Okay. So the topic tonight is the spiritual beauty of a wedding. And I want to make it clear that the discussion tonight, the shiur is not going to be about the greatness or the importance of building a Jewish home and having a family. We had a shiur on that separately with the title The Family Unit. We're also not going to discuss tonight the importance of the mitzvah of פרו ורבו, of multiplying, being fruitful and multiplying, which is the mitzvah of having children. That's not going to be the discussion either, we had a class on that separately, the title The First mitzvah of the Torah: פרו ורבו. What we're going to discuss tonight is specifically the wedding itself. Not the things around it, but the wedding itself. And the general idea, and also some of the spiritual kabbalistic explanations that we have in some of the things that we do during the wedding. But first, before we get to that, some technicalities, some technical parts of a wedding. We know that a marriage is made up of two parts. The two parts are called קידושין or sometimes it's called אירוסין, and the second part is called נישואין. The translation of the word קידושין or אירוסין is engagement, and נישואין is marriage. Which means we have two parts: the parts of engagement and the parts of marriage. But I have to make it clear that when we talk about engagement, it's not the kind of engagement that we're that we are used to nowadays when we say someone gets engaged, that means that they're a chatan and a kalah. That's not what I'm talking about. That is basically halachically nothing. All it is is a promise between the two that they will marry each other, and also the declaration in public that they are planning to marry each other, but it has no value as far as marriage is concerned. When I say engagement, I mean the way it used to be, that the engagement was קידושין, there was an act of קידושין that was done, and at that point, the woman became an אשת איש, she already was considered a married woman. Even though she wasn't considered 100% married, she was married 100%, I'm sorry, married 100%, but she still did not go to live with the husband. She still had a year. This was usually done a year before the marriage. As soon as they decided to get married, he would give her קידושין, and a year later, they would have the marriage. When they had the קידושין, she became a married woman. Legally, halachically, she was a married woman, and if, God forbid, she would go with another man, the punishment was death like it is to an אשת איש. But nevertheless, she was not considered 100% married that she's able to go live with her husband, and a few more small הלכות that would apply. A year later, they would have the נישואין, which was the wedding, and that's when she would become a complete אשת איש, a 100% married woman, meaning in all things, that she now was able to have relations with her husband, etc., etc. What is קידושין, which is the first stage? So the Mishnah says, האשה נקנית בשלש דרכים. There are three ways halachically that a person is able to give קידושין to his wife: בכסף, בשטר, ובביאה. It's, or giving something of value, it has at least the value of a פרוטה, and you give that to the woman, and she accepts it, and you give it in front of two witnesses, and you say, הרי את מקודשת לי, that makes her מקודשת, that is an act of acquisition, she becomes מקודשת. Or בשטר, meaning through a document. If he would take a piece of paper, and he would write down, הרי את מקודשת לי, the same words: \"You are מקודשת to me בשטר זו with this שטר,\" and give it to her, this would make her מקודשת. Or the third way, which is strange, but that is the third way, which is ביאה, through having actually relations with the woman, even though right after that, she's only an ארוסה, and from then on, for the next year, till the marriage, she's not allowed to have relations with him, but the act of קידושין was able to be done through relations. And this was the first stage of the marriage. This was something that was given by מתן תורה. In other words, before מתן תורה, there was also a concept of marriage, before Hashem gave the Torah, but there was no concept of קידושין. Kiddushin means that you have to acquire the woman before you actually marry her. That is learned out from a פסוק where it says in the תורה, כי יקח איש אשה, if a man will take a wife. So the Torah teaches that he has to take her first, he has to do some kind of act of acquisition, and the chachamim have proof and learn out that the act of acquisition could be one of these three ways. And then, a year later, because they needed time to prepare for the wedding, they would have the wedding. They would have what we would call the nisuin. Now, the wedding at that time But before we get to the wedding, let's explain these three ways. We said there are three ways to become mekudash. Again, it is through giving kesef, through giving something of value, or giving a שטר, or ביאה. Now concerning ביאה, which is the relations way, even though it is one of the three original ways a person could do the kiddushin, the chachamim said it's forbidden. They forbid us to be mekadesh a woman, to give this kiddushin, to engage the woman through ביאה, through having relations. As a matter of fact, the Gemara says that Rav, one of the great chachamim, would actually give malkot, lashes to a person who performed the kiddushin through ביאה. Also, the kiddushin through a שטר is not a custom. The custom is that we give kiddushin through kesef. We give something that has a value and we give it to the woman, and we are mekadesh the woman through the form of kesef. In that itself, the custom is that we are mekadesh a woman not just with any kesef, even though halachit you could give anything that has the value of a פרוטה, which is very little, and she accepts it and there are two witnesses watching, she is mekudeshet, she becomes his wife and she has this first stage of marriage, but the custom is that we do it through a ring, that the husband, the man, gives the woman a ring, puts it on her finger, and says, \"הרי את מקודשת לי בטבעת זו כדת משה וישראל,\" and that is the kiddushin. The Rema says this, that the custom is to do it through a ring. It's not mentioned in the Gemara that there is a custom to do it through a ring, it's not mentioned in the Rambam, which goes back many years before the Rema. It is mentioned in the Rema, which is just of a few hundred years. There is It is hinted in the Zohar that we should marry through giving a ring. There's also a רמז in the Chumash. When they have the story of Yehuda and Tamar, that Yehuda met Tamar on the way, who was originally his daughter-in-law, and then he had relations with her not knowing who she is, and he gave her a משכון, he said he would pay her, he would send something later for payment, and he didn't have it with him so he gave her collateral. So, it's said he gave her a חותם, which means a ring with a seal on it. As they used to have those days, a ring with a seal. So, Tosafot, the Baalei Hatosafot write that was really what he did was he was מקדש her בכסף with a ring. He gave her the ring and that was קידושין. So, that's