Thank you very much, and really welcome all newcomers, and hopefully you'll come every week. As you just heard, we are try I'm trying to start this week a series for the next couple of weeks on different portions of tefillah, of davening. And this will not be a class in halacha of tefillah or in the halacha of different section of davening, but as we always do, this will be like an explanation, interpretation of the deeper meanings of the different sections of davening that I will choose, meaning the way they are explained in Kabbalah and Chassidus. Obviously, when I talk about Kabbalah, I mean bringing it down in simple terms, even though it's all based on the depth of Kabbalah, and trying to explain the Chasidic interpretation, the meaning behind the different sections of tefillah. Probably when we discuss that, automatically we have to mention certain halachic things too and certain simple interpretations, but that's not the goal of the class. The goal of the class is to explain it according to Chassidus, the way we find in different ספרים and the sichos of the Rebbe, but based on the way Chabad Chassidus explains the different parts of of davening. Since today is the first of the series, so obviously we will start with the first, first tefillah, the first part of davening of the day. Now, which is the first, first tefillah of the day? That is Modeh Ani. Modeh Ani we say when we wake up in the morning. As soon as we open our eyes, we are supposed to say Modeh Ani. It's brought down in the Ateret Zekenim, and also the Alter Rebbe in Shulchan Aruch brings it, and in the siddur, that כשיעור משנתו, as soon as you wake up from your sleep, before you even wash negel vasser. We know that the first thing a person is supposed to do is wash negel vasser, wash his hands. That's why we have negel vasser prepared next to our beds, that as soon as we wa- wake up, we shouldn't have to walk ד׳ אמות, four cubits, in order to get to the water to wash negel vasser. And it even says that we should not put our feet down from the bed on the floor without negel vasser. So the first thing that we do is supposed to wash negel vasser. With the cup that's there, we wash once, twice, one hand, the other hand, the other hand, six times. That's the first thing we do. But there's one thing that we do before we yet wash negel vasser, and that is we say Modeh Ani. And the meaning of Modeh Ani, as we have in the siddur here, you know what the words of Modeh Ani, we wake up and we say to Hashem Modeh Ani, and I will use the simple translation, מודה אני לפניך, I thank You, Hashem, we don't say Hashem's name, but we say מודה אני לפניך, I am מודה, I thank You, in front of You, מלך חי וקים, the King that lives and exists forever, שהחזרת בי נשמתי בחמלה, that You have returned to me my soul, בחמלה means with mercy, with pity, רבה אמונתך, the faith is great, Your faith, the faith in You is great. That's the simple translation of Modeh Ani. So this is thanksgiving to Hashem for returning us our neshama, and we say that as soon as we open our eyes, as soon as we wake up. Being that this is the first, first thing that we say to Hashem, meaning this is the first communication that we have with Hashem, obviously this must be the gate to all other communications that we do throughout the day. This must be the basis of all the tefilot, of all the prayers that we say throughout the day. We know that the beginning is always the foundation. What we start off in the when we start it's like opening the door. When you open the door, then it's already open and everything else could flow. So the opening of the door, the opening of the gate of our communications with Hashem is מודה אני. So obviously this מודה אני is a very, very important prayer. If it's the first and the source and the foundation of all other prayers, obviously this is a very, very important prayer. But the question is, why is it so important? How can it be so important if it doesn't even have Hashem's name? A real tefilah, which is connected with a bracha, has to have שם ומלכות, we call it. שם ומלכות means you have to say השם אלקינו מלך העולם. And all brachot start with ברוך אתה השם אלקינו מלך העולם, blessed are You השם, our God, the King of the universe, etc., etc. Some brachot, for certain halachic reasons, don't start with ברוך, but they finish with ברוך, like all the blessings in Shemoneh Esrei, in the Amida, 18, 19 brachot. They don't all start with ברוך, but all of them finish with a ברוך, ברוך אתה השם. Here we have a tefilah that doesn't even have Hashem's name in it. Now the simple reason why it doesn't have Hashem's name in it is because we say it before negel vasser. And before negel vasser our hands are still tamei, are impure. Therefore we cannot mention Hashem's name. That is true. But whatever the reason may be, the fact is that this doesn't even have Hashem's name in it. So how can this be such an important prayer which would be the gate to all prayers of the day? That's one question that we have to think about which will guide us to understand the deeper meaning of this prayer. The truth is that there is a similar prayer that we say in the morning, not much very long after we say מודה אני, which has the same meaning, and that is אלוקי נשמה. We say אלוקי, my God, נשמה שנתת בי טהורה היא, the neshama that You gave to me, put into me, is pure, and we go on, אתה בראתה, אתה יצרתה, אתה נפחתה בי, You created it, You formed it, You blew it into me, and You hold it to me, ואתה עתיד ליטלה ממני, and You will take it, ולהחזירה לעתיד לבוא, and give it back, כל זמן שהנשמה בקרבי, as long as the neshama is within me, I thank You Hashem. And we say ברוך אתה השם, thank, blessed is Hashem, blessed are You השם, המחזיר נשמות לפגרים מתים, who returns the neshamot to the dead bodies, which means ourselves. When we went to sleep, we gave our neshama to Hashem, and in the morning He returned it. So here we have a blessing with השם's name that we say. So what is the idea of saying it twice? Now, we cannot say that blessing right away because that has Hashem's name, and we say it we say מודה אני when we didn't wash negel vasser yet. But still, obviously, there are two types of things here. First we say מודה אני, and then we say אלוקי נשמה. Interesting enough, the whole concept of מודה אני was instituted not long ago. In the Gemara, which was the time when all the berachot, blessings, and all the tefillot, all the prayers were established by the חכמים, מודה אני is not mentioned. מודה אני started, I would say, 500 years ago, probably. Before that, they did not say