Again on the ט\"ז עמוד ב' towards the bottom, last second to last line on the page, ט\"ז עמוד ב', תנו רבנן: כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה? How do we dance? Merakdin literally means to dance, how do we dance לפני הכלה? So we mentioned last week that although the lashon of the beraita is merakdin, which means dance, but what the beraita really here is referring to is the the shevach, as Rashi says: מה אומרים לפניה, what do we say before her, and as we also explained last week that what we say before her, what we're praising her is all in order to make the husband feel good about his recent his recent acquisition, his new wife, and that he should be משמח בשלו, be happy because of what he has. Now, there's an interesting diyuk here that the Pischei Teshuvah brings down in the name of the Torat Chaim, the lashon of the beraita. The lashon of the beraita was: כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה? How does one dance, how do we dance לפני הכלה, before? In front of, oh yeah, in front of, thank you. Now, the Torat Chaim brings down first lehalacha, that נראה that asur, I'm going to quote you his lashon here, it's asur to go, he says ללכת במחול. מחול, we checked up in the dictionary, means to dance. עם הכלה, with the bride, בז' ימי המשתה, during the seven days of festivities. Now, says the Torat Chaim: אפילו אינו אוחז בידה ממש, even if you're not holding on to her hand, you're not allowed, meaning another person other than maybe her husband, another person, she's now an אשת איש, is not allowed to dance with her even if it's with הפסק מטפחת, with a handkerchief or something along those lines. I should. So I don't really know what the other side of the story is, but I'm just going to tell you the Pischei Teshuvah בשם Hatorat Chaim, and he says: כדרך שנוהגין מקצת תלמידי חכמים שבדור הזה, as some תלמידי חכמים, some learned people are noheg in this generation to dance with the kallah, and he says: afilu hachi, zogt the Torat Chaim, לאו שפיר עבדי. What they're doing is incorrect. And this is what he comes from the lashon of our beraita: כדמשמע הכא, as it is implied from our ברייתא, דשום קריבה אסור, sorry, he's going to get to our beraita in a moment, and he says: ואין לחלק בין כלה לאחרת, meaning you can't just differentiate between a kallah and some other אשת איש. And he says, reason being, and then he'll get to our beraita, reason being דליכא אינש מאן דמצי למימר דדמיא ליה ככשורה. He says there's nobody in our generation that would be able to say about themselves that a woman would be considered to him like a כשורה, כשורה is like a beam of wood, which is a Gemara later which we'll see later in דף י\"ז עמוד א'. One of the amoraim, I think it was, maybe a tanna, or one of the amoraim I think it was, used to take the kallah, put her on his shoulders. And he said that the reason why he was able to do it is because he was on such a madreigah and he recognized his madreigah that by him she was like a piece of wood. There were no feelings of kiruv that he had towards her. And with that, the Pischei Teshuvah says, is there anybody in our generation that could say that about themselves? And with that he concludes from our beraita: the beraita says: כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה?, how do you dance before the כלה, ולא עם הכלה, and not with the kallah. And so that's the diyuk that the Torat Chaim wants to make from our beraita here.

Good? Good. How do I understand what? How do you dance in front of the kallah? Are you saying you're not allowed to dance in front of the kallah? No, he's saying you're not allowed to dance with the kallah. You're allowed to dance in front of her, but not עם הכלה, not with the kallah. עם with an ע'. Dance in front of the kallah, but don't dance... If you're holding her hand or even if you're holding her through a kerchief or maybe a gartel, that's dancing with the kallah. Dancing with the kallah, says the Torat Chaim, would be forbidden. Because that is a form of kiruv, and that what the beraita here says, how do you dance לפני הכלה, means literally in front of, but without including her in the dance. No diyuk on how far לפני is? ד' אמות or outside? Yeah, so I'm sure the chassidim have some way of explaining their position, and I did not really find a satisfactory way of explaining it. I flipped through a little bit to try to find what they rely on, and I do not know. Maybe like you're saying, that they Sure not ד' אמות. that if it's very far away, that's I don't know, maybe the kallah doesn't dance, she stands in one spot and he dances, so that's not considered dancing with the kallah. I'm not What's that? Rebbes are in a higher מדרגה in respect of women. Listen, if they can say that about themselves, I don't know. They had their own time also, Chabad. Aha, so they already left the times of the Shulchan Aruch. They daven, you know, four תפילה שלא בזמנה. They still do. Some, some of them do. Some of some of those rebbes still do. They דאווען שחרית at night. We follow the Shulchan Aruch. We try to follow the Shulchan Aruch, that's who we follow. תפילה בזמנה. Yeah. Hey Bernard! The Shulchan Aruch, who is that? We try, we try to follow the Shulchan Aruch. Aaron, how are you? Hi, how are you? It's good you missed this part. We're talking about the mitzvah tantz. I don't know what your position is on it. Maybe you could help defend those that that go for it. Go for it? They go for the mitzvah tantz. It was just mentioned here diuk Yeah, I ain't having no mitzvah tantz. You ain't having no mitzvah tantz, okay, so then you don't have to defend it. Okay, so now