a רמז to the קידושין that we do through a ring. So, the form we do קידושין now is through a ring. After Another thing that we do now that we don't do, different than they used to do: as I said, those years, years ago, meaning till about 500-600 years ago, there was a year before the קידושין and the נישואין. They would give קידושין, and that's the way she was engaged, for a year they would prepare, and then there would be the next stage, which is the actual marriage, called the נישואין. But nowadays, if 200 years, 500 years, maybe 600 years, it's not clear exactly when this started, they stopped having that year period in between. And what we do now is we combine the two together. While they're standing under the chuppah, we do both together. He gives her the ring, which is קידושין, and then in order to make a separation between the two stages of the קידושין and the next stage, we read the ketubah. We invite somebody to read the ketubah, that's the separation, but basically we do it together. The reason is very simple, because the חכמים felt it dangerous for a woman to be a real married woman, because as I said before, except a few details, she is considered a real married woman, and nevertheless, she doesn't have a husband, because she can't have relations with her husband, she can't live with her husband, and the danger was there of her doing something wrong. So, if a woman does something wrong and she's not married, it's not the same at all as a woman who is married. So, the חכמים decided let's not have any period where she is legally, הלכתית married, and at the same time we're afraid who knows what might happen. So, they said we put it together. So now, we have the קידושין and just a few minutes later, we have the chuppah. What is the chuppah? The chuppah is the level the second stage, the נישואין is the chuppah. But what part of it is actually the part that makes her into a נשואה, that makes her married? We said before, when you give the קידושין, you give the ring, she is called an ארוסה, which is an engaged woman. Then, the second stage is when she has the marriage, which is called the נישואין, and that is done through the chuppah. But what stage is it? There are different opinions what is נישואין, exactly what is this second stage. The accepted opinion, which might most people are not aware of, and that's the halachah, is the yichud that we do after the chuppah. We all know that we have the chuppah, he gives her the ring, witnesses, then we read the ketubah, there are ברכות said, and then the chatan and kalah go into a room, and that is called yichud, they are alone in a room. What is the purpose of this yichud? So, most opinions hold, that yichud, that is what makes her married. That yichud is called הכנסה לבית. He brings her home. The idea of נישואין, which makes her 100% married, is the fact that he brings her to his house, and that is the marriage. So, the room, the yichud room, basically is, at that point, his home, and he brings her home. That's why the custom is that they serve food, not only because they're fasting and they're hungry, so therefore we serve them food, but the fact that you bring the food in, and she and him together eat in the house. And the custom is also that wherever it's done, you make sure to tell the people that the room that you're going to have the yichud in is yours. Some places the hall or whoever's in charge gives the chatan the key to the room, now it's his house, and he brings her home, that's what chuppah is. There are opinions that chuppah is when they stand together under a canopy. There is even an opinion that the chuppah is covering of the face with the veil, but the accepted opinion is that chuppah is the yichud that's done afterwards. And this is what we do: After the kiddushin, there are berachot said under the chuppah, and we stand under the chuppah because we want to do it according to all opinions, you stand under the canopy, and after the berachot are said, they go into this room, and this is the nisuin, and from that moment on, she is a 100% nesuah, a 100% married.

The reason we use a ring: We said before that in order to do the kiddushin, you could give anything that has a value of a פרוטה, and we said the custom is to use a ring, so it is not really so clear. But the Rebbe brings a Rogatchover, something the Rogatchover says, a very interesting explanation according to halachah why the custom is to use a ring, and the Rebbe says according to this we could also explain why it only started years later and we don't find it in the Gemara, about 1,800 years ago, we don't find it in the Rambam, which is about 800 years ago, we only find it going back 4, 500 years. So, he explains it al pi halachah very interestingly. There is a Yerushalmi, the Yerushalmi says that if a person would give a woman a ספר Torah that he wrote, it's not good for kiddushin. You could give anything of value, so a ספר Torah, you know how expensive that is, and he gives it to her as a present, this is for kiddushin, no good. And the reason is, the Rogatchover explains, because when you give the woman kiddushin, it has to be in a form that you give it to her away 100%, now it's hers, you have nothing to do with it, you don't have any right or ownership over the object you gave her. A ספר Torah, when you write a ספר Torah, you have a mitzvah of writing a ספר Torah, that you can never give up, you can't lose that mitzvah. So, when you give her that ספר Torah, as much as you gave it away to her, there is still some connection to you, you have the mitzvah, and therefore, you didn't really give it away to her completely. So, the Rogatchover says the same thing is anything else that you'll give. Anything that a husband will give his wife, the halachah is, we have to concentrate here, the halachah is that whatever a woman owns, this is halachah, different is way we people make up, but the halachah is whatever a woman owns, it's hers, the principal is hers, but any profit goes to her husband, that's the halachah. That's called נכסי מילוג, anything that she gets, that she brings in from her father's home or anything that's really, really hers, the husband has the peirot, he takes the profit, and therefore, whatever you will give her, if there is any profit, besides the principal, any usage that you could use it, is his. So therefore, whatever he'll give her, it doesn't really leave him completely, because he still has a hold on it, because he is going to have the peirot from it, he's going to have the profit. The only thing that it won't be is if you give her a ring. You give her a ring, she puts it on her finger, and when you put it on the finger, there's no way he could have any use from it. Besides, it's a woman's ring, and he's not allowed to wear it even if he'd want to make use of it because of לא ילבש, a man is not allowed to put on jewelry of a woman. So therefore, the only thing that you give, which is given away completely, which you have no more hold on to it, is the ring. But this is only nowadays, when they used to give the kiddushin a year before the wedding, it wasn't a problem, because this halachah that