מודה אני. If מודה אני is so important, as we see that this is the first thing that we have now, and obviously it's the gate to all the tefillot, why is it that מודה אני was only established the last few hundred years, and in the earlier years, in the time of the Chachamim, they did not say מודה אני? There must be something there. So there is the simple explanation, and then there is a deeper explanation after we understand have a deeper insight in what the meaning of this tefillah of מודה אני is. But first I just want to mention that in a certain booklet which the Rebbe wrote, which is called Kuntres Inyana Shel Torat HaChassidut, the Rebbe brings the meaning of מודה אני, and he says that since every aspect in Torah is interpreted in four ways: פשט, רמז, דרוש, and sod. We know the whole Torah, every pasuk, every part of Torah is interpreted in one of these four ways. In each one of these four ways, you have many, many different interpretations. But there are definitely four ways: peshat is the simple interpretation, remez is the hint, the word hinting, the hints that we get there, derush is what we learn out from there, we learn out one thing from another, and sod are the secrets, which is Kabbalah. The Rebbe explains what is the פשט, רמז, דרוש, and sod and secret of מודה אני, and then he adds, what is the explanation of מודה אני according to Chassidut? Even though usually we say Chassidut and Kabbalah and סודות התורה go together, but here we see that Chassidut has another interpretation of מודה אני, and this will be the bulk of the discussion tonight, which is will be the concerning the Chassidic interpretation of מודה אני. But let me just mention first the other interpretations. The first one is the peshat, the simple one. What is the meaning of Modeh Ani? Modeh Ani means we thank Hashem for returning us our neshamah. We went to sleep, and when you go to sleep, you, so to speak, give your neshamah back to Hashem, and in the morning Hashem returns it. So we have to thank Him, we have to show an appreciation, we have to thank Him. And we say it right as soon as we get up. And the reason is, because when we thank Hashem for anything that we have, it has to be done very close to the time when we have the benefit. For instance, when we make a bracha on food, you can't make a bracha on food 10 minutes after you eat the food, you have to make it right when you eat. Actually, you have to even make it before. But it has to be at the time when you eat. When you make a bracha for a mitzvah, for tefillin, for lighting Shabbos candles, you don't make the bracha ten minutes after you did the mitzvah. You do it at the same time of the mitzvah. So or the time when we have benefit from something, when we have to make what we call ברכת הנהנין, a bracha for getting benefit, we make it together with the benefit. Here too, the benefit is the moment when we get up, so we have to say it right away. And that's why we can't rely on Elokai Neshama, because Elokai Neshama we say later. Now we can't say Elokai Neshama before, as we said before, because we didn't wash negel vasser yet, but we do have to thank Hashem right away. So right away we say Modeh Ani. A little later we say Elokai Neshama, because there are certain things in Elokai Neshama that we didn't say in Modeh Ani. Besides we didn't mention Hashem's name, so we say it later again. In the olden days, in the time of the Gemara, they used to say Elokai Neshama as soon as they got up, different than we do now, that after we get up and we get dressed, and then we start with the brachos, we say Elokai Neshama. So that's why by them, this is a simple reason why those days Elokai Neshama was, I mean Modeh Ani was not really needed, because Elokai Neshama was said then. But basically, getting to the point, the meaning of Modeh Ani according to peshat is thanking Hashem for giving us back our neshamah when we woke up in the morning. According to remez, the meaning of Modeh Ani is it's a remez, it hints to תחיית המתים. It reminds us of the resurrection of the dead, because really when we went to sleep, it's almost like dead. It says that when you're asleep it's אחד מששים במיתה, it's one-sixtieth of death. And then you wake up, Hashem gives you your neshamah back. So that strengthens our emunah that there will be תחיית המתים in the future, and that's the meaning of the words רבה אמונתך. The emunah that we have in You, and the emunah that we have in all the things that You promised, and one of them is תחיית המתים, is great. Since we wake up in the morning, this strengthens our emunah. But this is a remez. This is a hint, a remez from the Modeh Ani, from waking up to תחיית המתים. Then there is the derush. The derush of Modeh Ani is Hashem returns us our neshamah. We give Him the neshamah at night, He gives it back. Now the truth is, there is a lot, a lot that we owe Hashem. The neshamah is a פקדון. The neshamah is something that we give Him to watch for us. When it comes for Him to give back, He could tell us, you know, you don't deserve to get it back, you owe Me so much, and I have something of yours, why should I give it back, when you didn't pay Me what you have to? Nevertheless, Hashem gives it back. So we darshen from here, we make a derush, that a person should behave the same way. That if you have a פקדון, if you have an object of somebody that he put with you to watch, and that time comes to give it back, don't say to him, well, I know you owe me this, you owe me that, I don't want to give it back to you. You have to be a trustworthy person, רבה אמונתך, you have to have be נאמנות, you have to be a trustworthy person, and give it back. That's a derush that we take out from Modeh Ani. The sod, the Kabbalah of Modeh Ani, and I will not elaborate on it, just say the words, that in order for Hashem to give the neshamah back, it goes through ספירת המלכות as it is connected to ספירת היסוד. In Kabbalah we learn that there are the עשר ספירות, the ten ספירות: חכמה, בינה, דעת, חסד, גבורה, תפארת, נצח, הוד, יסוד, and מלכות, and these are the ten ספירות in אצילות. We have these ten ספירות, and the return of the neshamah comes through the ספירה of מלכות, which is מלך, but only the way מלכות is connected to the Sefirah above it which is יסוד, which the Ari Zal says in the Siddur, in the Siddur HaAri Zal, חי וקים refers to the Sefirah of יסוד. That's what he explains. So when we say מלך חי וקים, that the מלך, which is ספירת המלכות, the way it's connected to חי וקים, that's how החזרת בי נשמתי. That's the kabbalistic interpretation connection to Modeh Ani.