we're going to pick up with the actual לשונות here that Beis Shammai and Beis Hillel argue about as what we say לפני הכלה. So, the beraisa continues, בית שמאי אומרים, the bottom line here, Beis Shammai says, כלה כמות שהיא. Which we'll translate that as meaning to say, what we're talking about the praise of a kallah, a כלה כמות שהיא, as she is. Tell it like it is. Say it as it is. Exactly. Say it as it is. Now, what does that mean to say it as it is? What does that mean to say it as it is? Say it, say what as is? I mean look at Rashi. Rashi says, לפי יפיה וחשיבותה מקלסין אותה. Which means that based on her actual יופי, her actual beauty, וחשיבותה, and her stature, מקלסין אותה, we praise her. All right, well that means that you keep quiet if she doesn't have anything good. Oh, very good. So what does that mean? What if she doesn't have anything to praise her about? Impossible. She's ugly! Let's just say she's simply she's simply ugly. Impossible. So zugt תוספות, zugt תוספות, we started this last week and we'll go through this again, that Tosafos says that according to Beis Shammai, top תוספות, ואם יש בה מום, she has a, we'll call it a imperfection, a מום, so Tosafos says, ישתקו, so be quiet! There's nothing to praise her about as far as her beauty is concerned, at least. So don't say anything, ולא ישבחוה, and do not praise her. So we explained last week and I'll go over this again quickly because I think it's important to understand, that that Tosafos seemed to imply, like you said, David, that that simply you're quiet. כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה, you dance, but you don't say anything. So the the the the Rif in Ein Yaakov is is bothered, but but l'maaseh the lashon of the braisa was כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה, בית שמאי אומרים כלה כמות שהיא. It seems like there is something, you have to say something. So you're just going to not say anything? The braisa implies that regardless of of her stature or her beauty, you should say something about her. So the Rif, the Ein Yaakov explains that we really could break up the shevach into three categories. There's a category of her yofi, and then her mamon, and mishpacha. You want ArtScroll? Yeah, either one. Either one, okay. If she has money. If she has money. So he says like this, כלה, בית שמאי אומרים כלה כמות שהיא. Meaning, if she does not have anything to praise her about as far as her yofi, so כמות שהיא, what she does have, some, they're going to have something going for her, whether it's family, chashivus, or mamon, or beauty. Find something that she has that you could praise her about, and that will fulfill the idea of כיצד מרקדין לפני הכלה, כמות שהיא, literally the way she is, what she has going for her, that is what we will praise her about. Okay, we're right over there. Okay, so that is the way we explained the first mahalach in Tosafos. Tosafos suggests an alternative peshat, אי נמי. He says within yofi itself, within beauty itself, that also you could break that apart, and if she maybe is ugly because her nose is crooked, so you could talk about how pretty her eyes are, or her hands, and you could make the chasan, make the groom feel good and proud about his wife who has these beautiful eyes or hands, as Tosafos says here in the אי נמי, top line of תוספות, אי נמי, ישבחוה בדבר נאה שיש בה, you could find something beautiful about her, כגון בעיניה, her eyes, או בידיה, or her hands, אם הם יפות, if they are beautiful. Now, before we see the rest of the braisa, as we're going to see in a moment, Beis Hillel will argue, and Tosafos goes on to explain what Beis Hillel's issue with that will be. And firstly, what we're going to see as well is that Beis Shammai is coming with a principle that we're going to learn about a little bit more later, which we know is, the Torah tells us מדבר שקר תרחק, that we're supposed to distance ourselves from a lie, which is why he says that you should when you talk about the praise of a kallah, so you say it as it is, and don't lie. Stay away from a lie. Now, it seems like they all agree that it's important to make the chasan feel good about his kallah. And that Beis Hillel says if you're withholding praise, then it's obvious, מכלל from from from only focusing on specific details about her beauty, for example. Oh, this kallah of yours is beautiful! Her eyes are beautiful. But her chin is like, you know, or her ears are So, then that that will be a גנאי, מכלל דשאר לגנאי, that implies that everything else is a גנאי, meaning is What's a גנאי? What's a good word for גנאי? A derogatory, uncomplimentary Usually it means degrading, but here it's it's a It's used a little differently. It's a A good example is defect. Defect. Oh, okay. Defective. Whenever you hear, \"Oh, you know she has a beautiful elbow. Like I've never seen such a beautiful elbow.\" Right. That would be like, hit her, you know? Yeah, so exactly. That's That's exactly the idea that Beis Hillel says. It's very nice, you want to be careful not to lie, but on the other hand, here she might be She might be losing out on being מקלס. Like you said, if you're going to focus on her elbow, that means something else is wrong. Now, that is the way Tosafot really lines up the argument here. But I