the husband makes use of everything that's hers is only from the nisuin, only from the second stage. So when he would give her the kiddushin, he had no right over it at all. So, whatever he would give her becomes hers for a whole year. Only at the end of the year when he marries her, that's when he starts having the right to use it. So there was no problem, whatever you give her. But since nowadays we do the kiddushin right before the nisuin, so there is no time when she has it and he has no right over it. The only thing that could be is if you give a ring, and the ring is put on her finger, so you put it on her finger, so now you give it to her in a way that he can't use it, there is nothing he could gain from it. So now it's hers completely, that's why this is used as kiddushin. Another reason why he puts it on her finger, because according to halachah, you could just put it into her hand. So, the Rebbe says another reason, because there is a Tosefta that says that if you give kiddushin to a woman with a keli, with a vessel, the kiddushin is not valid till she uses the vessel. So that means if you'd give her anything else and it might be a vessel, it won't be valid right away. And if you give her a ring in her hand, it's not valid right away, because a ring is a keli and it has to be used. So when you put it onto her finger, she's using it right away, and that's why she's מקודשת. This is the halachah reason that the Rogatchover says and the Rebbe explains it, why we use a ring. But I will explain soon the more spiritual explanation for the ring. ובכלל, the more spiritual explanation of what goes on at the time of the wedding. Because besides the major points that I made before of the wedding, which again is giving of the ring, which is the kiddushin, and then you have the second step, which is the nisuin, there are a lot of details which are customs of a wedding. Like for instance, there's a custom of writing the tena'im, a Kabbalat Panim, there's a custom of badekenish, that after the Kabbalat Panim, you take the chatan, the two shushvanin, the two unterfirers we call them, I don't even know what they are called in English, chaperones, one from the side of the chatan, one from the side of the kallah, take the chatan to the kallah, and the chatan covers the face of the kallah, that's called badekenish. And then you go to the chuppah, and we have berachot. When he gives the kiddushin, there are berachot said. The Rav, the rabbi who's מסדר קידושין, all he does is he says the blessings for the kiddushin, and then you give kiddushin. And then you have when you later on after you read the ketubah, you have seven other berachot which are said. And then you break the glass. And then you go into the yichud room. So there are a lot of details in the chatanah, in the ceremony of the chupah, which is the marriage ceremony. So there are a lot of חסידישע, kabbalistic, spiritual explanations to it all. And let me explain some of them a little bit.

Number one, we have to know that when a person gets married, or actually when two people get married, what's really happening here is two halves of the same neshamah join together again. It says in the Zohar that originally each the two neshamot were one. It split before it came down to this world, and it split and put into two separate bodies. When they get married, the two get together again. That's why it says in sefarim that the time the wedding, the day of the wedding, the time of the wedding, is considered a second ירידת הנשמה למטה. When a child is born, that's called ירידת הנשמה, that's a time when the neshamah, the soul, comes down from Shamayim, from heaven down here, put into the body. The time of the marriage is a second time when the neshamah again comes down. Now what does that mean? The neshamah doesn't come down again, the person didn't pass away and then revived again, but it's another stage, because they're two halves and now they're joined together. So what happens now, first the neshamah came down to this world, but it's not a complete neshamah. Now, each one has the other half of his neshamah in him. So it's another time the neshamah comes down to this world. It's actually hinted in the Gemara too. The Gemara says that a person who's not married, כל מי that doesn't have a wife, אין לו אשה, אינו אדם. He doesn't have a wife, he's not an אדם. When do you become an אדם, which means a person? If you marry. And the Gemara quotes the pasuk where it says, זכר ונקבה ברא אותם ויקרא שמם אדם, which means male and female He created them, and He called them אדם. Interesting, it doesn't say He called him אדם, He called them אדם, because they together make up one אדם. And that is is the reason why we consider this a second time the neshamah comes down to this world, because now, each one gets another part of his neshamah to him. He gets her part, which is half of his, and she gets his, which is half of hers. Together they become one again. And because of that, since this is another stage in the neshamah coming into this world, we could imagine that the person who's getting married, or in this case, in the case of a marriage, which is two people getting married, they need special kochos. They need special strength and power that should be given to them. Just like when the child is born and his neshamah comes down into this world, he has to have special kochos. Hashem has to give this person, this child for the future life, special strength. And it says, like before the neshamah comes down to this world, משביעין אותו תהי צדיק ואל תהי רשע, which means, it says in sefarim, Hashem from above gives so much גילויים, so much המשכה, so much great things put into this neshamah because of what it wait awaits it in the future. The same is by the chunah. Since it's again the time when a neshamah, another stage in the neshamah coming into the world, it needs very many special kochos. And physically, we understand it also. There are new responsibilities that this person and the other person, the husband and the wife, take upon themselves. There are new things that they weren't involved before, and therefore, they need extra strength. Before you start a job that's hard, you've got to get the boost, you've got to get extra strength. So at the time of the chupah, it says, Hashem showers the couple with great, special המשכות and השפעות and influences and great things that come down on this couple. And that takes place at the time of the chasunah, similar to the great things that happen when the neshamah comes down to this world. And it's all to give the two the power and the strength to be able to lead their future life the way they're supposed to, even though a lot of hardships will come. And therefore, we have the two stages: the spiritual meaning of קידושין and נישואין, the two parts. The word קידושין, even though it means engagement, comes from the root word of kedushah, of holiness. The first part is that you have to realize and you get the strength from Hashem to realize that everything that you do should be holy. And what does holiness mean? The word kedushah in Hebrew really comes from the word הפרשה, separation, that