Then comes the Chassidish interpretation of Modeh Ani. It says in Chassidus, and the Rebbe Rashab writes it in a maamar, and this is basically the concept that he writes: that when we say Modeh Ani, as soon as we wake up in the morning, what we're really saying to Hashem is, listen here Hashem, I am giving myself over completely, fully with everything I have to You, beyond any limits, and beyond טעם ודעת, beyond understanding, beyond my intellect, beyond my grasp, I'm giving myself over completely to You. This is what he says Modeh Ani means, and this is what I'm going to explain, according to this meaning, what, how it is, and what it is all about, what it is all about Modeh Ani. The simple translation, as I said before, Modeh means thanks. Todah, todah means thanks. Modeh Ani means I thank you. Thanking means you show appreciation. Hashem did something good for you, you have to show hakarat hatov, you have to show appreciation. This is a very, very important middah. Even to show an appreciation to another human being is very, very important middah in Yiddishkeit. Certainly showing an appreciation to Hashem for a good thing He did to us. So we have to say thank you. This is basically what it is. מודה אני לפניך, I'm thanking you, Hashem. But there is another meaning to the word Modeh. Modeh doesn't mean only thanking. Modeh means to admit. In the Gemara we find, sometimes, when you have an argument between Chachamim and different opinions, let's say Chachamim and Rav Meir, and we find an expression in the Gemara: מודה רב מאיר לחכמים, רב מאיר admitted to the Chachamim. And it uses the word Modeh. Modeh means to admit. We find an expression in Gemara always when we talk about the din of a מודה במקצת. You have a person who denies the claim, and then a person who admits to part of the claim. He is called a מודה במקצת. So modeh means admit. So מודים חכמים לרב מאיר means that Chachamim admit to Rabbi Meir. So modeh means to admit. But then there is another level of admitting. When we say that Rabbi Meir, for instance, admitted to the Chachamim, it means that he realized with his seichel that what the Chachamim said was right. First he argued, and then he says, \"Well, to this and this point I admit.\" That means I realize with my mind, with my seichel, that what you said was right. But then there is sometimes when you admit not because your seichel tells you that you're right, your logic tells you that that person is right. Sometimes there's a case when a person that's much greater than you says something, and you know that this person knows what he's talking about. He is your father, he is your Rebbe. So sometimes what happens, you would say, \"מודה אני, I'm modeh to you, I admit, not because in my seichel I realize that you are right, but I know that you're smarter than me, I know that you know more, so I admit to what you said.\" That's another level of admitting. So you have a level a level of admitting that you admit because your logic tells you that this person is right, and then you have sometimes that you admit beyond logic. This is the מודה אני. מודה אני means that we tell Hashem, we admit to You beyond our logic, not because we understand, and that would be the reason for our admitting, which admitting means giving yourself over, putting yourself under the jurisdiction of the person, \"I'm admitting, I'm giving myself over to you,\" not because of my logic, as a result of my logic, but beyond that, beyond my logic. This is what מודה אני is, and I'll explain it more in detail soon. And this is what Chassidus means when it says that מודה אני is that you tell Hashem, \"I'm giving myself over completely to Hashem, beyond טעם ודעת, beyond logic. It's not because I understand that I have to. It's more than that. It's my essence is given over to Hashem.\" This is what we say when we say מודה אני. So when we start off our day, we start off by saying to Hashem, not because we know that it's right, but essentially, our essence is given over to You, Hashem. מודה אני לפניך, I am modeh, I admit, which means not that I understand, even though I don't understand, I'm going beyond my understanding. That's what a person would do when his father says something and he doesn't understand. He says, \"Whether I understand or not, and I might understand that you are wrong, nevertheless, I admit to you, I give myself over to you,\" which is stronger than if you do it if you understand. If you do it, and I'll explain it more later, but the point is if you do it because of your understanding, it's limited to your understanding. And let's say tomorrow you'll get smarter and you'll understand differently, so then you've ruined your whole admitting because it's only based on your understanding. But if it's not based on your understanding, it's \"I don't understand and I still give myself over to you,\" that is giving over בכל עצמותו, with your whole עצם, with your whole essence, beyond טעם ודעת. This is מודה אני. But the truth is, we find throughout davenen other times where we use the same expression. First of all, the beginning of Shacharit, in נוסח ספרד and נוסח הארי or even by others it's not exact beginning, but almost the beginning, we start with הודו להשם. הודו להשם means the same thing. הודו comes from the same word as modeh, which means admit to Hashem. Then in the Shemoneh Esrei later on we say מודים אנחנו לך, we are מודה to You, which again would mean we admit to You. It goes so far that the last, last line of davenen, the very, very last line of davenen, after Aleinu, what is the last pasuk that we say? אך צדיקים יודו לשמך. Again we say the tzaddikim will admit to you. So we use this concept of admitting throughout tefillah. Nevertheless, this Modeh Ani is different than the מודים אנחנו לך, different than הודו, different than יודו, different every It has a different meaning, and I'll explain. Because there are different levels of admitting. As we said before, admitting means that beyond my understanding. But you could have a level of admitting that comes after your understanding, and you have a little a level of admitting that comes