Parshas Vayishlach
Why leading with 'I kept the mitzvos even by Lavan' was Yaakov's strategy for winning over Esav.
Part of Bereishit
Before making any request, Yaakov has his messengers open with a simple fact: living for years alongside Lavan the rasha, he still kept every one of the taryag mitzvos. Rather than downplaying his Yiddishkeit before approaching a non-Jew, as instinct might suggest, Yaakov led with pride in it, a gaon Yaakov, trusting that visible, unshakeable commitment earns more respect than concealment ever could. The proof came when Esav met him with a kiss and, our sages tell us, conceded that the brachos rightfully belonged to Yaakov.
Audio Transcript
A vort from the Rebbe on this week's parshah, Parshas Vayishlach. In Parshas Vayishlach we learn that Yaakov Avinu sent malachim to Esav, asking him 诇诪爪讗 讞谉 讘注讬谞讬讱, meaning to say I want to find grace in your eyes and I want you should forgive me for what I did. But before that, it says 讜讬爪讜 讗讜转诐 诇讗诪专, he told them to say 讻讛 转讗诪专讜谉 诇讗讚谞讬 诇注砖讜, this is what you should say to Esav. 讻讛 讗诪专 注讘讚讱 讬注拽讘, this is what your servant Yaakov said, and he said 注诐 诇讘谉 讙专转讬, I lived with Lavan, 讜讗讞专 注讚 注转讛, and I was there till now. And Rashi says, one of the peshatim is what did he mean when he said I lived with Lavan, the word 讙专转讬 is the gematria of 转专讬状讙, which is 613. Actually, the letters 讙 专 转 讬 of the word 讙专转讬 is are same letters as 转专讬状讙. And he said, you should tell 注砖讜, 注诐 诇讘谉 讙专转讬, I lived with Lavan haRasha, and nevertheless 转专讬状讙 诪爪讜转 砖诪专转讬, I kept the 转专讬状讙 诪爪讜转, 讜诇讗 诇诪讚转讬 诪诪注砖讬讜 讛专注讬诐, and I didn't learn from his bad behavior, from his bad actions.
And the question is, why was it important to tell that to Esav, that while he was by Lavan, he still kept the mitzvot and he didn't learn from him? Why was that important for the shlichut that he sent him? There are different peirushim in the meforshim, but
the Rebbe said like this: People think that if sometimes you have to come on to a goy, you have to ask a goy for a favor, you have to come on to do something, whatever, you have to come to a goy. So some people think that the best thing to do is don't show your yidishkeit. Try to hide that you're a yid. Some people, they don't hide that they're a yid, but at least hide that they're frum, and they keep the mitzvot. Some people that they don't mind if you know that he's frum, but will hide that frumkeit, yidishkeit, is their whole life, something that they will never go against, they will always keep it. Some people feel that you should hide it. So here, what Yaakov did when he need to come had to come on to Esav, what he did, he started off by the opposite. He wanted to make sure in the beginning that Esav should know that he is frum and he kept the mitzvot. In other words, when you come over when you have to come on to a goy and you have to poel on a goy, you have to have certain influence on the goy, you have to come with Gaon Yaakov. Gaon Yaakov means with the pride of Yaakov, with the pride of a Yid, that he should know that you are a Yid and that you are frum and the frumkeit is very important to you. That's why he said, I lived by Lavan, which means I went through a lot of hardships. It wasn't easy for to do the right thing living with Lavan, which was a rasha, and as Rashi says, he said I didn't learn from his bad maasim because it was hard not to learn from his bad maasim. And Yaakov made sure that he knew that. Esav knew what was going on by Lavan. It says in Midrash that Esav and Lavan were in communication. So Esav knew what was going on by Lavan. So Yaakov said, it wasn't easy, but there's nothing that could change me. My Yiddishkeit is the strongest. And that's the way to go. When you have to come on to a goy, you have to make sure that you don't hide your Yiddishkeit, you don't hide that you're frum, and you also don't hide that your frumkeit is something that no hardship will stop you from doing it. That's exactly what Yaakov did. Before he even gave the message or what he wants from him, he made sure that he knows, 注诐 诇讘谉 讙专转讬, 转专讬状讙 诪爪讜转 砖诪专转讬, that I was by Lavan, and Lavan was a rasha, and I had hardships, and nevertheless I kept the 转专讬状讙 诪爪讜转. And that's what a Yid is supposed to do. And when you do that, then this is also a way that you get that he will listen to what you want.
What happened here? After he sent this message, what happened later? Later, when they met, he kissed him. And it also says that at that time when they met, which was after this conversation, so in the beginning it didn't work, but at the end what was, it says, 讻讗谉 讛讜讚讛 诇讜 注诇 讛讘专讻讜转. And here, Esav admitted and gave in that the brachot belong to Yaakov. And it all came because he started off by showing his connection to Yiddishkeit that it's so strong. And the truth is, the Rebbe said once in a different farbrengen that if you go with this direction, then the goy will respect you more. Some people think that if you hide, when you start off speaking to the goy, you hide your Yiddishkeit, you hide not to show him that, it's the opposite. If he sees how important Yiddishkeit is to First of all, he sees that you're a Yid and you stick to your principles. That shows that you're an honest person, so in the eyes of the goy, he will trust you more. And certainly, if he sees that it's so important that nothing will stop you, then he will respect you more and you will accomplish more. But besides that, that the result will be better, the mere fact that you're going him, you have to always have your 讙讗讜谉 讬注拽讘, no matter what. And that's what Yaakov showed us, and that's the lesson to us, that we always have to start off by making sure that he knows you're a Yid, and you're a frumer Yid, and the Yiddishkeit is the important thing of your life, that nothing in the world will stop it.