you should be separated from the physicality of the world as much as you're involved in physical things, but you have to realize that they all have to be holy acts. Any physical act that we do has to be holy, and that's not so easy to do: to realize in all these physical acts the kedushah, which means the separation of the physicality and look at it as a spiritual thing. Then we have the second part, which is marriage, which means the union, that is similar to aseh tov. The first one is more like sur meira. קידושין means to be holy, to be separated from physicality, and the other one is to bring kedushah into the couple, to bring kedushah into their life. So this is the negative, to stay away from the nega- anything that's negative to stay away, and things which are positive to come. This is the strength that's given to the couple at the time of the wedding. Now, על פי קבלה and על פי חסידות, according to קבלה, it says that at the time of the wedding, what is the great המשכה, we're saying now that there are great גילויים, great revelations of Godliness that come to this couple at the time of the wedding, it's המשכה, it says, of the כח האין סוף. It's the המשכה of the power of the infinite. Because marriage בכלל, generally marriage, represents in this world the infinite power of Hashem, because marriage means that you're able to reproduce, this is the beginning, the foundation of reproducing another generation, which on one hand is similar to what Hashem is, the creation. There is nothing but marriage that could bring, when the husband and wife get together, to bring new life into this world, which is the power of Hashem, it's the infinite power of Hashem. And also the idea of bringing new generations into the world is something that could go on and on and on forever, and hasn't weakened. We know that throughout generations the human being became weaker than he used to be, but the power, the ability of reproducing didn't become weaker. And therefore, this is an extension, an ex- not extension, expression of the כח האין סוף, of the infinite power of Hashem, and therefore, it says, at the time of the wedding, there is a המשכה upon this couple from the כח האין סוף, the infinite power of Hashem is put into them. And that gives them the power to feel Godliness, which is אין סוף, which is infinite, in their life. that they were going they're going to lead in the future. And what it really means is, more in detail, we know that when we talk about Hashem giving life to the world, we learn in חסידות there is ממלא כל עלמין and סובב כל עלמין. ממלא כל עלמין means the fact that Hashem fills the world. סובב כל עלמין means he surrounds the world. Now I'll explain what it means. It means like this: there is the power of Hashem that comes into the world according to the level of the world, as much as the world is able to take, and that comes into a פנימיות, goes inside the world. But then there is the power of Hashem which also is part of what the world has from Hashem, but that is the Hashem the way he is beyond the limitation of creation. Which as I explained many times is the difference between שם אלוקים and שם הוי-ה. The name of השם אלוקים is the gematria, has a numerical value of הטבע, the nature. That refers to Hashem the way he is put into the nature. Then you have the name הוי-ה, י-ק-ו-ק, which is past, present, and future within one word, that's Hashem the way he's beyond the nature. So in Kabbalah, this, the first level is called ממלא כל עלמין, the one that fills the world, it's Hashem that's in the world, and the other one is סובב כל עלמין, the one that surrounds the world, means it's not part of the creation, it's Hashem the way he's beyond creation. And that higher level called סובב כל עלמין that's beyond creation, from that great Godly level comes the great revelation at the time of the chupah, at the time of the chatunah onto this couple. Which is the reason why they stand under a chupah, why they stand under a canopy. A canopy is מקיף, surrounds them, is not something that goes inside a פנימיות, it surrounds, which is to represent the idea that at that time there is the המשכה, you get this great revelation of the מקיף. מקיף means surrounding, מקיף is like סובב, סובב כל עלמין. You get this great revelation of this high level called סובב כל עלמין at the time of the chupah, which we see it in the fact that we stand under the chupah, which is the מקיף. But in truth, when it comes to a chatunah, there are three involved: there is the chatan, there is the kalah, and then you have the third, and that's Hashem. As we know the Gemara says that ish and ishah, man, the word ish in Hebrew means man, ishah means woman, so they both have the same letters, אלף שין, the difference is there is a יוד in the ish, and a ה in the ishah. יוד and a ה, י-ק is Hashem's name. And the Gemara says זכו, if the husband and wife merit, שכינה שרויה ביניהם, the שכינה rests between them. So you have the husband, and the wife, and the שכינה. As we also find it says ג' שותפין באדם, there are three partners in a human being: אביו ואמו והקדוש ברוך הוא, the father, the mother, and Hashem. A certain part of the body comes from the father, a certain part of the body comes from the mother, and then Hashem puts in the neshamah, there are three partners. So when we talk about a marriage which is the foundation of later creating other people, so there are three involved here: there is the father, the mother, which is the חתן and the כלה, and Hashem. And that's why we have three types of מקיף when it comes to a chuppah, three types of מקיף. Because we said by the chuppah, by the חתונה, there is this המשכה, this revelation of this high level which we refer to מקיף, מקיף means surrounds, we have three מקיפים. Number one, we have the מקיף of the chuppah. We have the מקיף of the כלה surrounding the חתן. When they come to the chuppah, the כלה goes around the חתן seven times. And then you have the מקיף that the חתן gives the כלה, the circle, giving her the ring. We have three מקיפים. So the one on top is the מקיף that's connected to Hashem, who's on top of both. Then you have the מקיף of the כלה, she surrounds the חתן, and that's one of the reasons על פי קבלה why she goes around. There's another reason given, because it says when Mashiach will come, נקבה תסובב גבר, this female is going to surround, which means she'll be above, higher than the male. That's why we do that already, she surrounds him. But the other reason is because we have to have the מקיף of the כלה. And then you have the חתן giving the ring, which is the מקיף that comes from the חתן. And besides, this all is supposed to represent the fact that we have this המשכה, this great revelation of the infinite, a ring represents infinity. The only physical thing, I say the only, I don't know if it's the only, but of the only things, physical things in this world that have some kind of resemblance to the true infinity is a circle, because limitation means there is a begin and there is an end. When you have a complete circle, there is no beginning and no end. You could go on and on and on and on and on, there is no beginning and no end. So a