before your understanding. And let me explain. For instance, we're talking about davening here. You could come to a level of admitting after you understood, as Chassidus says, you have to be מתבונן, you have to meditate during davening, and realize the greatness of Hashem. That's what you're supposed to do. And the more you think about Hashem, the more you will reach a level of realizing that you have to be בטל to Hashem, you have to nullify yourself to Hashem. So the person would start thinking how great Hashem is, and as Chassidus explains how to think, it gives us a lot of food for thought, a lot of material what to think about. It tells us to think about מה רבו מעשיך השם, look how many your actions are, השם, מה גדלו, look how great they are. Look how great they are, look what you created, look what kind of universe you made, and the more we understand of the universe, and the more we see how great it is, how deep it is, and how wide it is, and all that came from Hashem, we understand even more how great Hashem is. And we go even a step further. There are two types types of understanding the greatness of Hashem, and Chassidus calls it in one place ידיעת החיוב and one ידיעת השלילה. One is knowing it in a positive way, one is knowing it in a negative way. First we know in a positive way, look what Hashem did, and obviously He is so great. But then we go a step further. We start realizing that we can't describe Hashem with all these great qualities either. First we say, we describe Him, look how smart He is. He's the biggest חכם. Look what kind of greatest בעל חסד He is. חסדניק He is, all the different מדות. But then we realize, can we describe Hashem as being a חכם? When we say He is a חכם, we are actually limiting Him to something. He is beyond limitations. We could only refer to Him as a חכם because He is definitely not not a חכם. So it's in a negative way. We refer to חכם in the form of שלילה, negative, that He is not not a חכם. He's not not a חסיד, He's not not a גברן, He's not not all this, because these are all great things. But to say this is what He is, we can't say that. So, going through all the details and we understand the greatness of Hashem, finally we come to realize that after all, who am I? I'm nothing. My understanding of the greatness of Hashem leads me to come to an understanding that I have to be batel, that I have to admit, as we said admitting means admitting to Hashem beyond my logic, but it comes as a result of my understanding. Then we have another level, that you admit before you understand. I don't understand, I just admit to Hashem. Now which of the two is greater? Well, obviously at first glance, the first level is greater. Because imagine, you're giving yourself over to Hashem, and after all the things that you understand, and finally you reach a point that you realize, that bitul is a much greater bitul than just saying, well I don't know, I don't know anything about Hashem, I don't know, and I'm just being mevatel, so there's not much to it. Similar, it says the Rambam says תכלית הידיעה שלא נדע. The תכלית, the goal of knowledge is to reach a point where you realize that you don't know. So I once heard somebody say, why should I learn so many years and finally realize I don't know? I don't start learning and I don't know now either. There's a difference in not knowing. If you don't learn, you don't know. If you learn the whole Shas, you also don't know. But it's a different not knowing. It's a not knowing after the whole Shas. And here it's not knowing without anything. Same thing sounds like here. If you have the great השגה we call it, understanding in what Hashem is, and then finally you reach a point of bitul, that's a bitul. But if you have a bitul that's just, I'm batel to Hashem, there is not much to it. True, from one angle it's true, but on the other hand, it is not so. On the other hand, the bitul, the second level is a higher level. Why? I'll explain it. If a person is mevatel himself to Hashem, let's understand, why would he do it? Where does it come from? Why would he be mevatel, put himself under the jurisdiction of Hashem, be mevatel to Hashem, מודה laHashem saying I admit to You, why would he do it? See, the other level we know why. He understood, and he knows how great Hashem is, and he comes to a realization that I have have to be mevatel myself. That makes a lot of sense. Why would a person be mevatel? Know what the answer is? For one simple reason: A Yid has a neshamah, and a neshamah is a חלק אלוקה ממעל ממש, and the neshamah is part of Hashem, and the neshamah is completely batel to Hashem, and because he has a neshamah, this brings a Yid to be batel to Hashem. And now, let's try to compare these two levels. The first level of bitul to Hashem comes as a result of the person himself. Because I'm smart, and I understand how great Hashem is, so now, as a result of my being, I reach a point of bitul. So as deep and as great that bitul is, it's still based on me, based on my being. So how batel can I be already? If it's batel means that I, self-nullification, there is still this selfishness there, because the whole bitul is based on self, because I understand and my sechel reach, tells me to reach that point, so I understand. But the other level of bitul is not based on me. It's not because I understand, I understand and I know, and therefore I reach, why is it? Because my neshama tells me. So that's a bitul that's connected direct to Hashem, not based on me. So which one is a bigger bitul? This one is a bigger bitul. This is a bitul that doesn't come as a result of me, it comes as a result of the neshama, which is part of Hashem, and that is an essential bitul that's there, that's unlimited, because the other one is limited based on how much you understand. And let's say, God forbid, this person tomorrow will start understanding differently, there goes your bitul. So it's limited to your understanding, but the bitul that you have that is not limited to your, it doesn't come because you understand, it comes as a result of your neshama. Now we see the difference between מודה אני and the other מודים. The other מודים that we learn, מודים אנחנו לך, הודו להשם, אך צדיקים יודו לשמך, which is already as we're progressing in our davening, that means, when we daven, obviously it doesn't mean we're just saying the words, it means that we're thinking about what we're saying. So already we planned, we understood, we're thinking about Hashem, and we reached the point of saying הודו להשם, we're admitting to Hashem. We reached the point of saying מודה אני, מודים אנחנו לך, I mean. But מודה אני that we say, we didn't do anything yet, we didn't think about anything yet, so it's not based on our understanding. We just wake up in the morning and say, \"מודה אני, I thank you.