Parshas Chayei Sarah
Why Avraham opened his request to bury Sarah with what sounds like a threat, and how that won over the Bnei Ches.
Part of Bereishit
Telling the Bnei Ches he is 'a ger and a toshav' among them, Avraham hints, per Rashi, that he'll buy the burial plot cooperatively or simply take it by right, since Hashem promised the land to his descendants, an oddly forceful opening for someone requesting a favor. The lesson is that when a Yid needs something for the sake of Torah, showing unwavering resolve upfront is what earns respect and cooperation, which is exactly what happened when the Bnei Ches responded by offering even more than he asked. At the same time, Avraham paid full price and bowed respectfully, showing that firmness of purpose and menschlichkeit go together, captured in the very bowing that Chazal read as directed both to the Bnei Ches and, at the same time, in gratitude to Hashem.
Audio Transcript
A Vort from the Rebbe for this week's parashah, Parashat Chayei Sarah. In the beginning of Parashat Chayei Sarah, the Torah says that Avraham Avinu spoke to the 讘谞讬 讞转, asking him to give him a place to bury his wife Sarah. And the first words that he used when he spoke to them, the pasuk says he said to them, 讙专 讜转讜砖讘 讗谞讻讬 注诪讻诐. And Rashi explains in the second peshat, what does that mean, because it seems like the word ger and toshav are opposites. Ger means a stranger, toshav means a settled person, not a stranger. So he says to them, \"I'm a ger and a toshav by you.\" So Rashi said what he meant to say is like this. He said to them, 讗诐 转专爪讜 讛专讬谞讬 讙专, if you want, if you're going to cooperate, then I'm like a ger, like a stranger who comes and I'm going to get it, buy it. But 讗诐 诇讗讜, if you don't cooperate, 讗讛讬讛 转讜砖讘, I'll be considered, I'll consider myself like a toshav, which basically means an owner, 讜讗讟诇谞讛 诪谉 讛讚讬谉, I'll take a place by force, so to speak, because I own it. 砖讗诪专 诇讬 讛拽讚讜砖 讘专讜讱 讛讜讗, Hashem said to me, 诇讝专注讱 讗转谉 讗转 讛讗专抓 讛讝讗转, I'll give this land to your children, mimela it's mine, so I can take it. So you better cooperate, if not I'll take it anyway.
So the Rebbe asks a she'eilah: Why did Avraham start his conversation with them with such words, which seems like a threat? Why didn't he start nicely, speaking to them, trying to convince him, trying to show them how it's important, etc., etc., and then they would maybe continue what he's supposed to do? But why did he start lechatchilah with such words which shows that he's threatening them, if not I'll take it anyway?
So the Rebbe explains here that this the Torah's teaching us a hora'ah, that when a Yid needs something which is al pi Torah that he needs it, and it's for the sake of Yiddishkeit, for the right thing the Eibershter wants you to do, and you need to get it from a goy, the first thing you have to do is to show the goy that this is something that you're determined to do and it's going to happen no matter what. There are no two ways about it. And when he sees how firm you are in what, then he'll accept it. As we see here, he started, the first thing he started to tell them was, \"I'm getting it anyway. I'm going to get it. There is no two questions about it.\" So what did it do? They right away accepted it, and not only accepted to give him what he asked for, they even added on their own. They said that we're going to give you not only the Me'arat HaMachpelah itself, but 讗转 讛砖讚讛 讻讜诇讛, the whole field they said we'll give, which he didn't even ask. And that's all because they saw how much it means to him, and that he is definitely going to do it, he's determined to do it. On the other hand, we have to know that you also have to speak nicely, bedarkei noam ubedarkei shalom. He has to know for sure that it's going to happen and you're 100% sure, but you have to be nice, as we see here that when he got it, he paid for it full price. He paid 讗专讘注 诪讗讜转 砖拽诇 讻住祝 注讜讘专 诇住讜讞专. He paid 400 shekel kesef with the best shekalim, the best currency that's possible. He's paid full price to show them that he is nice, and you have to be nice to them. But at the same time, you have to show that if it's something the Eibershter wants, you are going to get it for sure, that's your approach, and then they'll respect it.
And we actually see that in another prat, that we see these two sides. The pasuk says that 讜讬砖转讞讜 诇注诐 讛讗专抓 诇讘谞讬 讞转. He bowed down to the people from the land, for the Bnei Chet. And here we have two peshatim. We have, the way it seems, the simple peshat, as the Ibn Ezra says, that he bowed down to them. This was a form of showing kavod, showing respect, giving them their proper respect that they deserve. At the same time, the Chazal say in Midrash that when he bowed down, it wasn't to them. He bowed down to the Eibershter. He was thanking the Eibershter, because we know that when you hear or you get a 讘砖讜专讛 讟讜讘讛, you have to thank the Eibershter. So he thanked the Eibershter, he bowed down to the Eibershter. So in this bowing down, we see two things. We see one hand he showed to them that the Eibershter is the one that takes care, and therefore whatever the Eibershter wants to happen will happen, by bowing down to the Eibershter. And at the same time, here he also showed them that at the same time he respected them, and he bowed down to them. They're both included in this because whatever a pasuk has two peshatim, they're both true. So this gives us a lesson that when a Yid has to do something that the Eibershter wants, and the right thing to do al pi Torah, and you need to get it, you have to, the first thing is to show that this is not part, it's not a doubt, there's no option, this is it. And then, if you show that to a goy, or people who would not want normally if you show it, then they will respect you, and they will give in, and you will be able to fulfill the Eibershter's will.