mashal, a parable for infinity, for אין סוף in this world is a ring. Is a circle. That's why, by the way, a ring has another word in Hebrew besides טבעת, which is a ring: שיר. In Hebrew, the word שיר, I don't know if they use it in modern Hebrew, but in the Gemara, the word שיר means a ring. The word שיר has another meaning, the simple meaning: a song. And a song is the same way: if a true song, you start, and you come to the end, and the end is such a way that the end ties into the beginning, and in a song you could go on, finish off and start over again, you go on and on and on, but there you really can't see it, but in a ring you see it. So the idea is that the chatan gives the kallah a ring because this is to symbolize that there is the המשכה of כח אין סוף. So we have the three levels of מקיף, which is all because by the chuppah, this is the great המשכה that comes to the chatan and the kallah. And out of all, out of the two, the chatan and the kallah, who is the one that gets the המשכה more? It's the kallah, because she is the one that gets the ring. She is the one really that's going to be the עקרת הבית. She's the one that's going to be, עקרת הבית means the main part of the home. She is the one that's going to have the children. So she has more. That's why she's quiet, unlike by the goyim that I guess, I don't know that, I've never been by a goyishe wedding, but they say that you answer, \"I do,\" or whatever it is. She doesn't answer anything. When he says to her, \"הרי את מקודשת לי, you are מקודש to me with this ring,\" she doesn't say, \"Yes, I accept.\" She just has her finger out and he put it on and she accepts it, but she's quiet. Why doesn't she answer anything? Well, we know that שתיקה כהודאה, if you're quiet, obviously you accept. But still, wouldn't it be better if she would say, \"I do! Yes!\" or whatever it is would be better? The answer is when there is such a great revelation of כח אין סוף, there's nothing that you could say. The only way you could accept it is through bitul, through self-nullification. Then you're a kli, you're a vessel to receive this. And out of the two, she is the main one that has the כח of אין סוף, but since they're a couple it goes on both, but in her it's expressed, that's why she's the one that's quiet. Because she is the one that is going to receive it, and the way to receive it is without saying anything. The moment you say something, it shows you are a being, you are something, and then that's a contradiction to the true כח, the true power of the אין סוף. So this is really what happens at the time of the, when we give the ring, because it's the המשכה of כח אין סוף. The truth is, we will continue soon, but I want to mention that because it's the המשכה of כח אין סוף, just like we said she has to make herself a vessel to receive it, the chatan also. You have to work on preparing yourself. Before the chatunah there are days and weeks that you have to prepare yourself. Besides physically, all the things that you have to prepare, and the הלכות you have to learn, but emotionally, spiritually, you have to be prepared to be a kli to receive it. That's why there is an interesting expression said by one of the great rabbanim, one of the, I don't know which rebbe said it, one of the great rebbeim, he said that you don't know what takes place at the time of a wedding, what great revelation comes down. It's a shame that it's given over to children. Who gets married usually? Young children. So she's 20 and he's 23. Happens that you're older. In order to appreciate and to be a kli and to be able to prepare yourself to what happens at the time of a wedding, you really have to be experienced, you really have to be a בר דעת, you really have to be really mature. It's a shame it's given over to children in the hands. But what can we do? That's how it is. But it's all because you have to really be ready to be prepared to receive this great revelation. And that's one of the reasons why there's a great simchah. There's a mitzvah to be mesameach chatan v'kallah, there's a mitzvah at the ch atunah to be very much b'simcha, to be joyful. What's the reason for it? Why should there be such a great simcha? Now, the truth is we know other times where you have to make people happy, that's ניחום אבלים. When somebody is a mourner, then you have to comfort a mourner. Why would you have to be mesameach chatan v'kallah, get them happy? They're happy themselves! What, they're not happy? He's happy, he got a nice kallah, she's happy, she got a nice chatan. Why, are they sad? Why would you have to be mesameach them, why is there a mitzvah to make them happy? There is an expression, and it sounds like a joke, but it's not. It's written in a sefer from one of the Rishonim. Someone, the Mahari Birav, someone asked him a question: Why don't we say Shehecheyanu on the chuppah. Imagine, every time there's a great joy, a mitzvah that's especially great joy, you make Shehecheyanu. So he answered, \"Instead of you asking me why we don't make Shehecheyanu, you should have asked me why we don't make Baruch Dayan HaEmet. Baruch Dayan HaEmet is a berachah you make at a funeral.\" So he says because it's it's not such a it's a it's a sad it's not sad, it's a very serious time. But this is the different reason why it's a time when you know you're getting away from a higher level, putting yourself down more in a lower level, getting more involved in physical things that you weren't involved before, that's why it's a time that you feel a little bit more serious. That's why the word chatan, the Gemara says, comes from the word נחית. נחית means to lower. נחית דרגא means you have to lower your level. It says, \"נחית דרגא ונסיב איתתא,\" lower your level and marry a wife. They say one of the smartest women is, one of the wives of one of the great gedolim, once there was a boy that they were they they they said that she should marry him, and story goes that she was standing on downstairs of the steps, and he was standing up steps, and she looked at him and she quoted the Gemara, \"נחית דרגא ונסיב איתתא.\" Go down the steps and marry a wife. But it's all because you're getting into things which you weren't involved before, which spiritually makes it harder. But besides that, you know another reason that's a great simcha? When does a person have great simcha? With Physically, naturally, it's known when you see something that's very unique, something that's very special, that's when you enjoy it. Something that's common, that's regular, you don't enjoy. A ch atunah is such a time that the specialty of this great, Godly, spiritual level that comes down is something that brings out in the person, should bring out, the concept of simcha. The great simcha that takes place then is because of this great revelation. Now we, simple human beings, don't see it, but if we'd have clear eyes, we stand by the chuppah, and we see the great Godly light that's coming down at that time to the couple, and automatically since we're around there, we also get some game we gain something from it, but we would be so happy. So even if we don't feel it, still the mitzvah is to be happy.