\" But where does that come from? Why would a Yid want to thank, not thank, admit and be mevatel himself to Hashem? That comes not based on his limitations of his understanding, but that's based on his neshama. And that's why Chassidim always said, and it's brought down in a Hayom Yom, and this is the, what they used to say: No טומאות in the world, no impurity in the world, can anriren the מודה אני fun a Yid, could affect negatively the מודה אני of a Yid. And then the expression goes further in the Hayom Yom: You could be missing this, you could be missing that, you might not be perfect, but the מודה אני of a Yid nothing could touch. What does that mean? The מודה אני of a Yid means this essential connection a Yid has to Hashem beyond any limitations that comes from the essence of his neshamah. And that's why you could be missing here, you could be missing there, you could behave not in the proper way, it doesn't affect that, because we know any behavior that we have which might not be positive affects, and I'll use the terminology of Chassidus, it affects the giluyim of the neshamah. The giluyim means the revealed parts of the neshamah, it is the expansion or the hishtalshelut, which word, I don't know what to use, hishtalshelut, the spreading out of the neshamah, not, the branches of the neshamah. The essence of the neshamah, no aveirah ever touches. We learn that in Chassidus, we learn that in Rambam, that the essence of the neshamah is always complete. And that is the Modeh Ani. The Modeh Ani refers to this essence because it's not based on any other thing, but on the essence of your neshamah. That's why we put, we say Modeh Ani before negel vasser. See, simple peshat, you know why we say it before negel vasser, like I said before, because it has no shemot, it doesn't have the name of Hashem. In truth, you know why we say it before negel vasser? Because the problem of before negel vasser is that you're tamei. Modeh Ani cannot be affected by any tumah. So whether it's after negel vasser, before negel vasser, the tumah does not affect it, so it's the same. So we say it as soon as we wake up. And this is the reason, according to Chassidus, why there is no name of Hashem. And let me explain that. Simple peshat, I said before, why doesn't Modeh Ani have the name of Hashem? Well, because we're supposed to say it before negel vasser, we can't say Hashem's name. That's one extreme of, of an explanation. Very simple. The other extreme is the opposite, because Modeh Ani is higher than the name. We find it says in the Zohar on the פסוק אנכי השם אלקיך, one of the most famous pesukim in the Torah, second to שמע ישראל השם אלקינו השם אחד. The first words of עשרת הדברות, השם said, \"אנכי השם אלקיך, I am Hashem your God.\" So it says in the Zohar that we have three titles here for Hashem: אנכי - I, Hashem using the name הוי'ה, י-ק-ו-ק, אלקיך using the name אלקים. And the Zohar explains אלקים refers to Hashem the way He is already dressed into the nature. אלקים, the name אלקים, is the gematria, has the same numerical value as the word הטבע, the nature. And actually the word אלקים means strength. He is He gives nature its its its existence. The name הוי'ה, י-ק-ו-ק, refers to Hashem the way He is beyond nature. Because the name הוי'ה is made up of three words: היה, הוה ויהיה. Past, present, the future, and they're all in one word. How could you have past, present, and future together? It's not natural, it's beyond nature. So Hashem who is beyond nature. But it's still a name of Hashem. אנכי - I, that's not a name. So the Zohar says that אנכי refers to Hashem that is beyond any name. Actually there's a Midrash that says that Moshe Rabbeinu asked השם, \"What's your name?\" So He said, \"לפי מעשי אני נקרא, I'm called by what I do. If I do make wars, I'm called צבאות, if I do chesed, I'm called קל.\" Each name is a description of something. Even שם הוי'ה, the highest name, שם הוי'ה is referred to in Shulchan Aruch and in Rambam as שם המפורש, שם המיוחד, שם העצם, all kinds of titles on the שם הוי'ה. It is still a name. And a name is a description. Even by a human being, a name describes the person, whether we know it or not. Every person's name has it, it describes what the person is. By Hashem also. But then you have the essence of Hashem that's beyond any name. And the Zohar says אנכי - I, is I דלא יתרמיז לא בשום אות ולא בשום קץ ולא בשום שם כלל. I, who cannot be described with any name, with any title. That's the essence of Hashem. A name, description already is not the essence. Description is a certain form, a form of behavior, a certain form. The essence is beyond all that, so there is no name. And that's אנכי. Actually, we do the same, when we speak to Hashem, we also use the same three names, three three descriptions. When we make a berachah we say ברוך אתה - you, השם אלקינו. So we also say, we say it back, we say to Him, we say אלקינו, but before that you say הוי'ה, and before that is אתה - you. Who's the you? You, your essence. But nevertheless right away we say אתה, הוי'ה, השם אלקינו. מודה אני, we say מודה אני לפניך. We don't mention השם, we don't say מודה אני לפני השם, I admit in front of השם. To you! Who's the you? That's the אתה, that's the essence of השם. Why? Because מודה אני expresses the essential connection that there is between the essence of a Yid with the essence of השם. And that's how we start off the day, with this עצם הנשמה as we say.

