Jewish Audio on Chabad.org. Today's שיעור will be מסכת קידושין דף ל"א. And we will start from the last line on דף ל' עמוד ב'. And we're still in the middle of the סוגיא of כיבוד אב ואם. הגמרא starts: תניא, we learned in a ברייתא, רבי אומר, רבי says, גלוי וידוע לפני מי שאמר והיה העולם, it is known to the One that said and created the world, which means השם, it is known to השם, שהבן מכבד את אמו יותר מאביו, that a son would give כבוד, would give honor to his mother more than his father, מפני שמשדלתו בדברים, because she convinces him with words, which means she speaks nicely to him, she speaks softly to him, and therefore he would honor her more. לפיכך, therefore, הקדים הקדוש ברוך הוא כיבוד אב לכיבוד אם. So therefore השם mentioned that you're supposed to honor your father before He mentioned that you're supposed to honor your mother. And this refers to the פסוק, כבד את אביך ואת אמך, that you have to honor your father and your mother. So the פסוק mentions first אביך, then אמך. First your father, then He mentions your mother, because naturally a person would honor his mother more, so therefore the תורה mentions the father first to show that you must honor your father also as much as you honor your mother. And

also, וגלוי וידוע לפני מי שאמר והיה העולם, it is also known to the One that said and created the world, it is known to השם, שהבן מתיירא מאביו יותר מאמו, that a son would have more fear from his father than from his mother, מפני שמלמדו תורה, because his father teaches him תורה. לפיכך, therefore, הקדים הקדוש ברוך הוא מורא האם למורא האב. So therefore השם mentioned first to have fear of your mother before He mentioned to have fear of your father. And this refers to the פסוק that we mentioned earlier: איש אמו ואביו תיראו, a man, his mother and his father he should fear. So here, the תורה mentions first the mother, then the father, because if not for the פסוק, a person might have more fear from his father than from his mother. Therefore, the תורה mentions the mother first to tell us that you must have the fear of your mother as much as of your father. Then the גמרא continues: תני תנא קמיה דרב נחמן, a תנא, a person was learning in front of רב נחמן, he said, בזמן שאדם מצער את אביו ואת אמו, when a person gives pain to his father and his mother, אמר הקדוש ברוך הוא, השם says, יפה עשיתי שלא דרתי ביניהם, I did good that I did not dwell amongst them. In other words, השם is saying, in a case like that, I am not there, I am not amongst them, שאלמלי דרתי ביניהם, because if I would live amongst them, ציערוני, they would give Me pain, too. If He would be there, too, so the pain that they gives to the father and the mother would be given to Him, too, and therefore השם says, I am happy that I am not there.

אמר רבי יצחק, רבי יצחק said, כל העובר עבירה בסתר, anybody who does an עבירה in hiding, כאילו דוחק רגלי השכינה, it's as if he pushes away the feet of the שכינה, שנאמר, because the פסוק says, כה אמר השם, this is what השם said, השמים כסאי, the heaven is My chair, והארץ הדום רגלי, and the earth is like My footstool. So where השם is saying that He comes down into this world. When a person does an עבירה in hiding, so it's as if he's saying, השם doesn't see me. As if he's saying, השם is not here. So by saying that, it's as if he pushes away the feet from השם that are really in this world, but by him doing the עבירה in hiding, it's as if he's showing that השם's feet are not here, so he pushes away the feet of השם. אמר רבי יהושע בן לוי, רבי יהושע בן לוי said, אסור לאדם שיהלך ארבע אמות בקומה זקופה, a person is not allowed to go four אמות with a picked-up head, שנאמר, because it says, מלא כל הארץ כבודו, the whole earth, the whole world is full of His honor. And as רש"י explains, it means that השם's honor, השם's glory came down to this world. When a person picks his head up, it's as if he's showing that he's trying to push it up. Therefore, he said that a person is not allowed to go four אמות with a קומה זקופה. רב הונא בריה דרב יהושע, the גמרא says that רב הונא בריה דרב יהושע, לא מסגי ארבע אמות בגילוי הראש, he didn't go four אמות with an uncovered head. אמר, he said, שכינה למעלה מראשי, the שכינה is above my head. And therefore, he didn't go four אמות without covering his head, because when he covers his head, he shows that there is something above him, and that refers to the שכינה. Then the