Now this all is similar to מתן תורה. We know that when Hashem gave the Torah it's also called a wedding. It's the wedding between Hashem and כלל ישראל. That's why when it says, ביום חתונתו, it says the day of his wedding, talks about Hashem. ביום חתונתו זו מתן תורה, that's the day the Torah was given. Because in the time of the of מתן תורה, the similar thing happened. There was this hamshachah, this great revelation, of כח אין סוף, of the Godly power, strength, into this world. Till the Torah was given, there was no such thing as Godliness being able to permeate into this world. And even when the Avot did mitzvot, the mitzvot was definitely Godly, but it didn't bring Godliness into the world that the mitzvah the physical object should become holy. That was impossible. The pasuk says, השמים שמים לה' והארץ נתן לבני אדם, the heaven is for Hashem, the earth is given to people. In other words, there's a separation. There is Godliness, spirituality, heaven matters, and ארץ physical matters, and they don't mix. Until Matan Torah, they didn't mix. By Matan Torah what Hashem did, He combined the two and He said now we are able to bring the infinite into the finite, the infinite, אין סוף, the infinite of Hashem, infinity of Hashem, to bring it into this world. And the the Midrash actually gives a mashal, a mashal of two countries, a king who had two countries, Romi and Suria, and the king made a decree, people from Rome, from Romi, should not travel to Suria, people from Suria should not travel to Romi. And one day the king got up, ובטל הגזרה, he nullified the decree. So too before the Torah was given there was like a decree, עליונים, the one from Things from above cannot come down. The things from down here cannot connect itself to above. And at the time of Matan Torah, Hashem cut it, took away that cut obviously and took away that decree, and gave us the power that we're able to bring the אין סוף into this world. That's what happened by Matan Torah. It's exactly what happened by a חתונה, too, in a different from a different angle, from a different perspective, but the same idea, that now there is a כח אין סוף, an infinite power of אור אין סוף, of the infinite light of Hashem, that's given to this couple, that they're able to bring it into their physical daily life, which is another reason why you give a ring. The ring in Hebrew, the word ring is טבעת. The word טבעת comes from the word טבע, טבע which means nature. What you're trying to do now is bring into the nature the infinite power of Hashem that's beyond nature. So we give the ring to show that we're changing the טבע, now there's going to be a new type of nature. It's similar, it says in Midrash concerning Shabbos. It says a mashal, a parable concerning Shabbos. The parable is, there was once a ring and the ring was missing something. What was it missing? The חותם, the seal, or what's it called, the one that they used to use to sign, the signet of the ring. Finally, when they put that in, now the ring was complete. The same thing, there are six days a week. What's missing? Shabbos. When Shabbos came in, it's like that seal that's put into the ring. So what do we see here? That we compare the ring to the six days of the week. And the six days of the week are days where things go naturally. And these are days which are connected to שם אלקים. אלקים, as we said before, is הטבע, the nature. That's what טבעת is, and that's what the whole week is. Comes Shabbos. Shabbos is called Shabbos laHashem, Shabbos to Hashem, but we use the name הוי׳. Actually, on Shabbos it says שם אלקים is not there. There's a pasuk that says, ויכל אלקים ביום השביעי, which simple translation is that אלקים finished on the seventh day the work, but the Zohar says, ויכל אלקים ביום השביעי, on the seventh day אלקים is finished. No more אלקים. What do you mean, chas veshalom, no more אלקים? Yeah! Now it's הוי׳, it's higher. That's what Shabbos is. And that is considered the seal to the ring. So here too, we have the ring, which represents the six days in אלקים, and the idea is giving the ring at the time of the chupah is to show now there is going to be a new type of ring, meaning this ring will be permeated with kedushah, with the כח האין סוף, with the infinite power of Hashem. So this is this part of what a chatuanah is. Because of that, it says that on the day of a wedding, the chatan and the kallah, all their sins are forgiven, because it's similar to their personal Yom Kippur. Why is it? Because on that day, at that time, they get such a great new giluy. They get a new part of the neshamah, which comes along with this great revelation of the infinite power of Hashem, that automatically they are like new human beings. There's another person where it says all his aveirot are forgiven, all sins are forgiven. גר שנתגייר, a person who converts. And the reason there is because כקטן שנולד דמי, you're like born a new person, and everything from before doesn't count. A wedding is the same thing, because the great revelation is so great that you are like a new person. And that's why a chatan is like a tzadik. Some people even have a custom that they would go over to the chatan before the chupah, right by the chupah, right after the chupah, and ask him for a berachah. If you need a blessing for anything, they would ask a blessing from the chatan because the chatan is like a tzadik. I remember at my own wedding, from the night of my tenaim, from my engagement party, my father-in-law became very sick, and he was sick and sick for months. Before the wedding, a week before the wedding, we went into yechidus to the Rebbe, as as the custom was to ask the Rebbe for a berachah. So my father-in-law mentioned to the Rebbe, asking for a berachah for his health. So the Rebbe says to him, \"You are from Polish descent. The custom by the Polish Jews is that they ask a berachah from the chatan. So make sure right before the chuppah ask a berachah from the chatan.