This explains an interesting thing, I don't know interesting, a strange thing. We say מודה אני as soon as we wake up. Now usually we expect, we expect that when we speak to השם, we should know what we're saying, and it should mean something to us. Before we say something, we have to think about it. We have to start thinking what it is. It says in in Shulchan Aruch that when a person wakes up, should start thinking you have to get out of bed, whom are you laying from in front in front of השם, and you have to start being misbonen and think, and then when you think about something you're able to come to an understanding in what you're saying. And that's the opposite of what you do by מודה אני. מודה אני, we're told: don't think, don't wake up and start thinking השם, He's great, He's good, He did this to me, He did that to me, oh, so finally מודה אני לפניך. It says the moment you wake up, you open your eyes, before you have a chance to think, say מודה אני. What is the meaning behind it? See, it says in you have other parts of prayer, of davenen, that Rema says that before you start davenen, a person should be misbonen, it says, based it's a Mishnah, it says אין עומדין להתפלל אלא מתוך כובד ראש, you only start davenen after you have proper feeling, and then Rema says in Shulchan Aruch you have to think about the greatness of השם and how low you are, and that's how you start davenen, that makes sense. But to start saying a prayer before you just opened your eyes, you don't know what's flying, and you say a What is the meaning behind it? Let me explain what it is, based on what I said before, but let me explain it in more detail. detail. When a person is asleep, what happens is, all his kochos, all his attributes are not functioning properly. Can't see, doesn't see, doesn't really hear, his mind is working backwards, he has dreams, funny things, things are not working. Things are different, things are weak. There's only one thing that doesn't change, and that is the fact that he is alive. The essence of his life is there. His eyes are not working properly, his hands are not working properly, nothing is working. But the fact that he's alive, the essential fact that he is alive, that is working properly. And not only that, when you're sleeping, that's when you really see that essence of life more than when you're awake. When you're awake, you forget, you don't realize the essence of life, you see the superficial, the other details. You see the seichel, you see the, the the, the smell, the hearing, the, hearing, all you see. When you look at a person sleeping, you don't, you see he's alive! The essence of life is expressed more in a time when you're sleeping. And the same is in רוחניות. When a person is asleep, his רוחניותדיקע attributes of his understanding of השם and his feeling to השם, his love and fear and understanding, all that is not working. But one thing is there: the essence of the Yid, the essence of the Yidishe life. When the Yid is asleep, whether he's smart or stupid, or whether he's great or not, דאס איז א איד. When you're awake, the Yiddish, the fact that you're a Yid, is, so to speak, blocked out by the fact that this person has all kinds of other things that he does. But when those don't work, then this is seen more. The expression in Chassidus is that giluyim cover up on etzem. Giluyim are the revealed parts cover up on the essence. When you have too many details, the essence is hidden. I always use this as an, as an example, even though it doesn't really fit, but just to get a little understanding. If you'll ask somebody about a certain person, you don't know about him, you don't know, a Yid, you don't know his, let's, give an example, you don't know if he's a frumer Yid or not. And you'll ask somebody about him, \"Is he frum?\" and they'll answer you, \"He's sure frum!\" It's one person. Then, on another person you'll ask, \"Is this person frum?\" They'll answer you, \"Well, yeah, he keeps Shabbos, he eats kasher, he puts on tefillin.\" Which of the two do you think is frumer, is more frum? Well, the second guy, you heard so many details, that he keeps kasher and he, but the fact that they had to mention all these details and mention shows that there's, if the answer is he's frum, he's frum, that's, it's an essential point, you know he's frum. So I know he's a פרומער, ער איז פארטיק, there's nothing to talk about. This guy, I know there is, nah, he just became, he's becoming, he's this, because you mentioned it. I also say this, that when people would write to the Rebbe, what's the title you would use to the Rebbe? כבוד קדושת אדמו״ר שליט״א, that's what you would write. Or now on the Ohel you write כבוד קדושת אדמו״ר, Your Holiness, Rebbe. If you see a person that would write to the Rebbe four lines, titles of four lines, the great tzadik, and the great gaon, and the great chasid, and there's four lines, and you'd look at the two letters, what would you say? I would say, this one is probably not a chasid of the Rebbe, this one is. What do you mean? This guy wrote a letter with four lines of titles! He must be a bigger chasid than the other one! Giluyim, and all these side things cover up on the essential point. This just reminds me of a story, it has nothing to do with the idea, but just a point, that when the Frierdiker, when time of the previous Rebbe was in Russia and he ran the underground schools and mikvaot and all the different things, they once arrested one of the teachers of one of the underground chedarim, and they pressured him that he should write a letter to the Rebbe, asking him for support, because they knew, they had the spies and the KGB or that time it was the NKVD, the GPU actually, GPU, knew that the Frierdiker Rebbe supports all these underground yeshivot, but they didn't have the hard evidence. So here they caught this, they arrested him, and they forced him to write a letter to the Rebbe, not saying obviously that he's in jail or in any problems, and asking him for money, expecting to get an answer with some money, and then they would have caught, catch him red-handed. But he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't write any, these people knew Yiddish, he couldn't write anything that would hint that he's in trouble. So you know what he did? He wrote to the Rebbe a title of four lines! אל כבוד קדושת הצדיק הקדוש הטהור, a whole line, \"Please, Rebbe, send me money for my cheder.