גמרא continues: שאל בן אלמנה אחת את רבי אלעזר, a son of an אלמנה, a son of a widow, asked רבי אלעזר, אבא אומר השקיני מים, what is the דין if my father tells me, give me water to drink, ואימא אומרת השקיני מים, and my mother tells me, give me water to drink, איזה מהן קודם, which one comes first? אמר ליה, so he said to him, הנח כבוד אמך, leave the honor of your mother, ועשה כבוד אביך, and do the honor of your father. In other words, the honor of your father comes before the honor of your mother. And the reason is, שאתה ואמך חייבים בכבוד אביך, because you and your mother, both of you, are obligated to honor your father. בא לפני רבי יהושע, he came to רבי יהושע, אמר ליה כך, he said the same thing, he asked רבי יהושע the same question, and רבי יהושע too answered him the same answer. אמר ליה, so he said to him, רבי, נתגרשה מהו, what would be the דין if my mother is divorced? The whole reason you gave why the honor of the father comes before the mother is because the mother too is obligated to honor the father, her husband, but if she is divorced, what is the דין then? אמר ליה, so he said to him, מבין ריסי עיניך ניכר שבן אלמנה את, from your eyelids I could tell that you are a son of an אלמנה, I see that you cried a lot. So that shows that at one point your father died, and therefore you cried. So I see that you are a son of a widow, and therefore, it is not important to you at all. This שאלה is not נוגע למעשה to you, because you don't have a father anyway. So therefore, he answered him in a very joking way, הטל להם מים בספל, put the water for them both in the ספל. ספל is the כלי that you put water in for chickens to drink from. So he used that term, put the water for them in a ספל, since they both want to drink, put it down in the ספל, וקרקר להם כתרנגולים, give it to them to drink as if you would give to chickens. In other words, let them choose themselves to see, fight it amongst themselves, which one gets first. And the reason he used this term is because it wasn't נוגע למעשה. He came to him as if he really had a father and a mother, but when told him that you really don't have a father, and this is not נוגע למעשה, therefore he used this term. Then the גמרא continues, דרש עולא רבה, עולא רבה darshened, or the way the גירסא of the מהרש''ל here is, עולא בר אבא. So he darshened, אפיתחא דבי נשיאה, by the door of the נשיא, מאי דכתיב, what is the meaning of the פסוק that says, יודוך ה' כל מלכי ארץ, that all the kings of the world will praise you, ה', כי שמעו אמרי פיך, because they heard the sayings of your mouth. מאמר פיך לא נאמר, אלא אמרי פיך. The statement of your mouth, the תורה does the פסוק doesn't mention. It says, the sayings of your mouth. In other words, that a certain statement was not accepted really, but when they heard all the sayings that you said, that's when they accepted it. What does that mean? בשעה שאמר הקדוש ברוך הוא, when ה' said אנכי ולא יהיה לך, when ה' said the first two דברות of the עשרת הדברות, the first one, אנכי ה' אלקיך, ה' said, I am your God that took you out of מצרים, and the second one where he said, לא יהיה לך אלקים אחרים על פני, you should not have any other god. So when the גוים heard him say that, אמרו אומות העולם, so the nations of the world said, לכבוד עצמו הוא דורש. He is darshening for his own honor. He is speaking about himself, he cares about himself. But כיון ששמע, soon as he said, כבד את אביך ואת אמך, you should honor your father and your mother, חזרו והודו למאמרות הראשונות. So then they also admitted to the first מאמרות, the first two statements, because now they saw he doesn't only care about himself, because he said that you should honor your father and your mother. So then certainly, a person should honor ה' because ה' is a partner in the creation of a person as much as his parents, and as רש''י says, even more, because life and death are in the hands of ה'. So that's why it doesn't say that they thanked ה', they admitted to ה' for מאמר פיך, which means the saying of his mouth, because not everything he said they admitted. It's only after they heard everything that he said, then they looked back and they said, well, now we know that even the previous דברות were not לכבוד עצמו, were not for his own כבוד. רבא אמר, רבא says, מהכא, that I could learn out the same thing from a different פסוק, from this פסוק. The פסוק says, ראש דברך אמת, that the beginning of your words are true. ראש דברך ולא סוף דברך? Only the beginning of the words of ה' are true, but not the end of his words? So what does the פסוק mean, ראש דברך אמת? אלא, but the פשט is, מסוף דברך, from the end of your words, ניכר, we could tell, שראש דברך אמת, that even the the beginning of your words are true. That's why it says ראש דברך אמת. The חידוש is that even the beginning of the words are true, because originally, the אומות העולם, the גוים thought that the beginning of the words are not true. When He said אנכי and לא יהיה לך, they thought He is דרשנינג for Himself, but later on, when they heard Him say כבד את אביך ואת אמך, this proved to them that even the first דברות, the ראש דברך, the אנכי השם אלקיך is also not לכבוד עצמו, but they are true. Then the גמרא continues,

בעו מיניה מרב עולא, they asked a question from רב עולא, עד היכן כיבוד אב ואם? How far does this מצוה of כיבוד אב ואם go? אמר להם, he said to them, צאו וראו, go out and look, מה עשה עובד כוכבים אחד באשקלון, what this one גוי in the city of אשקלון did, ודמא בן נתינה שמו, his name was דמא בן נתינה. פעם אחת, one time, ביקשו חכמים פרקמטיא בשישים ריבוא שכר, the חכמים wanted to do business, and the profit would have been 600,000, והיה מפתח מונח תחת מראשותיו של אביו, but the key was laying under the head of his father, his father was sleeping and had the key under his pillow, ולא ציערו, he didn't make him suffer, which means he didn't wake him up, even though there was a loss of 600,000. Or as תוספות brings from ירושלמי that not that the key was under his father's head, but his feet were laying over the over the box, and therefore he didn't want to take it out to wake up his father. And here we see how far the מצוה of כיבוד אב ואם goes. אמר רב יהודה אמר שמואל, רב יהודה said in the name of שמואל, שאלו את רבי אליעזר, they asked רבי אליעזר, עד היכן כיבוד אב ואם? How far does the מצוה of כיבוד אב ואם go? אמר להם, he said to them, צאו, go out, וראו, and see, מה עשה עובד כוכבים אחד לאביו באשקלון, what this one גוי did to his father in אשקלון, ודמא בן נתינה שמו, and his name was דמא בן נתינה. ביקשו ממנו חכמים אבנים לאפוד, the חכמים wanted from him the stones to the אפוד. At one point, they needed stones to the אפוד. The אפוד is one of the בגדים that the כהן גדול was supposed to wear. And they needed the stones for the אפוד, and they wanted to buy it from this גוי. And it would have been בשישים ריבוא שכר, 600,000 would be the profit. ורב כהנא מתני, רב כהנא learned, בשמונים ריבוא, would have been 800,000 profit. והיה מפתח מונח מתחת מראשותיו של אביו, and the key was laying under the head of his father, ולא ציערו, he didn't make him suffer, in other words, he didn't wake him up, even though there was a loss of 600,000 or of 800,000. לשנה אחרת, next year, נתן לו הקדוש ברוך הוא שכרו, השם gave him his reward, שנולדה לו פרה אדומה בעדרו, that in his herd, amongst his cows, there was a פרה אדומה, a red cow, and the חכמים needed it. ונכנסו חכמים, חכמי ישראל אצלו, the חכמים came to him, and they wanted to buy it from him. אמר להם, he said to them, יודע אני בכם, I know you, שאם אני מבקש מכם כל ממון שבעולם, if I'll ask you for all the money in the world, אתם נותנים לי, you would give it to me. אלא אין אני מבקש מכם, but I will only ask of you, אלא אותו ממון, only that money, שהפסדתי בשביל כבוד אבא, that I lost last year because of the כבוד I have for my father. So, from here we see how far the מצוה of כיבוד אב goes.

