his heart was not affected by the חורבן בית המקדש. It says ושכנתי בתוכם. Hashem said to Moshe Rabbeinu: ועשו לי מקדש ושכנתי בתוכם, you shall make for Me a מקדש, and I will dwell amongst them. And the famous saying of the sages, that it should have said I will dwell in it, why does it say I will dwell in them? Because Hashem says that not only will I dwell in the בית המקדש, when you build the בית המקדש I will dwell in every single Jew. That was not affected. That means that the spiritual part of the בית המקדש was not affected. And that's what we tell the avel, you should know, you too. What happened to your beloved was that his body was affected, like the stones of the בית המקדש, the body of the בית המקדש, but not the neshama of the בית המקדש. The neshama was not affected. So this is another point that we make by saying that we're connecting it, making it similar to the אבלי ציון וירושלים. And then the other thing is that as we said before, that just like the בית המקדש will be rebuilt, this will be rebuilt. But then there's another point. Who really feels the חורבן בית המקדש? The people who live close to Yerushalayim, the people who live close to the כותל המערבי, and you go to the place and you see a wall and you don't see the בית המקדש, you feel bad. But nevertheless, all Jews all over the world feel the pain of the חורבן בית המקדש, not only the close people. And that's what we tell the avel: you're the avel, and you are the close relative to the one that passed away, and therefore you are the one that, you, one that feels the pain, but you should know that's not so. All the Jews all over feel the pain of one Jew who is an avel, because we're all like one big, large family, and not only like one family, we're all like one body, that's כלל ישראל, like one big body. And if one part of the body hurts, the whole body feels it. So we all feel it. And that's another reason why we connect the ניחום אבלים to the אבלי ציון וירושלים. And then there's another thing, I'm not counting how many points I'm making here, then there's another thing here that we tell the people, you should know that just like בנוגע the בית המקדש, the rebuilding of the בית המקדש, which is the comfort for the destruction, depends on our behavior. The more mitzvot we will do, the more Torah we will learn, the faster it's going to happen. We tell them, the same thing with you: your nechama for the avel, being an avel for the person that passed away, your comfort will come depending on your behavior. The more mitzvot that you do, the more Torah that you learn for yourself, for the elevation of the neshama, that's going to help.

Then, just, just to take more, a few more moments, just to bring out a few points which are written in sefarim what we could say to an avel besides the official, you know, statement of המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שאר אבלי ציון וירושלים, what ideas we tell. So number one it says, and I'll make it short, number one, we tell the person, as I said before, that you should know that the neshama doesn't suffer. You feel bad, it's pain, but you should know that the neshama didn't suffer. And the neshama now is free, and the neshama is looking down, watching us, and wants us to be happy. So you should know that there is nothing that the neshama is, it feels now that's that's bad. Then you should also know, we tell the person, that there's a concept of a yeridah letzorech aliyah. You have to go down a lot of times before you go up. This that happened is really only a stepping stone to go higher. And we know that when you go down in order to go up, when you descend, it's not really a descent, even though physically it is. When you go back, when you want to go forward, when you want to jump over something to get closer to the other side and there's something in the way, you have to go further away to get closer. So even though technically when you go further away you're getting further away from the point you're trying to get to, but in truth, in in in logic, it's part of you getting closer, because this is the way you will get closer. Same thing here: it's a yeridah, it's going down, person passed away, but this is a stepping stone in order to get higher, because the neshama does go higher after it leaves here. And then we know bichlal the the rule that the seder, the order of the middot are chesed, gevurah, and rachamim, chesed, din, verachamim. Rachamim, which is pity, comes after din. So when something tragic, God forbid, happens, you should know that this is right before the next one, which is rachamim. Before rachamim comes din. So this is a comfort for the person. Like there's an expression from the talmidim of the Baal Shem Tov that the world says, נאך א שריפה ווערט מען רייך. After a fire you become rich. So some people think because you got a lot of insurance money, but that's not the pshat that the Baal Shem Tov meant. It means because, he says, because