\" The Rebbe got the letter, and he says, \"Something's fishy here. This chassid should write me four lines titles? Something is fishy.\" So he answered him, \"What? Are you asking me for money? It's about time you knew that rabbis take money, don't give money.\" That's what he answered. answered. Yeah, and they had no evidence. But what I'm trying to bring out is this point, that giluyim cover up on the etzem. So when a person is awake, and a person has all the different understanding and things that he understands in Hashem, and then he comes to the decision of מודה אני לפניך, I admit to you, I give myself over, because there is so many other things involved, the essential connection that we're supposed we're talking about here, gets lost. And that's why Modeh Ani is said as soon as you wake up. You don't know anything yet, everything it's from your sleep, when all you see here is the etzem. This was a Yid that's sleeping, and the fact that he's a Yid, when he sleeps, you don't see that he's a gaon. When he talks, you see he's a gaon, he's smart. When he does mitzvot, you see he's a בעל חסד, he does מעשים טובים, he does good deeds. When he's sleeping, you don't see all that. So what do you see? Yid, the essence of a Yid. And that's when you say the Modeh Ani, because the Modeh Ani, this is the essence of a Yid. And this is the difference between Modeh Ani and the other prayers of מודה in davenen. The other ones, including אלקי נשמה. אלקי נשמה, which, as we said before, is similar to Modeh Ani, but that's already a little bit later. So we already had time to think, and already has time when we elaborate on different details, and there are so many details that we talk about here. Then the essence of the Modeh Ani is lost. The essence of the neshamah of a Yid is not felt. The same thing with הודו להשם, מודים אנחנו לך, and all the other things we say in prayer. That all comes after there's a seder, there's an order of things, and we daven, and we think, and we come to an understanding of Hashem, and all the different things we have to do. That's not the the essential connection. The essential connection comes from at the point where we say Modeh Ani. And this is the reason why Modeh Ani was not said in the time of the Gemara. Modeh Ani was established, like I said, 500, 6, I don't know how many, but in in middle of this זמן, a time of galut, when things are not that great spiritually. You know why? Because it says like this. It says in Chassidus, it says in Kabbalah, that

the difference between the generations of the last years of galut compared to the earlier generations, that the earlier generations, the people were much smarter. They had a much greater understanding in Hashem. And therefore, the כח המסירת נפש, that power that a Yid has to give his life up for Hashem, was not so strong. Because the כח המסירת נפש comes from the essence of your neshamah. That means because if you start thinking with seichel, it wouldn't bring you to mesiras nefesh, because no seichel tells a person, no logic tells a person, give up your life. Because logically, everything and everybody wants its own existence. So you want more, you want But to give yourself up, that comes from the essence of a yid's neshamah. See, not to confuse with there are so many people that give up their lives, they commit suicide, or these meshugaim that we have that go, rachmana litzlan, yimach shmam vezichram on the suicide missions, they don't do because they're giving themselves up for anything. They tell them that you'll gain more! Shtusim, meshugatan, but they tell them that you'll get more. A yid doesn't do that. A yid goes on mesiras nefesh not because he feels, \"Oh, I'll go on mesiras nefesh, I'll give up my life, so I'll get more.\" He gives up his life because for Hashem you give up your life. For not to worship idols, not to convert, you give up your life. But when was the koach of mesiras nefesh stronger? In the time of galut. The tzaros that yidden had throughout the last thousand years was much worse than they had before. And as it gets close to Mashiach, the last 50 years, rachmana litzlan, the mesiras nefesh is even stronger. Because this koach of mesiras nefesh is now strong. Why? Because those years when they had the higher kochot, when they had the understanding, then the essence gets lost. You don't have really feel that essence. But when you don't have that, then the essence comes out. And that's why the koach of mesiras nefesh is now. The same is with Modeh Ani. Those years, this concept of Modeh Ani was not that strong. The Modeh Ani, which means the essence of the neshamah, the Modeh Ani, the pintele yid, as we call it in Yiddish, the the yid that's within every single yid, that point of yid, that wasn't as strong then as now. That's why it says, when it says in פסוק, משה רבינו, והאיש משה ענו מאד, משה was a ענו, he was most humble, מכל אדם אשר על פני האדמה, he was humble for any human being in the world. So the Midrash says that, you know for who he was more humble than anybody else? Moshe saw with his ruach hakodesh the future, and he saw the generation that's going to be right before Mashiach. And he said, \"For them I am humble. Because they have this mesiras nefesh which I don't.\" So it is the last generations when we have this koach of mesiras nefesh, that's when the Modeh Ani was established, because that's when the Modeh Ani is strong.