ואמר רבי חנינא, רבי חנינא said, ומה מי שאינו מצווה ועושה כך, this was a case of a גוי who is not commanded to do the מצוות. So, if we see that somebody who is not commanded to do, and he does, this is his reward, מצווה ועושה על אחת כמה וכמה, certainly somebody who is commanded, a ייד, who is commanded to keep the מצוות, if he does his מצוות, על אחת כמה וכמה, certainly, that he will get great rewards for fulfilling the מצוה of כיבוד אב. Now, why do we say that if somebody is מצווה ועושה, certainly will get the reward? Because אמר רבי חנינא, רבי חנינא said, גדול מצווה ועושה ממי שאינו מצווה ועושה, that somebody who is commanded to do מצוות, and he does, is greater than somebody who is not commanded, and he does. Then the גמרא says, אמר רב יוסף, רב יוסף said, מריש הוה אמינא, in the beginning, I thought, מאן דהוה אמר לי הלכה כרבי יהודה, if someone would tell me that הלכה is like רבי יהודה, דאמר, that he said, סומא פטור מן המצוות, that a blind person is פטור from doing the מצוות, עבידנא יומא טבא לרבנן, I would make a יום טוב, a party for the רבנן, because רב יוסף was blind. So, if someone would tell him that the הלכה is like רבי יהודה, that a blind person is פטור from the מצוות, because רבי יהודה learns it out from פסוקים that a סומא is פטור מן המצוות, so if someone would tell me the הלכה is like רבי יהודה, I would be very happy, and I would make a party for the רבנן. Why? דהא לא מפקידנא, והא עבידנא, because I am not commanded and I'm still doing it. So I would be very happy to hear that the הלכה is that I am פטור from the מצות, and then I would feel very great that even though I'm פטור, I'm still doing it, and he thought that by doing it when you are not commanded, it is greater than if you would be commanded. והשתא now, דשמעית להא דאמר רב חנינא, now that I heard what רב חנינא said, that גדול מצווה ועושה יותר ממי שאינו מצווה ועושה, that if somebody is commanded and he does is greater than if somebody does it not being commanded, אדרבה, מאן דאמר לי דאין הלכה כרבי יהודה, so now just the contrary, if somebody will tell me that the הלכה is not like רבי יהודה that says that a סומא is פטור מן המצות, but people will tell me that the הלכה is that a blind person is חייב במצות, so then עבידנא יומא טבא לרבנן, I will make a יום טוב to the רבנן, I will make a big party for the רבנן, because then I will be greater than I thought, because I am obligated to do the מצות, and we know that somebody who does the מצות while is obligated is greater than if he does the מצות if he is not obligated. Then the גמרא continues, כי

אתא רב דימי, when רב דימי came, אמר he said, פעם אחת היה לבוש סירקון של זהב, that this דמא בן נתינה was once wearing a garment of gold with gold thread on it, והיה יושב בין גדולי רומי, and he was sitting amongst the great people from Rome, ובאת אמו, and his mother came, קרעתו ממנו, she tore it off him, וטפחה לו על ראשו, and she slapped him on his head, וירקה לו בפניו, and she spit in his face, ולא הכלימה, and he still didn't embarrass her. And as תוספות says, something happened, she lost her mind, but still he didn't do anything to her, and this shows how much respect he had for his mother. תני אבימי בריה דרבי אבהו, אבימי the son of רבי אבהו learned, יש מאכיל לאביו פסיוני, there's a possibility for a person to feed his father very good food. פסיוני really are birds, very fat birds, as רש''י and תוספות say, similar to the שלו, the birds that they had in the מדבר, and that's a very good food. So it's a possibility that a person should feed his father very good food, וטורדו מן העולם, and this should push him away from the world, which means that even though it seems like he's doing something very good, nevertheless, he will get punished for it. ויש, and there is a possibility, מטחינו בריחים, that you make your father work in a mill, ומביאו לחיי העולם הבא, and this still brings him into חיי עולם הבא and gives him עולם הבא. And it depends how you do it. If you give your father food, but at the same time you show him that you're unhappy with it, you'd rather it shouldn't happen, so then, even if you give him the good food, nevertheless, you get punished for it. On the other hand, even if you make your father work hard, but you speak to him nicely and you show him that there is no other choice, this is the only way you could support yourself, so then by doing that, you will get rewarded. And as רש''י and תוספות bring, that this is not just a possibility, but in ירושלמי the גמרא actually brings two cases. It brings a case there, there was this one person who used to give his father פסיוני, this good bird. Once his father asked him, where do you get all this from? So he said, old man, what do you care? You just grind, in other words, you just chew and eat. So he showed his father that he really was upset in the fact that he had to feed him, so this person would get punished for it. Then there's another story in the ירושלמי, that there was this man who his job was to grind in a mill, his father was old, and then there was a צו from the מלך, there's a decree that came from the king that the father should go work for the king. So the son said to his father, you know what, you take over my job at the mill, and I will go work for the king, because when you go to work for the king, it's never ending, you don't know how long this will last, while staying here and working, this has an end. So he made his father work instead of him by the mill, but he did this in order to save his father from having to work for the king. So this is a case where a son makes his father work hard, but nevertheless will get reward for it. Then the גמרא continues, אמר רבי אבהו, רבי אבהו said, כגון אבימי ברי מצות כיבוד, that if you talk about the מצוה of כיבוד אב, it is like my son אבימי used to do, because חמישה בני סמכא הוו ליה לאבימי בחיי אביו, אבימי had five sons that he could rely on them in the lifetime of his father, וכי הוה אתי רבי אבהו, but when רבי אבהו used to come, קרי אבבא, he would knock on the door, he would say that he's coming, רהיט ואזיל, he would run and go, פתח ליה, and he would open for him, even though he had five sons and he could send one of his sons to open the door for his father, for their grandfather, nevertheless he would go himself, and he would open the door. ואמר and he said, אין אין, עד דמטי התם. Yes, yes, till I'm coming. He wanted his father to hear that he's coming, and he should wait. יומא חד, one day, אמר ליה he said to him, אשקיין מיא, give me water to drink. עד דאייתיה ליה, till he brought him the water, נמנם, he fell asleep. גחין, he bent down, קאי עליה, he sent stood next to him, עד דאיתער, till he woke up. אסתייעא מילתא, but this came out because of that something happened, ודרש אבימי מזמור לאסף, that while he was waiting, he was able to in his mind understand פשט in the קפיטל תהלים מזמור לאסף which he didn't understand before. And it seems this was a reward for his fulfilling the מצוה of כיבוד אב so strongly that he stood next to his father waiting till he wakes up, and because of that, השם gave him reward that he was able to understand the פשט in this קפיטל מזמור לאסף. But רש״י also brings another פשט that it wasn't that he understood the whole קפיטל, the whole מזמור of מזמור לאסף, but he had a דרש on the first פסוק of מזמור לאסף, and רש״י brings the דרש. The פסוק starts מזמור לאסף אלקים באו גוים בנחלתך, that אסף was saying a מזמור, and the מזמור started with the words השם, look, גוים came into your inheritance, which means that the בית המקדש is destroyed. And the question that is asked on this פסוק is, how can he start off with the words מזמור לאסף? קינה לאסף מיבעי ליה! Since he is speaking about something bad that happened, so he should cry about it, not praise השם. מזמור means a song. It's as if he's saying there is a song to אסף, אסף was singing, and be and was happy that גוים came בנחלתך, came into the בית המקדש. And the