want to go through another mahalach that I saw from the Maharsha, and similarly, the Taz, which is one of the commentaries on the Shulchan Aruch. And as we go through their mahalach, we'll work it into the steps of the Gemara and the shakla vetarya, the back and forth between Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel. And the way the Maharsha begins is that he is מקדים, he prefaces the explanation to this Gemara on a principle we find in Masechet Kiddushin. The Gemara Masechet Kiddushin, the second פרק of Kiddushin tells us that it is אסור, אסור לאדם, forbidden for a person לקדש את האשה, to marry a woman, עד שיראנה, until he sees her. Why can't he marry her without first seeing her? That Mishnah is talking about sending a shaliach, sending a representative to do the Kiddushin for you, and the Gemara there is telling us it's important that you have to first see the woman that you marry. Because the Torah says ואהבת לרעך כמוך, and what we're afraid of of is if he gets into the marriage before ever meeting her or seeing her, maybe he'll find out that he's not happy with what she looks like, and the Torah says ואהבת לרעך כמוך, and he's not going to love her. Therefore, the Gemara tells us it's אסור לאדם to marry a woman עד שיראנה. And, by the way, when I was taking an interview for Yeshiva high school, so the the Rosh Yeshiva told me that piece of Gemara, and he asked from recent פרשה about Avraham Avinu. It could be it's a famous kushya. We find that Avraham Avinu when he was going to Mitzrayim, so he was concerned that they're going to see his wife Sarah, and the the way Rashi explains is that it occurred to him now, only now, that she's pretty, which implied that he never knew that she was pretty until then. And only now that he's going to Mitzrayim, he realized that he has to be careful, but until then he never knew that she was pretty. So that seems to contradict this idea. How how did Avraham Avinu marry her without seeing her? Doesn't mean he didn't see her. That's what you're going to tell us. Yeah, so so so there so there are a few peshatim in Rashi, but the peshat is that it doesn't mean he didn't see her, he just didn't didn't realize Didn't focus on it or didn't realize it was important. Another answer I think they say is that if he's never going to look at her anyways, so so then then then it's okay because the whole idea was that you should see her before you marry her because then you're going to see her when you marry her and then you're not going to like her. But if you're so kadosh that you're never going to see her anyway, so then he didn't have to. Okay, but anyway. I I didn't quite catch that. He didn't see her at the base of his physicality. Right, well Well, that was the one answer. No, that no, the other answer is that the idea was, what does it mean he didn't see, meaning even if you want to take it literally, he didn't really he mamash never saw his wife. He always was like in a holy level, and and even whatever he had to do he had to do, but he didn't really see his wife. And only now somehow before he was going to Mitzrayim, now he saw her and realized, oh, we got a problem. The question is, how did he allow himself to get into this marriage if the halacha is you have to see your wife before you marry her? So now we're saying that that's for normal people, because normal people, if they marry her, they're going to end up interacting with her in a way that they will see her. But Avraham Avinu, being that he was such a high level, even according to that interpretation meant he literally didn't see her, so, yeah, he never really saw her until this moment where he was going to go down to Mitzrayim. But al kol panim, the pshat once again is that he obviously saw her, but just her her physical beauty didn't really make much of a difference, and only now that he's going to Mitzrayim, he realized he may have a challenge when he gets down there. You know, imagine going to Ethiopia and everybody says like bring in my white wife. Yeah, well, that's what Mitzrayim, Mitzrayim was So I was going to ask, why did he why would he have to look then? Because he had to think about how everybody else is going to be looking at her. So he had to take a closer look at himself and see maybe there's a risky business. So he put her in a box. Yes, he put her in a box and then and then the story, we know the rest of the story, right? Okay, so the point is like this, says the Maharsha, so now we know that the halacha is that if a person marries a woman under under normal circumstances, he first saw her, he has to have seen her before he married her. So if that is so, What was your answer to the Rosh Yeshiva? How did I answer him? I told him I think that other pshat in Rashi. I think there were a couple of pshatim in Rashi. Pshat in Rashi was not that he never saw her, he did see her, but he didn't didn't realize that that it made a difference. So that got you in? I don't know if that got me in, but I did get in, but that was different it's a different story. I thought you were going to tell that you had to come to see the yeshiva, also. Not that he was interview, you also had to come to see do you want to Oh, I mean I shouldn't throw in the yeshiva. You have to check out the yeshiva before Yeah, he did accept me, there was a little bit of back and forth, but that's not for the recording, so we'll talk about that after. I can edit it. Nobody gets to see it. Okay, anyway, al kol panim. Anyway, so, back to Maharsha, being that the halacha is you have to first see your wife before you marry her, so now we're talking about, we're at the chuppah here. At the time of the marriage, so says Beis Shammai that there's going to be a standardized phrase that we say. And that is