\" Should ask a berachah from me, from the chatan, and it'll help. And he came to me before the chuppah, and I gave him a berachah, and after the chuppah things were better, and from then on things were better, and he felt much better. Because the day of a chuppah, it's such a great revelation that the person who gets this revelation is a new person, which is one of the reasons why you fast on the day of the chattunah. There are a few reasons given. One reason, I'll just give other reasons too, there's another one reason is given because we're afraid that if they're going to eat, when you eat, you drink, sometimes you have a little bit of wine, and your mind might not be so clear when you come to do the mitzvah of getting married. There's another reason given, just like we know that the day that we have a special mitzvah to do, we don't eat before the mitzvah. Rosh Hashanah, before we blow shofar, we don't eat. Sukkos, before we בענטש אתרוג, we don't eat, because it's a special mitzvah. The chatan and kallah are going to perform a very special mitzvah that day, so you can't eat or drink before that mitzvah, that's why they fast. But then there's another reason, and that is because it's their Yom Kippur, because just like on Yom Kippur we have this great revelation of שם הוי׳, and actually it says לפני הוי׳, higher than הוי׳, on the day of a chattunah you have that same revelation. There Some say there is even a difference in halachah between these three reasons. What happens if the chuppah takes place in the middle of the day? Do you have to finish the fast day? Do you have to finish the taanis? So according to the second reason and the third, that it's all because you might not do the kinyan, you might not do that act of acquisition properly, or because before you do a mitzvah you don't want to eat, so after the chuppah, no matter what time it is, you could eat right away. But according to the first reason, that it's a fast day like Yom Kippur, you have to fast the full day. So even if the chuppah is early, you have to wait till at night. But the truth is, most people say that it's not so because there is such a thing as a תענית שעות. There is a concept of fasting part part of the day, so at least they fast fast a part of the day. But the point I'm trying to make here is this: that the reason you fast is because it's like Yom Kippur. Why is it like Yom Kippur? Because this great revelation of Yom Kippur, and to a certain degree even greater than Yom Kippur, is נמשך, comes down to the חתן כלה on that day. Which is one of the reasons, probably, I imagine, why there is such a thing as באדעקעניש, that you cover the face of the כלה, because the light is so bright that you have to cover her face, you should be able to take it, otherwise it could blind her. And why did you do it to her? Because like I said before, the ring is given to her, the one that's quiet is the is the כלה, because out of the two, where do you see more, who has more this responsibility of what's going to happen in the future? It's the כלה. So her face is covered that to show that there's this great light that's coming, that you have to cover it. And then, in order to make sure that we take things serious, and we realize that this is a very, very serious time, as much as it's a happy time, a great time, but it's a serious time when there is such great spiritual things that take place, it's one of the reasons we break the glass. Why do we break the glass? So one reason is to remember Yerushalayim. It says that whenever we have a great simcha we should remember Yerushalayim, so we break a glass to remind us that everything is happy and everything is good and dandy, but not everything is so good, because we are still in galut, in exile, and there's no Beit Hamikdash. Another reason we break the glass is to show that just like when the glass is broken, you have a few parts, they're separate, but in truth, it's all parts of the same one glass. So too, these are two separate people, but they're two people that are really one unit, like the two parts of the glass are really for one unit. But then there's another reason, a very simple reason: to remind the person to become serious. You know, when something like that happens, okay, in our case, since it's a custom, we don't even realize it, but the purpose is, when something breaks, ooh, something happened, you become more serious. To become more serious, to forget you're happy, מ'טאנצט, מ'שפרינגט, and everything is fine, but you have to remember at the same time, this is a serious time. It's a time that we have to meditate and contemplate, to think of what this means to us. So we break a glass, it's like stopping for a moment, say stop all the festivities, and stop for a moment and think. And we do this right before the yichud. Because the yichud, when you go into the yichud, that's the climax, that's when this great revelation takes place. And the yichud is when you bring the כלה home. Bringing into the home, this is what it really means: bringing this great kedusha into the home. Now it takes place fully, then it stays there, and helps the person, the people, both of them, throughout their life. So this is you break the glass before you come into the into the house, before you do the yichud. And when you do the yichud, then you really supposed to have this that's when this great revelation comes to its completion, to the highest madreigah possible. Then there are other small things, just in one moment, that it says when a person gets married, because there is a new stage in his neshamah coming down into this world, because there are such great revelations there, a person has to realize that the yetzer hara will at the same time also get stronger. We have a rule: כל הגדול מחבירו יצרו גדול ממנו, and whoever's greater than somebody else, his yetzer hara is greater. Whenever there is a great giluy, great revelation of Godliness, of goodness, of spirituality, the other side also tries and strives, puts more effort and strength to fight it. It's always. So as much as we have now extra power, we have to realize that the yetzer hara is stronger, too. And that's why it says that when a person gets married, he should take upon himself extra hidurim, extra things to be extra careful with when it comes to the right things, doing learning Torah and doing mitzvot. And it's all based on the pasuk where it says: כי תבנה בית חדש ועשית מעקה לגגך. It says, when you build a new home, you shall make a a a fence to your roof. Building a new home means when you get married. So you have to make an extra fence. There are certain things that before didn't matter, but now you should know because what's more is expected of you, and at the same time the yetzer hara will fight you more, you have to be more prepared and you have to Make a fence around yourself. A fence means even things which are allowed, you shouldn't do, you should be extra careful. Even things you don't have to do, be extra careful to do it, as a fence to make sure that the yetzer hara will not get to you and you will accomplish what is expected. But the bottom line of all this is that unlike the way people think, that a time of a wedding, a chatunah is a big party and you enjoy yourself, which is true, but that is not really what it's all about. What it really is, it's a great spiritual time. I remember the day I got married, Rabbi Shmuel Levitin was one of the אלטע חסידים. He was chasid of the Rebbe Rashab. He actually was born right after the histalkut, after the passing of the Rebbe Maharash, the fourth Lubavitcher Rebbe. His name was Shmuel. He was the first person called Shmuel after the Rebbe Maharash. He comes over to me and he tells me, he used to speak very, he was a very old man, very hard to understand him. He tells me that the Rebbe Rashab told him on the day of his wedding, and he's telling it to me, that today, you're ממשיך מקיפים אויף אַ גאַנצן לעבן. You're ממשיך, you bring down this level called מקיף, which is a very, very high level of סובב כל עלמין. You bring it down today for your whole life. So he says, \"Remember, take advantage of it, because it's only a few hours and then it's all over, and then you turn around and it's too late. So you got to,\" he said, \"be prepared.