דרש is as follows: that אסף was very happy that השם destroyed the בית המקדש, because if השם would not have destroyed the בית המקדש, so then the anger of השם would have been not on the walls of the בית המקדש, on the עצים ואבנים, on the stones and on the wood, but it wouldn't would have been חס ושלום on the אידן themselves. And if השם would let out his anger on the אידן, then חס ושלום there would be nothing left of כלל ישראל. So because השם let out his anger on the עצים ואבנים, on the walls of the בית המקדש, the wood and the stones of the בית המקדש, that saved כלל ישראל. And therefore, אסף was singing, באו גוים בנחלתך, he was happy that the גוים came into the בית המקדש and destroyed it, because that saved כלל ישראל. But then תוספות brings another דרש on this פסוק of מזמור לאסף, that אסף was singing that טבעו בארץ שעריה, on the fact that the gates of the בית המקדש were sunken to the ground. And it brings a משל, the מדרש brings a משל of a שפחה, of a maid that went to draw water from the well, and her jar fell into the water, and she was standing there and crying, knowing that no one would bother to take out her jar because her jar was very cheap, it was a jar of חרס, of earthenware, and she knew that no one would come and bother himself to help her take it out. Finally, she was waiting there, the maid of the king came, and she had a jar made of gold, and she too dropped her jar into the water. So now, when she saw that the other maid dropped her jar into the water, she became very happy, because now she understood: before, no one would come and take out my jar, but now that the jar of the king, which was made of gold, fell into the water, so now somebody will come and take that out, definitely, so while they take out her jar, they will take out my jar, too. And the same here: אסף was a son of קרח, and he sunk into the ground, and he was thinking whether and he will ever come out, but when he saw that the שערים of the בית המקדש, the gates of the בית המקדש were also sunken to the ground, then he was very happy because he knew that when they will come to take out the gates of the בית המקדש, they will take him out, too. Then the

גמרא continues: אמר ליה רבי יעקב בר אבוה לאביי, רבי יעקב בר אבוה said to אביי, כגון אנא, for instance, me, he's asking a question: what should I do? דעד דאתינא מבי רב, that till I come from my learning, אבא מדלי לי כסא, my father prepares me my כוס, ואימא מזגא לי, and my mother pours it in, היכי אעביד, what should I do? Should I take it from them, or not? They are giving me honor, and I am causing them to work for me. Am I allowed to do it, or not? אמר ליה, so he said to him, מאימך קבל, from your mother you should receive, ומאבוך לא קבל, לא תיקבל, from your father you should not take. Why? דכיון דבר תורה הוא, since he's a בר תורה, he's a תלמיד חכם, חלשא דעתיה, if he sees you take, he might feel bad, therefore don't take. Then the גמרא continues: רב טרפון הוה ליה ההיא אימא, רב טרפון had this mother, דכל אימת דהוה בעיא למיסק לפוריא, that whenever she wanted to go up to the bed, גחין, he would bend down, וסליק לה, he would help her up, וכל אימת דהוה נחית, whenever she would come down, נחתא עילויה, she would come down on him. אתא וקא משתבח בי מדרשא, he came and he praised himself in the בית מדרש. He was showing how much כיבוד אב ואם he does. אמרו ליה, they said to him, עדיין לא הגעת לחצי כיבוד, you didn't even reach half of the כיבוד. כלום זרקה ארנקי בפניך לים, did she take a wallet of money of yours and throw it in front of you into the ocean, ולא איכלמתה, and you didn't embarrass her? If that would happen, then you would really show that you fulfilled the מצוה of כיבוד אב. רב יוסף, כי הוה שמע קל כרעא דאימיה, when רב יוסף would hear the voice of the feet of his mother, he would hear his mother coming, אמר, he would say, איקום, I should stand up, מקמי שכינה דאתיא, in front of the שכינה that's coming. Because as we said before, that when you honor your father, your mother, then really you're honoring the שכינה. Then the

גמרא continues, אמר רבי יוחנן, and רבי יוחנן said, אשרי מי שלא חמאן. Good is to the one that didn't see them. Since it is so hard to fulfill the מצוה of כיבוד אב ואם, therefore, it's better if somebody, חס ושלום, is not able to fulfill it because he doesn't have a father and a mother. And the גמרא explains that that was the case of רבי יוחנן. רבי יוחנן, כי עברתיה אימיה, when his mother became pregnant with him, מית אבוה, his father died. ילדתיה, when she gave birth to him, מיתה אימיה, his mother died. So he never had a father and a mother, and therefore he said, it's good to the person that doesn't have a father and a mother, so he never could be נכשל in the מצוה of כיבוד אב ואם. וכן אביי. And the same thing happened to אביי, that when his mother became pregnant with him, his father died, and when his mother gave birth to him, his mother died. The גמרא asks, איני, is it not so? How could you say that אביי did not have a father and a mother, והא אמר אביי, didn't אביי say, אמרה לי אם, my mother told me, so we see he had a mother? And the גמרא answers, ההיא מרביינתיה הואי, that wasn't his mother, it was his stepmother, it was his nurse, it was the one that took care of him and he referred to her as his mother. And the גמרא continues, רב