exactly the words of the Gemara. We take very literal, בית שמאי אומרים, בית שמאי says that the words that we say as a as a שבח, as a praise for her, are כלה כמות שהיא, quote unquote, כלה the way she is. Meaning to say, what does he mean by that? Meaning to say, the way she is, she is נושאת חן בעיניו, meaning she finds grace in his eyes. This כלה the way she is, she finds grace and favor in the eyes of her husband. And this way, if she is beautiful, so she's beautiful, she finds favor in his eyes, grace in his eyes. If she's not so beautiful to us, but she was obviously beautiful enough to him because we know that he saw her before he married her and he chose to marry her. Are we talking about only the the physical aspects of Right now we're we're talking about, well, yeah, right now we're assuming that we're talking about the physical aspect, which which Beis Shammai is saying according to the Maharsha that we're giving a standardized text. So that's what you say, you say You take The כלה the way she is is נושאת חן בעיניו. That's actually what you say. Take a look if you want. You don't believe me? I believe you. I'll read you the words. Just clarifying it, that's fine. I'll read you the words. Doesn't matter. Saying it doesn't matter. Very nearly. Listen to this: בין יש בה מום, whether she has an imperfection, whether she's ugly let's just say, ובין אין בה מום, אין משבחין בה, we do not mention any שבח, לא שבח ולא גנות. We're not we're not we're not focusing on any specific praise or any specific גנות. אלא שאומרים לבית שמאי, according to בית שמאי, לישנא גופיה, this very לשון of the גמרא, דקאמר כלה כמות שהיא, כלה the way she is. Meaning, says the Maharsha, what does that mean? Meaning, דהיינו כמות שהיא, the way she is, נושאת חן בעיניו. She finds grace in his eyes. And that's because, like we just said a moment ago, that he knew that he was marrying her, he saw her, and ודאי גם אם יש בה מום, he נושאת חן בעיניו, even if she is maybe to what would be ugly for us or some kind of imperfection that may not be so attractive, but for him, she's attractive. And that's what we say. We're not talking about her elbow, her nose, not be quiet, being what we say is כלה כמות שהיא, the כלה the way she is, she was נושאת חן בעיניו. It seems important that this is said in front of the groom, not so much that it has to be in front of the bride. She can hear it too, but it's more for him than for her. Doesn't it? It's more for him than for her, yes. So, but here we're just learning לפני כלה, which it seems He's right there, also. It's a mechitzah. So with that, the Maharsha continues to work with work this into the Gemara. So I want to I want to take this over here line by line. So the Gemara continues, ובית הלל אומרים, so בית הלל counters, כלה נאה וחסודה. No, we do actually mention what the praise is. We say כלה נאה, which we'll explain right now literally means she's beautiful, וחסודה and she is charming. Right? That's how they translate it there, right? Yeah. So בית הלל says that this is what we say, and according to the Maharsha's explanation, we say it as a matter of fact. This is what she is, she is beautiful and charming. We're saying that, once again, factual. That's what she is, she's beautiful and charming. So בית שמאי has an issue with that. What's בית שמאי's problem with that? We're going to continue in the Gemara. אמרו להם בית שמאי לבית הלל, בית שמאי says to בית הלל, one second. You can't say that as a matter of fact, that she's beautiful and charming. What if she is a

חיגרת? הרי שהיתה חיגרת, imagine if she is a חיגרת. A חיגרת is like an invalid, I think. She has she has she doesn't even walk straight. Lame. She's lame. או סומא, or she's blind. אומרים לה כלה נאה וחסודה? You're going to tell me that she's charming and beautiful? How are you going to say that? והתורה אמרה, the Torah tells us, מדבר שקר תרחק. We have to distance ourselves from שקר, from a lie. So בית שמאי's argument here, explains the Maharsha, that you can't just say it as a matter of fact that she's beautiful and charming. Only the way the way בית שמאי says is you could just say it as a general כלה כמות שהיא, the way she is, she finds favor in her husband's eyes. That you could say, but to just say she's beautiful and charming, that that may not be true. So what does בית הלל answer back? So says the גמרא, בית הלל אמרו להם בית הלל לבית שמאי, בית הלל says back to בית שמאי, לדבריכם, according to your reasoning,

what about מי שלקח מקח רע מן השוק? One purchases an item from the market and in your eyes it's a מקח רע, it's a bad idea to buy this. ישבחנו defective merchandise, okay. ישבחנו בעיניו, should you praise it in his eyes? And we're going to assume that it's not not refundable. או יגננו בעיניו, or should you be מגנה it, say, oh, you bought this terrible defective product, why did you waste your money, or do you say, oh, what a nice new watch you got, or a car, whatever it may be. הוי אומר, so בית הלל continues, what you're supposed to reply is ישבחנו בעיניו. You should be משבח the item in his eyes. He just made a new purchase, make him feel good about it. מכאן אמרו, and from here they say, מכאן אמרו חכמים, here the sages teach us, לעולם תהא דעתו של אדם מעורבת עם הבריות. The daas of a person should be me'urav. How do they translate me'urav? Mingled, compatible. Compatible with the beriyot, with other people, yeah. So, it's sort of objective but not subjective. You're not looking at it from your point of view, but you're thinking about how the other person, right? Obviously if he's marrying her, he's Right, so that's exactly what the Maharsha says. Says the Maharsha that Beit Hillel is arguing back with Beit Shammai that just as one who buys a defective product, it's non-refundable, but he's proud of what he bought, you should be meshabeach it in his eyes. He says hu hadin, similarly, one who so to speak buys a woman, he mekadesh an isha and he marries a woman, so, so also he should be meshabeach her because his real kavana, his real intention is to be meshabeach her in his eyes. That's how the Maharsha leaves it, but I think it needs a little more explanation which I would like to add from the Taz, working along the same lines here. That is that as we