You have to remember that this Modeh Ani is just the beginning of the day. I started off by saying that Modeh Ani is the gate to all the tefillot. Because even though only Modeh Ani has this idea of the pure, clear essence of the Yid's connection to Hashem beyond טעם ודעת and understanding, but the idea is that this should be the foundation for the tefillot throughout the whole day. That even later, when we do have all the understanding and things, the foundation should always remain the Modeh Ani. That the whole day, any tefillah that we daven, and when we have the other מודים, מודים אנחנו לך, which already has the understanding, where you might lose that essential connection, that essential admitting to Hashem, but if you start off with Modeh Ani, that stays with the person throughout the whole davenen. And this is the pshat in the story that when the Rabbi Rashab was very, very small, a little kid, had an older brother, his name was Rav Zalman Aharon, he's known as the Raza. They were once playing, and children of the Rabbi, their father was the Rabbi Maharash, and their grandfather the Tzemach Tzedek, so these children as as as little children, they were great. So they were playing and they were talking, so the Raza asked the Rabbi Rashab, \"How come by Modeh Ani there is a dot after בחמלה?\" Kids! See, in Modeh Ani, it says, \"מודה אני לפניך מלך חי וקים שהחזרת בי נשמתי בחמלה, רבה אמונתך.\" See, people shouldn't, some people say, \"בחמלה רבה.\" It's not בחמלה, it's \"בחמלה, רבה אמונתך.\" That means, \"Thank you, or I admit to you, Hashem, all this, forever, that you returned my neshamah with pity, בחמלה,\" and then there's a dot, stop, then we say, \"רבה אמונתך, your emunah, the trust is great, the emunah is great.\" But the kids, the little kids, the Raza asked his younger brother, \"Why is there a פינטעלע here? Why is there a dot here?\" So he says to him, \"See, that's the whole idea of of Modeh Ani, that we start off with a dot, and that dot דארף מען פארשפרייטן throughout the whole day. That it starts off with a little dot, and we have to spread out that dot throughout all the davenens.\" Later on, a few weeks later, someone overheard them talking, and again the Raza asks the Rabbi Rashab, he says to him, \"You see, later on in davenen, we again have a בחמלה, but there there is no dot. In In אהבת עולם, אהבת עולם אהבתנו ה' אלקינו, חמלה גדולה, but there is no dot there.\" He said, \"How come?\" He says, \"It's exactly what I told you. You start off in the morning with the dot. By the time you come to חמלה, there's no more dot. It spread out already throughout your whole being. It spread out through all the tefilot.\" The Rabbi Maharash, his father, heard this, so when he grew up, when the Rabbi Rashab grew up, he told him a maamar to explain what he said, that here you have a dot, and here the dot is not there because it's spread out already, there's no more dot. But the idea here is that the whole thing of מודה אני is that dot that we have. The dot in Yiddish, as I said before, we call that the pintele yid. The pintele, the dot, the nekudah, a nekudah is essence. The essential Yiddishkeit that's there in a Yid, and that essence is connected to the essence of Hashem. The If you don't, if you have all the other, you know, great things, it covers up. The Baal Shem Tov said, \"די פשיטות פון א איש פשוט דערלאנגט אין פשיטות העצמות.\" The simplicity of a simple Jew reaches all the way to the simplicity of Hashem. So it's this simplicity. When you start with chochmah, with understanding, which is very great, you lose that essence, that simplicity. So we have when we wake up in the morning and we don't know what we're doing yet, and we wake up, our neshamah screams out right away, \"מודה אני לפניך, I admit to you, Hashem,\" as the Rabbi Rashab says, \"I give myself over to you completely, my whole עצם, with everything beyond my שכל.\" And we start off that day, then later on throughout the day when we daven, this has to be felt throughout davenen. Even later on when we do reach certain levels, supposed to, at least, we still have this dot. And then this stays with us till the night when we go to sleep. When we go to sleep and we say, \"בידך אפקיד רוחי,\" we tell Hashem, \"We're giving my neshamah back to you,\" and it goes back in a way that it has the מודה אני in it, so then when you wake up in the morning, you wake up again with מודה אני. Because if it stays with you all day, that's how you wake because it depends your waking up depends how you go to sleep. They say once somebody asked one of the great Poylishe rebbes, a guy's coming complained, he said, it says in Shulchan Aruch you should wake up like a lion. So he says, I don't know, I can't do it, how come I can't wake up like a lion? So he says, because you go to sleep like a horse, how do you expect to wake up like a lion? It depends how you go to sleep. If you go to sleep like a lion, you wake up like a lion. If you go to sleep because the מודה אני is there all day, you'll wake up with a מודה אני, and that's how it goes. If, chas veshalom, we miss it out, then we're missing. But hopefully we all have the מודה אני, and we have this עצם, we all have, and we express it, and when we all express it properly, then Mashiach will come and this will be revealed a hundred percent. Amen. Go ahead. Yes. What happens when we take a nap, and what happens when we stay up all night? What was the question? What happens when we take a nap during the day and when we stay up all night? Taking a nap during the day is only like, it's not a real real going to sleep in an, in an אופן קבוע, in an established way, and mimela, even though your neshamah goes away, but it's all part of your daily life. And if you stay up all night, we still, some, the truth is, the, according to halachah, according, we don't have to say מודה אני, but there are some people who say מודה אני anyway. For what reason? Because we want to keep this מודה אני that we had. But physically we do not, we're not at the point where we express what מודה אני is supposed to express. But we could, doesn't mean that your neshamah can't express its etzem if you want to express it without anything else, but the real Modeh Ani is when you sleep. If you don't lie down and dream? No. Because it's still a hemshech to the whole day before. Like in the middle of the day, you still have the, you didn't go to sleep, the Modeh Ani from yesterday is still working. Yes. Do you know who the composer is of that Modeh Ani? I don't know if it's known or not. I don't know. If it's known who the composer is, I don't know. I'm sure they're, I don't know. Okay. Please everybody enjoy the