אסי הוה ליה ההיא אימא זקנה, רב אסי had an old mother. אמרה ליה, she said to him, בעינא תכשיטין, I want jewelry. עבד לה, he made for her. He gave her what she wanted. Then she said, בעינא גברא, I want a husband. So he answered, נעיין לך, we'll look into it. I'll look for a husband. Then he said, she said, בעינא גברא דשפיר כוותך, I want a husband that should be as nice as you. So now he saw that she's asking things that's impossible, and he saw that really her mind wasn't working straight, שבקה, so he left her, ואזל לארעא דישראל, and he went to ארץ ישראל. He was afraid if he'll stay here, he won't be able to do everything she wants, and therefore, he will not fulfill the מצוה of כיבוד אם properly, so he decided that he's going to go away and he left to ארץ ישראל. שמע, he heard, דקא אזלא בתריה, he heard that she's coming after him. He was already in ארץ ישראל, and he heard that she's coming. אתא לקמיה דרבי יוחנן, he asked רבי יוחנן, he came to רבי יוחנן and he said, אמר ליה, he asked him, מהו, what is the דין, לצאת מארץ לחוץ לארץ? Is a person allowed to go out from ארץ ישראל to חוץ לארץ, to outside of ארץ ישראל? אמר ליה, he said to him, אסור. רבי יוחנן answered, you're not allowed. So he asked him, לקראת אמא מהו? What about going to see your mother, to go greet your mother, are you allowed to? אמר ליה, so he said to him, איני יודע, I don't know. אשהי פורתא, he waited a while. הדר אתא, he came back. אמר ליה, he said to him, אסי, ניתרצית לצאת? You decided to go out? In other words, he didn't think that he really wants to go out to greet his mother, he thought he wants to go out because he wants to leave ארץ ישראל. So he said to him, oh you decided to go out, המקום יחזירך לשלום, that השם take you back in peace. אתא לקמיה דרבי אלעזר, so he came to רבי אלעזר, אמר ליה, and he said to him, רב אסי said to רבי אלעזר, חס ושלום, דילמא מירתח רתח? Maybe רבי יוחנן is angry at me? אמר ליה, so he said to him, מאי אמר לך, what did he tell you? אמר ליה, he said to him, he told me המקום יחזירך לשלום, that השם should take you back in peace. אמר ליה, he said to him, דאי הוה, if it would be true, דרתח, that he would be angry, לא הוה מברך לך, he wouldn't have blessed you. Since he blessed you, you should understand that he's not angry at you. אדהכי והכי, in the meantime, שמע לארונא דקאתי. So רב אסי heard that the ארון, the casket of his mother came. In other words, his mother didn't come to ארץ ישראל alive, she was being brought to ארץ ישראל after she died. אמר, he said, אי ידעי, if I would know that she had died already, לא נפקי, I wouldn't have gone out. Because the reason he went out was to greet her, but had he known that she died, there is no reason in going out to greet her, because if she died already, there is no כיבוד in going out to greet her, so had he known, he wouldn't have gone out. Then the גמרא continues,

תנו רבנן the רבנן learned, מכבדו בחייו ומכבדו במותו. You have to honor your father while he's alive, and you have to honor your father even after he dies. בחייו כיצד, how do you honor your father while he's alive? The גמרא says, הנשמע בדבריו, הנשמע בדבריו למקום, if there is a place where he knows that he will be listened to in honor of his father, let's say it's a place where he knows that he if he would ask for something, they would do it for his sake, too, but he knows that he would ask it because of his father, they would also do it for the sake of his father. So in a case like that, לא יאמר, he should not say, שלחוני בשביל עצמי, send me away for my own sake. If he knows that if he would ask them to send him away for the sake of his father, they would do it, too, so he should not say send me away for my own sake, but he should say send me away for the sake of my father. Or מהרוני בשביל עצמי, rush me up because of myself, if he knows that if he would ask it for the sake of his father, they would do it, too. Or פטרוני בשביל עצמי, be פוטר me, let me go for my sake. He shouldn't say that, אלא כולו בשביל אבא, but all he should say all of these cases he should say, do it for the sake of my father. That is a way of bringing כבוד to his father. This is the way you do it בחייו, while the father is alive. במותו כיצד, how do you honor your father after he dies? היה אומר דבר שמועה מפיו, if he says a דבר שמועה, a דבר תורה, in his name, לא יאמר, he shouldn't say, כך אמר אבא, this is what my father said, אלא כך אמר, אבא מורי, הריני כפרת משכבו. That this is what my father, my teacher, said. And when he mentions his father, he should say, I am the כפרה for his death. In other words, anything that was supposed to come on the נפש of his father, should come upon him. So when he mentions anything in the name of his father, he should add the words, he should say, אבא מורי, and also add the words, הריני כפרת משכבו, that I take upon myself the כפרה for his death. והני מילי, but this is only תוך שנים עשר חודש, for the first 12 months. מכאן ואילך, afterwards, you cannot continue saying הריני כפרת משכבו, because the judgment of any ייד in גיהנם is only for 12 months, so after 12 months, there is no judgment that is supposed to come upon him, so he cannot say I take the place of my father's judgment, so from then on, after 12 months, אומר, he would say, when he mentioned his father, he would say, זכרונו לברכה, his זכרון, his remembrance should be for blessing, לחיי העולם הבא, for the life of עולם הבא. Then the גמרא continues,