said Beit Shammai is the one who seems more sensitive about lying. מדבר שקר תרחק. We have to be careful, we have to say things the way they are and we can't lie. And therefore the Taz explains that Beit Shammai initially said, you have to just give a general standardized statement about her that she is the way she is and that is how she finds favor in her husband's eyes. And there can be there is no misunderstanding about that. That is clear, the way she is, she finds favor in her husband's eyes. When Beit Hillel said back to Beit Shammai that you actually could say a real shevach, say that she's beautiful, you could say that she's she's נושאת חן, so, Beit Hillel is saying that that's not a sheker. Yet, the Torah tells us, מדבר שקר תרחק, you have to distance yourself from a lie. So, Beit Hillel wants to say that we are like מתרץ דיבוריה, which means that we interpret his kavana, we interpret the intent of the one who's singing her praise, as if to not say a blanket statement that she's beautiful in everyone's eyes because maybe that's not true. She might not be, she might be חיגרת, she might be an invalid, or blind, or whatever it may be. But even though we're saying it as a statement that she is beautiful, says says Beit Hillel, what that means is, she's beautiful in her husband's eyes. That's the kavana, that's the intention. So, it's not really a lie, because we're able to understand what he really means. And with that explains the Taz that Beit Shammai's argument back is that yeah, the Torah says, מדבר שקר תרחק. It doesn't just say don't say a lie, it says you have to distance from a lie. And therefore, even if we could explain what you really meant and it's not a lie, but if it's understood by people to be a blanket statement that she's beautiful and that's what people understand it to mean, then it's נראה לשקר בעיני הבריות. It appears to people as a sheker. So, even though you may be saying a true statement, because you know what you really mean, but if it's understood by other people to mean something else, to mean that she's actually beautiful when she really is not, so, that will be violating, according to Beit Shammai, מדבר שקר תרחק. So, with which the counter argument of Beit Hillel back to Beit Shammai is that And this is where he says, that's only if Meaning, I agree to you Beit Shammai if that's the way everyone will understand it. If everyone will understand it as a fact that she's beautiful and that I'm lying, then you're right. You have a good point even though you can explain I really mean the truth is that's in the eyes of the husband. But says Beit Hillel, but everybody knows what I really mean, just like we understand when someone purchases this defective product, he says that's something which we all know like Beit Hillel says מכאן חכמים אמרו that if someone buys something, so you should be meshabeach it in his eyes in order that he shouldn't be mitzta'er. He just laid out money for this product and this is something which we all understand. He made a purchase, make him feel good about it. It's not refundable, so let him be happy. He just got a new car or a new bike or whatever it may be. So, Beit Hillel says, why don't we say the same thing with the the אשה? He also just was mekadesh this אשה, he married this woman. So, the whole olam, everyone understands that when he sings her praise in front of her husband's eyes, he's not just saying it as a fact that she's a כלה נאה וחסודה, even though he's saying she's beautiful and and charming, what he really means, and everyone understands this to mean, that she's charming in the eyes of her husband. And that's how the Taz explains the machloket. It's a tough situation, sorry, because, you know, just cuz Beit Hillel saying, \"Everybody understands,\" not everybody might understand. So, therefore, it's a difficult situation, because somebody might not see it the same way and hear the guy say something objectively to appease, and so it's a fine Yeah, so like Yeah, it's a fine line. What it seems to come there come down to is if is if this is something which is understood by everyone. Now,