a שריפה, when something happens, you this is the expression of Hashem's strictness, din. After din comes rachamim. So when you'll have rachamim, which is the next level, then you will become rich, you'll have a lot. Same thing here, this is what we tell the person. In other words, we tell the person that this is really in order to reach to something better that's going to happen. And bichlal, the person has to know that as the expression is, a bullet or a physical sickness cannot affect the neshama. So whatever happened to this person, the neshama was not affected, and therefore, neshama to the neshama it's nothing bad. It's for us, the people who stay down here, who feel bad of what happened. And that's why there is a mitzvah of aveilut. But at the same time, it says you're not allowed to be an avel too much, you're not allowed to cry too much, because if you do that, as if you don't believe that the neshama still continues, and the neshama is eternal, and the neshama will come back, etc., etc. And these are all the things that we tell the avel, besides the fact we tell him that you should know it's only temporarily that this is happening, because תחיית המתים you'll again see your relative, etc., etc. And the truth is, most of the people that we go to be menachem avel know all this, so why do we have to tell it to them? Nevertheless, if someone on the outside who's not in it completely says it, it has much more effect, because if you're in it, you don't really feel it, and you have to have someone from the outside to comfort you. Like the story with the Tzemach Tzedek, after his Rebbetzin passed away, he was very disturbed and he was very sad, so his son, the Maharil, came over to him and he said, \"Why are you so sad? We heard from you,\" he says to his father, \"We heard from you that the pasuk where it says ראה חיים עם אשה, you should see life with the woman that you chose, means the Torah. So your wife passed away, but you still have the Torah.\" So he says, \"Wow, החייתני, you make me feel so good.\" Now, the Tzemach Tzedek knew that on his own, but he needed somebody from the outside to tell it to him, and that makes him feel good. Like in many things, somebody that's inside something, you don't really get to think about it or feel it, so you come to comfort the avel, and you make him feel better that way. I just want to mention, someone before just before the class started told told me that someone heard that this is the class the class is going to be on nichum aveilim, to mention a certain that's not a halacha, but something that's important. We're talking here about what you have to say to the avel and you have to come and you make him feel good, all kinds of great things, but you have to remember that sometimes it makes it hard on the avel with so many people coming. So we're trying to help him, but we some say that you should make a few hours a day that no one should come. Actually, the Rambam says that when you come to visit the sick, it's a mitzvah we said before, bikur cholim, says don't stay too long. Says why? Because person is sick, you're making it hard on him to have visitors for so long. Don't it's a mitzvah to come, but don't stay so long. My father-in-law has a vort, I don't know from whom he heard it, he said that every hoyker is no good. A hoyker, hoyker in Yiddish means when you're hunchbacked. So a hoyker is not nice. But there is one hoyker which is good. There's a pasuk that says הוקר רגלך מבית רעך, which means keep your feet away from the house of your friend. That mean don't go too often and don't bother him so much. The pasuk uses the word הוקר, הוקר רגלך, says, \"This is a hoyker that's good.\" So when you come to be menachem avel, you should know know the times and there should be certain times that he shouldn't be bothered. Should eat, you know, sometimes you come to an avel, he doesn't even get a chance to eat supper because constantly people coming, which is a great mitzvah, but anyway, this is just I'm making a point. One more point, not talking about halachot of nichum aveilim, but just an interesting point, with that I'll finish. Can you be menachem avel through sending a letter rather than going yourself? So I remember when the Rav Soloveitchik, Rabbi Soloveitchik, J. B. Soloveitchik was an avel, the Rebbe sent him a letter through a shaliach. He sent a shaliach to be menachem avel, the Rebbe himself didn't go, he sent him a letter. And in the letter, it was a whole pilpul writing this she'eilah: are you mekayem the mitzvah of nichum aveilim through a letter and through sending a messenger, or is it a mitzvah you have to do? And the Rebbe writes basically this point that the whole idea of nichum aveilim is to make the person feel good, so through a letter, he also feels better, so you're mekayem the mitzvah. Especially that nichum aveilim is also to be menachem the neshamah. Now for the neshamah, makes no difference if your body comes there or not, the neshamah gets the nichum aveilim anyway. And the same thing is through a shaliach. Ai, the question is that the din by nichum aveilim is that the avel has to be the first one to start? So the Rebbe says, \"Yeah, he opens the letter, so he's the first one to start getting involved.