תנו רבנן, the רבנן learned, חכם משנה שם אביו ושם רבו, that when a חכם דרשנ'ס in public, the custom used to be that a חכם used to say the דרשה, he used to learn the תורה, and then he used to have a מתורגמן, a person who would translate and repeat the words that he said to the public. So the חכם, when he mentions his father's, a דין, so he should not say the name of his father, but he should change it. Or if he mentions a דין that was said by his רבי, he should not mention his רבי's name, he should change it. What should he change it to? If it's the דין of his father, he should say, this דין my father said. If it's a דין that was in the name of his רבי, he should say, my רבי said this, but not mention them by their names. תורגמן, but when the translator, he re he wants to repeat it to the public, אינו משנה, he doesn't change, לא שם אביו ולא שם רבו, not his father's name and not his רבי's name. And the גמרא asks, אבוה דמאן? When we say that the תורגמן should not change the name of his father or the name of the רבי, whose father are we talking about? אילימא אבוה דמתורגמן, if you're going to say it means the father of the מתורגמן, let's say the חכם that said the דין, said the דין in the name of the father of the מתורגמן, so the חכם is allowed to say his name, because to the חכם, he is not a father. And the תורגמן, when he repeats it, maybe the גמרא means that the תורגמן also doesn't have to change it, and he is able to mention his father by the name. So if we're going to say that we're talking about the father of the תורגמן, אטו תורגמן לאו בר חיובא הוא? Is not the תורגמן מחויב? Doesn't the תורגמן have the מצוה of כיבוד אב? So how can you say that when the תורגמן will repeat a דין that the חכם told him in the name of the תורגמן's father, he doesn't have to change it? אלא אמר רבא, therefore רבא said, that when it says here that the תורגמן does not have to change the name of his father or the name of his רבי, it is שם אביו של חכם ושם רבו של חכם. It is It is in a case when he is repeating a דין in the name of the father of the חכם or in the name of the רבי of the חכם. When the חכם tells him the דין, the חכם changes the name, because it's his father, but when he repeats it in public, he doesn't have to repeat it exactly as he was told by the חכם, but he should mention the name of the father of the חכם or the name of the רבי of the חכם. But if he would repeat a דין which was in his own father's name, then definitely he has to change that. כי הא דמר בר רב אשי, just like we know the case of מר בר רב אשי, כי הוה דריש בפירקא, when he darshened in the פירקא, when he darshened in public, איהו אמר, he said, אבא מרי, when he mentioned the דין in the name of his father, he referred to him as אבא מרי, as my father, my teacher. ואמורא, his אמורא, which means his תורגמן, אמר, he said, הכי אמר רב אשי, this is what רב אשי said. רב אשי, who was the father of מר בר רב אשי, so when he repeated the דין that he was told by מר בר רב אשי, so he did not use the same words as מר בר רב אשי when he said, "My father said," but he actually used his name. He said, "This is what רב אשי said." When the גמרא before brought the מעשה of כיבוד אם of רב טרפון, so תוספות bring that in ירושלמי we find more stories.

In ירושלמי it says that once the mother of רב טרפון lost her shoes or her socks in the yard, so she went off her bed to look for it, so רב טרפון put his hands under her feet on the ground that when she walked, she constantly stepped on his hands in order not to get her feet dirty. And another story it says in ירושלמי that the mother of רבי ישמעאל, whenever רבי ישמעאל used to come from the ישיבה, she used to wash his feet for him and she used to, later on, drink up the water. When רבי ישמעאל heard that this is what she does, he didn't let her do it anymore, till she came to the חכמים, to the בית המדרש, and she complained against her son רבי ישמעאל saying that רבי ישמעאל does not want to fulfill the מצוה of כיבוד אם. And the חכמים got very scared. What is the פשט that רבי ישמעאל is not מקיים the מצוה of כיבוד אם? Till they found out, they asked רבי ישמעאל, and he told them the מעשה, so they told him that let her do it, because if this is what she wants, so then by letting her do it, you are fulfilling the מצוה of כיבוד אם. And similarly, what we learned before, that רב יוסף said that if we will hear that the הלכה is like רבי יהודה, that a סומא is פטור from the מצות, he will make a יום טוב to the רבנן, because he was a סומא, and if he is פטור from the מצות and nevertheless he does it, he felt that it's a very big זכות. But later on, when he heard that גדול המצווה ועושה ממי שאינו מצווה ועושה, he said that if he will hear the הלכה is not like רבי יהודה, that's when he will make a יום טוב to the רבנן. So תוספות brings that from here רבינו תם has a ראיה to his דין, because we have a מחלוקת in the ראשונים whether women, who are not obligated to fulfill the מצות עשה שהזמן גרמא, those מצות that depend on time, if they do want to do it, are they allowed to make a ברכה or not? And the רבינו תם holds that the women are allowed to make a ברכה when they fulfill a מצוה, מצות עשה שהזמן גרמא. And his ראיה, one of his ראיות at least, is from this גמרא here. Because originally, when רב יוסף said he would make a big יום טוב when he would find out that the הלכה is like רבי יהודה, that a סומא is פטור from the מצות, and therefore he was פטור, so he would be very happy, because he would see that even though he's פטור, he nevertheless does it. But לכאורה, if the דין is that somebody is פטור from a מצוה, when he does it, he's not allowed to make a ברכה, so why would רב יוסף have been happy? He should have been very sad that if he would find out the הלכה is like רבי יהודה, that a סומא is פטור from the מצות, so he is פטור from all the מצות, and nevertheless, he did all the מצות previously, and he made a ברכה on the מצות, so it comes out that he made so many ברכות לבטלה. And since he did not feel that way, he felt that he would be very happy to hear that the הלכה is like רבי יהודה, because then he would know that even though he is not obligated to do the מצות, nevertheless he did it, thinking that it's greater to do the מצות while you're not obligated, and he didn't feel at all bad about the ברכות he made, that's a ראיה that when a person is not obligated to do a מצוה and nevertheless he does it, he is allowed to make a ברכה. It's also interesting to note concerning the opinion of רב חנינא that גדול מצווה ועושה ממי שאינו מצווה ועושה, that it's greater if a person does a מצוה if he is commanded rather than doing the מצות if you're not commanded. Now, the