my question is this: How do you determine what is a lie or not a lie for something that is subjective? In other words, if we were to say if I were to tell you that in Parashat Bereishit it starts, you know, something completely different than, you know, the Hebrew what it actually says, we can all say that's a lie, because here's the here's the Chumash, we can open it up, we can see what it all says, and there's there's no there's no subjectivity. Black and white. Right. But this is something that is very such a subjective So, how do we determine that it if it is a lie or not a lie to begin with? So, I would think that we go we go after common common understanding, what most people would consider her to be. It's like here you can follow the rov, which would be being like Beit Shammai says, and this doesn't seem to be an argument, if she's a חיגרת, how do they translate, lame? Lame, yeah. So, yeah, there might be this guy who's going to who's going to find that will like her and thinks she's beautiful. But for most people, this is not their idea of beautiful. But just So even if even though maybe he finds her beautiful, I'm sure there are many others who would find her beautiful, too. And, therefore, does it become at at at what point, you know, I mean is it a lie or is it not, you know? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So, if if it's if it's grey area, meaning if it's not clear, then then I then I would think that it will will not will not be considered a lie. But but here where where Beit Shammai's argument is that there are times that it's pretty clear that that you can't really consider her to be beautiful. And still, nonetheless, the beraita is telling us that you say, \"כלה נאה וחסודה,\" she's beautiful and charming. Anybody looks at her, you could At least most normal people that look at her will say, \"No.\" What is that Gemara that says all Jewish women are beautiful? It's a Gemara. You'll have to find it. Beautiful midot maybe. That's what I... I think it's Ta'anit. I think it's the same perek. Okay. Well, we're going to see. There might be other translations of beautiful, we'll get to that. But that's that's the that's the way that Maharsha in conjunction with the Taz lays out the machloket. Now, just to

share some other thoughts here on this lema'aseh, halachit speaking, it's brought down in the Shulchan Aruch that it's a מצוה לשמח חתן וכלה, it's a mitzvah to be mesameach, to make happy, the chatan and כלה, ולרקד לפניהם, dance before them, ולומר, to say, שהיא נאה וחסודה, to say that she is beautiful and charming, אפילו אינה נאה, even if she's not charming. That is what the Shulchan Aruch says. What did you read? There is a halacha of giving a wedding gift after הכנסת כלה What? After הכנסת כלה. Okay. So, the Chelkat Mechokek, one of the commentaries here, along the lines of what we were saying here, is לא שאם יש לה מום יאמר שאין לה מום. So, here it's a little more clear, it's a little more black and white. Meaning to say, if she has a mum, a specific imperfection, something about her which is clearly defective, don't say that she does not have a mum, don't lie black and white. Because that's שקר גמור, that's real lying. רק יאמר סתם, just say in general, שהיא נאה, she's beautiful Can't really lie so clearly that she, her ear is I don't know, partially defective, don't say her ear is not defective. Just say she's beautiful. And maybe like along the lines of what you're saying, and then already it's subjective. Don't clearly say that she does not have a imperfection or defect when she really does. The Beit Shmuel also, he says that in the name of the Perisha, once again, that when you say that she is נאה וחסודה, so once again, even according to בית הלל, which seems to not be as as as concerned about the מדבר שקר תרחק, so he says the reason how we're getting around the problem of lying is that we again, we מטעה את דבריו, we say what his כוונה are is she's נאה, she's beautiful במעשיה, her deeds. She has beautiful actions. She's a צדקת, she does חסד, and that's what it means when she's נאה, she's beautiful in her מעשים, מעשים טובים. Okay? We use that language. She's a beautiful person. We do. Yeah. Doesn't mean when I talk about physically necessarily. Correct. So, with all the מפרשים that we've been working with, until what what I'm about to share with you, the understanding that we have here is that בית שמאי certainly is concerned about transgressing the איסור of lying, מדבר שקר תרחק. And what we see also is that בית הלל is also agrees that there is an issue of saying a lie, but we are easier to work around it when it comes to being משבח the the כלה in front of the חתן, or like we spoke about here with this purchase, so we could say what his כוונה really was, but there's still you're not allowed to lie straight out in order to be משבח the כלה. Okay? However, I

want to bring you to a new opinion here in this סוגיא which sheds a new light, and that is the Ritva. And the Ritva in our סוגיא, when he says that you could be משבח, the Gemara tells us that you משבח the מקח in the eyes of the purchaser, when a person purchases a new product, you משבח it, says the Ritva, Well, that's, yeah, I think that's a given as long as you're not allowed to return it. Says the Ritva the reason being פירוש, the כל שהוא משום דרכי שלום, anything because of דרכי שלום, אין בו משום מדבר שקר תרחק. Any any any statement which touches on darkei shalom, what's darkei shalom? Like Aharon. Right. Like Aharon HaKohen. Aharon HaKohen was, we know, a רודף שלום, right? We know that he, right, we know that he lied in order to promote peace, and Anyways, the Ritva tells us here that any statement which may threaten shalom, may threaten peace, you have a right to lie. And for that reason, he says you're allowed to lie in order to make the one who purchased a new item feel good about his product, you're also allowed to lie about a kallah and make her feel good in her husband's make I'm sorry, her husband feel good, and be happy with his new kallah. So, with that, I want to get into a little bit the the yesod, the source of the issur, the prohibition of lying, and how is it that we could just push aside this halachah of lying in order to prevent the problem of shalom, in order to preserve shalom, in order to preserve peace? So, the