\" So the bottom line is that you are mekayem, obviously not the same way as you come in person, or by calling on the phone. The idea is the same. If by speaking to him, and you give him words of comfort, and you make him feel better, you have accomplished what nichum aveilim has to accomplish. Not the same as in person, but it does accomplish. The main thing is, I'm going to finish off, is that Hashem should takeh listen to our tefillot and comfort all the aveilim. The main thing is there should be no aveilim, and it should comfort all the אבלי ציון וירושלים, which is all of us, and rebuild bring משיח, and rebuild the בית המקדש, and have תחיית המתים, and then we won't need all these this. And we hope that this all will take place very soon בימינו. במהרה בימינו ממש. Amen. Any questions? Yes. Right. A neshama is sad because it's not able to do mitzvot and there is nothing that equals doing mitzvot, and therefore the neshama is sad, but at the same time we say to the neshama that you did all the mitzvot during your lifetime and now you will get the שכר of what the mitzvot bring you. So, there is an aspect of having to be menachem the neshama, that's clearly that. Like a neshama doesn't want to leave this world. It says in Pirkei Avot, \"על כרחך אתה חי ועל כרחך אתה מת.\" You live by force and you die by force, and the question is, it's contradiction. You live by force, means the neshama would rather die, then it says you die by force, it means it would rather live, so what would the neshama rather do? So the answer is, it's both. The neshama down here sees the greatness of mitzvot and would not want to leave the body, and at the same time, knowing that here we have all these limitations and when the neshama leaves the body, it reaches a higher level because of the mitzvot it does, so it wants to reach that level. So we tell the neshama, finally, hey, the time came that now you're finished with the mitzvot, and you will get the reward for the mitzvot, and you will reach this great level that you will reach after being down here in this world. So there is an אבילות for the neshama, and there is a ניחום, a comfort for the neshama. Yes, who was going to ask something here? Yes. Hashem gives the neshama in Gan Eden. Right, right. But Hashem gave Hashem gave every neshama a certain amount of time to do the mitzvot, and when that is finished, you finished your job. The the importance of doing mitzvot is that's the mission we have from Hashem, the job we have. When you finished the job, then you're happy that you finished your job, and Hashem gives you the reward, pays you, gives your salary after you finish your job, he pays you. You can't do more. You're right. That's why he feels bad, but on the other hand, yes, one point has to come to an end and you have to come to getting the reward, and this is the part of getting the reward. Well, you have to be menachem avel, no matter what. Even if a woman is a niddah, there's no difference in halacha. No, you could, you could, until late. Whatever you would say otherwise, you could say when you come in all cases. To be מנחם אבל, the אבל has to be has to start. He has to be the first one to open. Now, it says that it doesn't mean that to every single one. You could start and then more people continue, but בכלל it says that the אבל should should It's not part of our topic, is is the ניחום אבלים, not the yahrtzeit or this, but it's true. It says, every time you say do a mitzvah for the sake of the neshamah, it helps the neshamah, the neshamah gets an aliyah. If children down here or relatives or even friends down here do mitzvot on behalf of that neshamah, that affects the neshamah and the neshamah gets an aliyah. That's a famous joke they saying it's a famous joke that once there was a person who was in גיהנם, and one day a מלאך comes and says, \"We're taking you out, we're taking you to גן עדן.\" As he's going, he says, \"What happened? How did I all of a sudden change?\" \"Because your son down here gave $25,000 to the yeshivah uh for your זכר נשמת, so that puts you in גן עדן.\" A day later they come and take him, they're taking him back to גיהנם. He says, \"What happened?\" \"The check bounced.\" I'm saying, but the that's the point. They say, so there are things that you could do later. The most important is what a person himself does before he comes up, that's more, but still, you could do later. They say another joke, if we're talking about jokes already, this is that once there was a person before he passed away, it's very very rich. So, and he wasn't such a great צדיק, putting it mildly, and he said, \"I'm not afraid of the בית דין של מעלה. Not afraid of the case that I'm going to have, the trial that I'm going to stand. Why? Because I know, down here, that anytime I was in trouble and I had problems with courts and this, I have plenty of money and you can shmirn, as they say, I give money to this and that, and I'm I'll do that same up there.