question is why? On one hand, we would think that it's greater if a person does a מצוה while he's not commanded, as רב יוסף originally thought. And the reason for that is because then you show more to השם how much you love him. If you do something that you must do, that doesn't show your חביבות המצות. That doesn't show how much you love to do the מצות. You do it because you have to. But when you do something that you don't have to, and you know that השם will be happy to do it, but you don't have to do it, so if you wouldn't really have the חביבות המצות, you wouldn't have the love for the מצות, you wouldn't have the love to השם, you wouldn't do it, because you don't have to. So when you do do it, that shows you love השם. So on one hand, it would seem that it's greater if you do a מצוה when you are not מצווה rather than when you are מצווה. And nevertheless, רב חנינא said, גדול מצווה ועושה ממי שאינו מצווה ועושה, that if you are commanded, and you do it, it is greater than if you do it while you're not commanded. But the פשט is as follows. When a person does a מצוה, he gets very close to השם. Because the word מצוה in itself doesn't only come from the שורש of ציווי, of commandment, but מצוה also has another meaning. The word מצוה comes from the word צוותא, which means connection. When a איד does a מצוה, he gets connected to השם, he gets close to השם. And getting close to השם is something that is only possible if you are commanded to do it. If you are not commanded to do it, it is impossible for a person to get close to השם. And the reason is as follows: A person is part of the creation. השם is the Creator. Now, the creation from the Creator is very far. The two furthest extremes that we could think of are the extremes of בורא and נברא, the Creator and the creation. Now, when a person gets close to השם, the פשט really is that he goes out of the framework of creation, and he gets connected to the Creator. As long as he is in the framework of creation, he cannot get connected to the Creator. So when we say that when you do a מצוה you get close to השם, close to the Creator, that means that spiritually, ברוחניות, you go out of the framework of creation, and you get close to the Creator. Now, to leave the level of creation and get close to the Creator is impossible to be done by the creation itself. Whatever a person will do on his own, whether it's his שכל, based on his שכל, or his מדות, his emotions, or whatever it may be, so then it is still something that comes from within creation. Because his שכל is part of creation, his מדות are part of creation. Since it's all part of him, so it's all part of creation. So whatever he will do, and how high he will reach, and how deep he will go,

it'll still be within the creation. So whatever he will do on his own, he will still be within the framework of creation, and he will not be able to go out of that framework and connect himself to השם, who is the Creator beyond the framework of creation. It will be similar to somebody who'd want to pick himself up by pulling himself by his own ears, because whatever he's doing is within himself, so he'll never get out of himself. The same thing, whatever a person will do, since he does it on his own, so it's all from within him, so it's within creation, so he'll never go out of creation. The only way it's possible for a איד to leave, so to speak, the creation and get close to the Creator, is only if he is pulled up by the Creator. השם, who is the Creator, who is the בעל הבית over the creation, He is able to take something of the creation out of its framework and bring it up closer to Him, to the Creator. So therefore, after השם commanded us to do the מצוות, so then השם said, "I am giving you the כח in these מצוות that when you do those מצוות, which are My will, My commandment, you are able to go out of the framework of creation and reach Me, the Creator." But that could only be done if we were commanded by השם. So then השם is the One that's pulling us up when He gave us these מצוות. But if we do a מצוה, but we were not commanded, so as far as the person who does it is concerned, there is no special כח that's put into those מצוות to pull this person out of the framework of creation. So therefore, maybe as far as effort and as far as showing the חביבות המצוה, he shows it more if he does it not being commanded. But the

special כח of getting close to השם only could be if he is commanded to do it. And therefore ר' חנינא said that גדול המצווה ועושה ממי שאינו מצווה ועושה. Because if you're commanded to do the מצוה and you do it, so then when you do the מצוה you actually get close to השם, you leave the framework of creation and you get close to השם. While if you do the מצוה not being commanded, you're doing it on your own, so then you reach a very high level, but all the levels that you might reach are within the creation, and you do not really reach השם, who is the Creator, who is completely beyond creation. And this is really the פשט in the מדרש, when the מדרש speaks about the difference between the מצוות that אברהם אבינו, יצחק אבינו, יעקב אבינו, that the אבות did, לגבי the מצוות that we do. Because we know that קיים אברהם אבינו כל התורה כולה עד שלא ניתנה. אברהם אבינו kept all the מצוות even before it was given, even the מצוות דרבנן, even the מצוה of עירוב תבשילין, and יצחק too, and יעקב too. But they kept the מצוות not being commanded to do it. It was before it was given, before מתן תורה, before the אידן were commanded to keep the מצוות. And the מדרש says that there is a big difference between the מצוות that the אבות did and the מצוות that we do. The מדרש says it on a פסוק where it says לריח שמניך טובים שמן תורק שמך. And the

מדרש says that כל התורה מצוות שעשו האבות, that all the מצוות the האבות did are only לריח שמניך. They're only like a ריח, only like a smell. אבל אנו, but we, after the תורה was given and we fulfill the מצוות, שמן תורק שמך, it is כמוריק מכלי אל כלי. It is as if you take perfume and you pour it from one כלי into the other כלי. There are two ways a person could have benefit from perfume: you could smell the perfume, or you could actually take a little bit from the perfume and pour it into another bottle and you take it with you. And the מדרש says that the אבות only had like a smell, and what we have is we actually have the perfume itself that is given to us. The פשט in the מדרש is that since the אבות did the מצוות before they were commanded, so that's only like a smell. They didn't have the essence. In other words, they didn't really reach השם because they did the מצוות, as we would call them, בכח עצמו, on their own. And since they are human beings, so whatever they did on their own, they only reached the level, the highest level maybe, of the creation. While after the תורה was given, השם came down and He said, "I give you the תורה, and I command you to do the מצוות." So when we do a מצוה now, we do it with the כח that השם put into it, and השם is beyond creation. So when we do a מצוה, we actually have השם Himself close to us, we have the essence, because we were given the מצוות by השם, we were commanded to do it.

Concerning the גמרא earlier, where the גמרא brought the פסוק ראש דברך אמת, that the beginning of your words are true, and the גמרא asked, what is the פשט that only the beginning of the words are true, but not your end of the words? And the גמרא learned out from here that from the end of the words the אומות העולם, the גוים, admitted to the beginning of the words, because in the beginning, when השם said אנכי and לא יהיה לך, they said, לכבוד עצמו הוא דורש, he's talking for his own כבוד. Later on, when He said, כבד את אביך ואת אמך, they admitted that השם did not say it for his own כבוד. So the מהרש''א asked a question: where do we find in the פסוק ראש דברך אמת that from the סוף of the words they realized the truth of the beginning of the words? All the פסוק says is ראש דברך אמת, that the beginning of your words are true. Where does the תורה, the פסוק mention that through the סוף דבריו, through the end of the words, they found out that the beginning of the words are true? And the מהרש''א says that באמת the גמרא relied on the end of the פסוק. The end of the פסוק is ולעולם כל משפט צדקך. ראש דברך אמת ולעולם כל משפט צדקך, that the beginning of your words are true, and forever כל משפט צדקך, there is the judgment of your righteousness, or to the world is the judgment of your righteousness. And he explains that the מצוה of כיבוד אב is a מצוה that even the גוים understand. It is for the sake of the establishment of the world. And that's what the פסוק means, that when they saw the ולעולם כל משפט צדקך, the משפט, the judgment of the righteousness of השם, how it is good for the world, and they saw that through the מצוה of כיבוד אב, so that's when they understood that ראש דברך אמת, that the beginning of your words are also true. In other words, he explains the פשט is that ראש דברך אמת came through the end of the פסוק of ולעולם כל משפט צדקך. And he explains, why do we call כיבוד אב סוף דבריו, the end of the words? Really, it's not the end of the words, it is not the last of the עשרת הדברות. But he says, since we had two לוחות, and on each לוח there were five דברות, the end of the first לוח was the מצוה of כבד את אביך ואת אמך, therefore, he calls it סוף דבריו.