פשטות simple understanding is that sheker, lying, is real is really a issur d'oraita. The source comes from the Torah itself, as we just mentioned, the Torah says, \"מדבר שקר תרחק\", distance yourself from a lie. And the Chafetz Chaim quotes this in his פתיחה, his introduction to halachot of lashon hara, and he talks about how terrible slander is, and he lists out different prohibitions that one could transgress or violate positive or negative commandments. And he says one of the things, one of the issurim that you could tally on to, to the, I think he comes up with seventeen positive commandments that one could transgress by speaking lashon hara, he says, is if you're fabricating a story. If you're lying, that's מדבר שקר תרחק. And we see from his understanding, he quotes the Sefer Mitzvot HaGadol that counts it as one of the mitzvot as well as the Chinuch tells us that everything, every lie is included in this issur of מדבר שקר תרחק. False word, false word, sector, not lying, false word. Yeah, so motzi shem ra is mamash when it's something false, and lashon hara is when it's something that is emet. Correct. Right, so when you're when you're talking about the Chafetz Chaim, you're talking about lashon hara, or you're talking about lashon hara is only when it's true. So, there it gets technical. It's going to it's going to get technical. Generally speaking, when we talk about slander and lashon hara, when it's actually true, then we refer to it as lashon hara. When it's not true, we generally refer to it as motzi shem ra. Those are different terms that we usually use for the type of type of lashon lashon hara is really a general term, it means bad bad language, basically. רכילות is gossip, but I don't want to go through all the halachot of lashon hara. But even even if it's something which is true, but if you mix into it some point that's a lie, you could still maybe categorize it as lashon hara, but there's a lie included in the story. Motzi shem ra generally refers to when you fabricate a whole story about someone which is completely unfounded. But that's not the point. The point is, when we talk negative about someone else, the Chafetz Chaim lists that out as a as a prohibition of of מדבר שקר תרחק. So

what I want to leave you with tonight is what the Birkat Avraham asks, that if the source of the the prohibition of saying of of sheker is coming from the pasuk, the Torah itself, מדבר שקר תרחק, then how do we explain that when it comes to what we call דרכי שלום, that we're able to push aside this Torah prohibition? We understand if it's a matter of life and death, maybe Avraham Avinu, he was afraid they're going to kill kill him to to marry Sarah or whatever it may be. If it's life and death, so, of course, we understand. But shalom, as important as it is, but we need a source. Where do we see from the Torah, or do we see from the Torah, or how does the Chazal have a right to push aside the מדבר שקר תרחק in order to from Hakadosh Baruch Hu in last week's parashah. From Hakadosh Baruch Hu in last week's parashah. Oh, we're going to get to that. Yeah. Tomorrow night, Be'ezrat Hashem. Well, you're not going to be here. I'll have to give you a run-down. That's the question I'm going to leave you with. And Right, so we'll go through tomorrow there's there is a possibility that it's not a תורה איסור, which I'll go through that opinion tomorrow, and then if it is a תורה איסור, we'll explain how What's not a תורה איסור? תורה איסור. What's not מדבר שקר תרחק. It says so in the Torah, how could it be not be an issur? You want a sneak preview? I'll give you a sneak preview. I don't mind. Read the end of the pasuk. ונקי וצדיק אל תהרג כי לא אצדיק רשע. Right, so some want to say that the only time lying is a Torah prohibition is if it's going to inflict damage on someone else, it's going to harm someone. But we'll we'll talk about that more tomorrow, hopefully. Stay tuned. All right, so that's quite good. And your re'ayah for the parashah is what they're talking. That is the Tosafot, I think, או ב - the Gemara, yeah, we're going to get to that. Yeah, that's Tosafot. Yeah, but the Gemara in Yevamot. לא אצדיק רשע. Don't exonerate the wicked. That's a good thing. What's a good thing? Exonerate the wicked? No, to not exonerate the wicked. Right, okay. Look in the Maharsha. Everyone has a chelek in Torah, I want to hear your peshat. ונקי וצדיק אל תהרג. Here is the Here is the pasuk in Torah. Number seven. Distance yourself from a false word, and for I shall not exonerate the wicked. My question is, If you tell a lie then you can exonerate the wicked. Don't try to get the wicked off the hook. That's what it sounds like. That would be a good thing. You've got to work it out, but there are there are those, I think, you're going to appreciate this, you're going to appreciate this. So I want you to think it through. Those make a connection. Beit Shammai says, once you get in you're stuck, unless מוסב על דברי הדבר. You didn't change your clock back yet? Oh, thank God. I just got back from TK! Remember I told you I always come in here looking to daven? I don't know. Oh, so the Rashash, take a look at the Rashash, he'll tap it out. Don't lie, basically. Rashash says, so the Gemara, the basic, what's the lashon of lidvarei, what's lidvareihem? It's not, it's Beis Shammai, according to your reasoning, according to my reasoning. Beis Shammai didn't use that term. He thought he... According to your reasoning, used that, once, that's the part that doesn't... You could be helping somebody. But he's wicked, so why should you be helping? So that's why I asked. Usually, usually you, that's why, at the end that they lie, it's beneficial for somebody. Don't tell a lie if it's going to hurt somebody. Talk with her. You should agree that she's just like you can never return. Do not exonerate the wicked. You would tell a lie, you would exonerate the wicked. Which means you're going to help a rasha. All right, very good. So that would be helping somebody, even though he's a rasha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The question I'm going to ask tomorrow is What's that on the table here? This is a pretty interesting sugya, though, in my opinion. Well, I think what's interesting is how you bring out the depth. It's not as hard as the other ones that we It's not as hard as that, but Well, maybe maybe that's what it is. We can make anything harder. Maybe that's what it is, but it's very interesting. Yeah, it's kind of It's a lot deeper than I definitely surface Yeah, it's going to get a little deeper tomorrow, be'ezrat Hashem. מדבר שקר תרחק. But you brought me you brought me already something in my because I've seen this happen many times in in public. See people say nice things to people, and other people feel or think, even say, even myself being guilty of it, that why is this