\" So he came up there and they standing there in front of the בית דין של מעלה, and he was confident and whatever they're going to say, so they started looked at what didn't look too good. So he turns around to the judge and he says, \"How much you want? I have plenty. I'll just write out a check and I'll give you.\" So the בית דין של מעלה, the judge says to him, \"Over here, you don't pay with checks, you pay with receipts. Show me how many receipts you have of how many that'll count, but don't give me a check.\" Saying, so what we do here counts, but what the children later do, the children are the first, other relatives also, friends also, but not as much, you do mitzvot for the עליות נשמה, the neshamah gets an aliyah, or saying Kaddish, saying Kaddish is a עליות נשמה, and many other things that we have, getting an aliyah and all kind of things, yes. It helps, Automatically is one level. If you do it specifically for that sake, that's even a higher level. In other words, you do something that otherwise you wouldn't do. See, when you put on tefillin every day, you have to do anyway. But if you give extra tzedakah because of the עליות נשמה, that's what counts more. Yeah, yeah, you have to say or think, as long as you even if you think. You don't have to say עליות נשמה, and it's something that you're doing extra, that's really what counts. Neshamah gets nachat. That you do anyway, right, right, right, right, right. Yes? Most, it's through the children. Next to that, not as much, but also some, is through the relatives, and a little bit also through friends. Always, always. The first year is the most, because the connection of the neshamah to this world, the first year is more than later on. So therefore, it affects more, but even later. That's why, for instance, when you say Yizkor, one of the things you say is that I'm going to give tzedakah for the עליות נשמה, and that happens even if it's 50 years later. So giving tzedakah is one of the things, but any mitzvah that you do for the sake of the neshama works. Right. Right. For a bracha, l'ilui nishmat, neshama, that's that's something. But also for the neshama. It's for both, it's for both, it's for both, yes. Let's see how it's Sorry. The word, the לשון is No, no, the לשון is nichum aveilim and bikur cholim. Bikur cholim means the visiting of the sick, and Here also, nichum aveilim is the comforting, who comforts? The same. Yeah, and the same thing here, you could say מבקר חולה and מנחם אבל. Yeah. If for him you're not doing any good Nothing you You are doing good. No, no. Then it's no good, then you shouldn't do it. Then you shouldn't do it. See, we're not talking about My someone else's account? No, that No, no, you shouldn't I'm saying it does No, if it's a tircha, then you shouldn't do it, but if you should If it's It's not tircha on him, and let's say if you don't do it, someone else will do it. So, but there is something that you should do because you will gain, the person himself will gain even if it won't be better for him because he will get it some other way. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. If If If it suffers other things, that's that's that's nothing to do with the death. The death itself, the fact that it left this world, that's not a suffering. It went into a better world, לעולם שכולו טוב. They have the mashal that they give from a child a woman who was pregnant and had twins. And the twins, in their world, they don't know anything else. They just know of what's going on inside the mother's womb. And then they were there for and they became friendly, and they were That's their life, and they had everything they need. And all of a sudden, one of the children is leaving. So the other one started crying, \"You're leaving me, and you're\" He said, \"Well, the guy is away from this world and he's finished, he's dead.\" And he hears the shouts on the other side, \"Mazal Tov!\" This child was born. He went left this world that's inside this womb and came to a better world. But being in this world, you don't know that world, so you think that you're leaving here, you're finished. It's not finished, it's the contrary, you're just starting it, a better world and a better life. Then he comes out himself and he meets him, and he says, \"Oh, Baruch Hashem, we meet, I'm over here.\" And the same thing is the mashal of leaving this world, going to the other world. When we are here, we don't see the other world and we don't know what goes on. But in truth, there's another world there which is much better and and greater and holier than this world.