Concerning what we learn in the גמרא, that there was a שאלה, נתגרשה מהו? Like this, we said that if there is a שאלה of כיבוד אב or כיבוד אם, which one comes first? So we said that כיבוד אב comes first, because you and your mother are מחוייב in the כבוד of your father. But then the גמרא asked, what is the דין if his mother was divorced? And the מסקנא is that they're both equal, and therefore, if there's a שאלה of כיבוד אב or כיבוד אם, they're both equal. So in טל תורה, the מאיר אריק asked a question: that לכאורה, the דין should be that כיבוד אב should come first. Because the גמרא said before that גלוי וידוע, it is known to השם, that a person naturally would rather give כבוד to his mother than his father, because שמשדלתו בדברים, she speaks to him very nicely, etc. So it comes out that naturally, a person would give more כבוד to his mother. So he asked that the דין should be that you should give כבוד to your father first in order to be כופף יצרו, in order to bend your יצר הרע. Because we find the גמרא in בבא מציעא, where it says that what is the דין if you have אוהב לפרוק ושונא לטעון? There's a דין of פירוק, that if you see somebody that has a hard time to take off a load from an animal, you must help him, or if you see somebody who has a hard time putting it onto the animal, you must help him. And the גמרא שאלה is that what happens if you have a friend that you see has a hard time taking off, and you have an enemy who has a hard time putting on, which one comes first? And the גמרא says, מצוה בשונא. It is a greater מצוה to do, to help your enemy. And the גמרא gives the reason, כדי לכוף יצרו, in order to be כופה, to bend your יצר הרע. Since a person would rather not do it, so in order to bend the יצר הרע, the דין is that you should rather do it to the שונא before you would do it to your אוהב, to your friend. So here too, since naturally a person would rather have more כבוד for his mother, so the דין should be that the כבוד of the father should come first, in order to be לכוף יצרו. And he doesn't give an answer, all he says, ויש לחלק. And it's possible that the חילוק is that over there it is a real לכוף יצרו, because a person doesn't want to help his שונא. So when you help your שונא, you help your enemy, so actually you are bending the יצר הרע. So there we say that do that before you would help your friend. But in here it is not the פשט that you have a יצר הרע not to be מכבד your father, it is just that naturally, על פי דרך הטבע, a person would first or give more כבוד to his mother than to his father, so this special דין of לכוף יצרו really doesn't apply here.

Later on in the גמרא, the גמרא said that רב טרפון came to the בית מדרש and he praised himself of how he fulfilled the מצוה of כיבוד אם, and they told him that really he didn't even reach to half of the way a person is supposed to fulfill the מצוה of כיבוד אם. So רב מאיר אריק also in the טל תורה asks, how did he do it? Don't we know that it's forbidden for a person to praise himself when he does a מצוה? As it says in אורח חיים סימן תקס"ה concerning תענית, and it says in יורה דעה סימן רמ"ט concerning צדקה. And it seems, he says, this is not only concerning those two מצות, it seems that it is concerning all מצות. So he asks the question, how was רב טרפון allowed to praise himself concerning the מצוה that he did? Another interesting thing concerning this גמרא is we find a מחלוקת between the רמב"ם and the ראב"ד. The רמב"ם in הלכות ממרים פרק ו' הלכה י' writes, מי שנטרפה דעתו של אביו ושל אמו, if one's father or mother, they went out of their mind, ישתדל לנהוג עמהם כפי דעתם, he has to try to act with them as best as possible, עד שירחם עליהם, till השם will have רחמנות on them and they will become healthy. ואם אי אפשר לו לעמוד, and if it's impossible for him to stand, מפני שנשתטו ביותר, because they became very crazy, יניחם, he should leave them, וילך לו, he should go away, ויצוה אחרים להנהיגם כראוי להם, and he should tell others that they should act with them as they should. And the ראב"ד writes on this הלכה, אמר אברהם אין זו הוראה נכונה, this is not a true פסק דין, because אם הוא ילך, if he will go, ויניח לו, and he will leave him, למי יצוה לשומרו? Who is he going to command, who is he going to tell to watch them? So the ראב"ד holds that you are not allowed to leave the father or the mother even if they were נשתטה. But the נושאי כלים of the רמב"ם say that the רמב"ם has a מקור in our גמרא. The רמב"ם takes this from our גמרא. In our גמרא there was the story with רב אסי that his mother first asked him to bring her jewelry, he gave her jewelry, then she asked him to do get a husband for her, he said, I'll look into it, then when he saw she's asking too much, too much and she wasn't asking normal things, so he went away to ארץ ישראל. So we see from our גמרא clear, clearly that if a person has a parent that is נשתטה, you're allowed to leave them. And concerning the question that the ראב"ד asks that if he's going to leave them, whom is he going to tell to watch them? So we see in our גמרא that this happened, because otherwise, what happened to her? He left her and he went to ארץ ישראל, he definitely gave over to somebody else to take care of her. So we see that if you give over to somebody else to take care, you're allowed, and that's exactly what the רמב"ם says. That the רמב"ם says that ויצוה אחרים להנהיגם כראוי להם, he should tell others that they should take care of her. But the ר"ן in our גמרא, and the כסף משנה brings it there in הלכות ממרים, they say that maybe the ראב"ד learned that in our גמרא, since it was talking about going to ארץ ישראל, that's why he was allowed, but if not about going to ארץ ישראל, just to leave one's mother or one's father because they are נשתטה, that the ראב"ד holds you're not allowed.