guy saying this? That's not true, or it's, you know, how is he looking at it from that point of view? Or just spontaneously reacting to that's a lie. It's not, do you understand what I'm saying? In other words, to say something beneficial, peaceful or, again, like you already explained דרכי שלום. Right, for דרכי שלום, and people are public and nice when it seems false, phony. Yet there is something going on there between the people that's important, especially amongst Jews who are sensitive. I see this a lot of times, people, I think someone who get it, there's something that's What's overriding, what's overriding is the peace, friendliness, the love, you know, and it's okay to be a little bit seemingly untrue. If you have a cynical, especially if you have a cynical attitude, you see this right away. You're a nice guy, you don't see this. Is that a lie? You don't even know what I'm talking about. Good one, good one! No, I meant that. I didn't say for his benefit. I was actually criticizing myself, because if I see that, then maybe there's a certain cynicism in me that I can see it. That's what I'm saying, so. So it brings it out that, you know. There's a there's a big, you have to understand, this person's being nice to each other.

Levi Yitzchak Berditchever, I think, right, he was he was known for zechut, for always always always seeing the good. Many times our nature has it such that that we pick up on on the negative attributes people have or or you see someone doing something wrong, and ah, you know, but when doing something right Did you tell the story about his wagon? Ah. So, there's a famous story about him, how Uh-huh, so you can tell it well, so it has a punchline. how he saw he saw someone fixing his wagon. A famous story. Yeah. Stam, means you heard it. He saw someone fixing his wagon wheel on his It's good to hear it. caravan. You know, they say when you mention his name, brings down a whole גילוי of of his נשמה? It says so. So you can say it, okay? Yeah. Be a zechut for him. Anyway, so imagine someone's fixing his tire on his car, and he's in his tallit and his tefillin. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I think you're I think And was he smoking a cigarette? I don't know about that, but. Oh. It's another story. So, a lot of people may may look at this as, Oy, he's in his tallit and tefillin, he can't think of anything better to do than to fix his to fix his tire, fix his his wheel? When you have your tallit and tefillin on, you should be in the beis midrash and davenen, or should be in the shul. That's what we do with our tallit and tefillin. Yeah. He would always see the bright side of things, and he would say, \"Wow, look at, Hashem, look at your wonderful nation, Klal Yisrael. Look at this, he even while he's fixing his wagon he's still doing it with kedushah, with his tallit and his tefillin.\" I think there's another story which is more appropriate. I I mean just where the guy he's Shabbos, he's smoking a cigarette, he's he's working, all this all the whole thing. And then he

says, \"Do you know that?\" \"Yeah, of course I knew.\" \"You know that smoking on Shabbos?\" \"Yeah, of course I knew.\" \"Look, Aibershter, look at this Yid, he could never tell a lie!\" Okay, well I have I've seen it printed. Actually have that. You'll find it. It's really It's a pamphlet full of all these little stories. It's really a very good middah to to teach ourselves. To what? Never tell a lie, or to No, to not feel so negative when we see Even when we see people doing things that we may feel are inappropriate. Listen, there's a Gemara that has a whole list Many times it's just because we're trying to make ourselves feel better. There's a whole list of \"I don't do this, look what he does,\" you know? Listen, there's a whole Gemara like in Makkot or something where where it's like maybe it was Hillel or something, Rabbi Akiva, and or or they tell a story about a guy who they took away his cow and they didn't pay him and and so then the guy later on and and the whole time he handled it well. I'll tell you what. Trying to hear myself. And remember that one? And at the end, the whole story, all the stories were about how you דן לכף זכות and you see see the the good and don't get upset. I don't remember that one offhand, but sounds It's all in Ein Yaakov. Ah, very good. Here comes Jon. Yishar koach for making it out. I'm sorry I missed It's okay. That's good, but I I, you know, my

my wife was in a class, and I thought I was going to be able to get out and in time, but I couldn't. It's all good. Speak of the devil. And what else about your wife? I'll leave you in suspense, yeah.