\" He told me the morning of my wedding, I was in 770 davening, \"Remember, this is what you have to think about, and this is what it's all about.\" And if you do that, we have the proper foundation, and when you have a proper foundation, then the whole בנין, the whole building, lifetime is called a בנין, the whole life is a בנין, and when a person gets married, you wish the person you should have a בנין עדי עד. It's one of the standard blessings you give a חתן כלה. You should have a everlasting building, because it's a building, but you have to have the proper foundation, which takes place at the time of the chasunah. And another thing, one of the brachot we say under the chupah, later on by sheva brachot is, we wish the חתן כלה that they should be like, Hashem should make them happy like He made happy the couple in גן עדן מקדם. Who was the couple in Gan Eden? Adam Harishon, Adam veChava. But the word Gan Eden mikedem, kedem means מזרח, the east. So simple peshat means like the Gan Eden, it says in Chumash, גן עדן was in the east. But why would it be important to mention in this ברכה where the Gan Eden was? So the Rebbe says the peshat doesn't mean that. מקדם means not the east, מקדם has another meaning: before. You should be happy like they were happy in Gan Eden before they sinned, before the חטא עץ הדעת. What was there before the חטא עץ הדעת? Before the חטא עץ הדעת, there was גילוי אור אין סוף, there was the revelation of the infinite, Godly light in the world. That's why we say in the famous Baati Legani that עיקר שכינה בתחתונים היתה, the main part, the essence of the Shechinah was down here. It left after Adam Harishon and Chava ate from the tree, but originally it was down here. So we give the blessing, the חתן כלה, that should be back again, because at the time of a chasunah, this is נמשך. So we have to take advantage of it. Baruch Hashem, many of us are married, but we have to remember that we still have children to marry off, and since relatives are connected, so when the children get married and they have this great revelation, it has an influence on the parents, too. Or some people who are still here still have to get married, so they have to remember that this is what marriage is all about. But even those that have children to get married, we get part of what happens to our children. The Frierdiker Rebbe fasted on the day of the weddings of his children. Even though there is no halachah, and the Rebbe said it, he mentioned it and he said, \"I'm not telling people to do it. Do what you want,\" he said, \"but I just want you to know.\" Why did he? Because he as a father also, besides being a Rebbe, but as a father, also gets part of what takes place at the time of a wedding. So we still have to, we have to keep that in mind and take advantage of it, and we hope that we will be zocheh very soon to the real, real wedding, because our wedding was with Hashem, and it says by מתן תורה we were married, but really it says at the time of מתן תורה was only the קידושין, only the first stage. It takes a year from the קידושין to the נישואין. It's taking a little bit longer this time, it's taking a few thousand years. But very, very soon there will be the נישואין and will be the true marriage, and we'll be united with Hashem, and we hope that it'll be very, very soon, and Mashiach will come במהרה בימינו.

Yes, ma'am. You said something about Adam was they. It was, so how did she become Chava if it was they? Meaning that when you have Adam and Chava together, the husband and the wife, together they become one Adam. That's all be one unit. Reminds me of somebody told me that once, that there was this great, a person in Yerushalayim, he's known as the tzadik of Yerushalayim. His name was, what is his name? Oh, Reb' Aryeh Levin. So they say that he came Our foot, so they're one, yes. From the word חיה, which means life, she's the source of all human beings, of all life. That's what it says in Chumash. No, it's not the same, but it comes from that root. The pasuk, Chumash says, why is she called Chava? Because כי היא היתה אם כל חי, she's the mother of all life, all living things, meaning not of all living things, but all human beings is called Chava, yes. No, it happened, I don't know, it just happened that night. I'm not, I didn't, I don't know, I don't have any connection. Yes. You want to get into that? Okay, yeah, it'll take a few moments. There is a mitzvah to get married. So when you give the קידושין, when you give the ring, you're performing a mitzvah. Before we do any mitzvah, we make a berachah, it's called birkat hamitzvot. Before we bentch etrog, we say אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו על נטילת לולב. Before we matzah, al achilat matzah. Before we light Shabbos candles, אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו, and we thank Hashem for making us holy and commanding us to do this mitzvah. Now, shouldn't we make a berachah before the קידושין, אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו לקדש את האשה? You commanded us, made us holy and commanded us to give קידושין to the woman. Now, according to the Rambam, this berachah that is said by the rav really should have been said by the chatan, and this is the berachah for the marriage. The reason the נוסח, the expression is different, because here we have a different berachah, is because anytime there is a mitzvah that involves another person, we're afraid to make the berachah you commanded us to do it, because you never know, other person might not take it. Just like the question is, why don't we make a berachah before we give tzedakah? Isn't it a מצוה, אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו ליתן צדקה, to give tzedakah, it's a mitzvah, why don't make the berachah? Because you might want to give tzedakah, you'll walk over, and the last minute the guy will walk away. It'll be a berachah levatalah, so don't make a berachah that way. So we make a berachah very general. According to the Rosh, it's not even a berachah. According to the Rosh, we don't lechatchilah make a berachah for the mitzvah, but what we do is we make a berachah for the general holiness of Klal Yisrael, of the Jewish nation. We take this opportunity at the time of the marriage, which is a holy act, to thank השם, המקדש עמו ישראל, that makes the yidden holy. And it's not called ברכת המצוות. According to the Rambam, it is the berachah for the mitzvah, and still the nusach is changed different than the other berachot because of that reason. Then we have the שבע ברכות, that's already different thing. When you have the seven berachot, that's not called ברכת אירוסין, that's not the berachah for the קידושין, that's ברכת נישואין, that's the berachah for the second stage. And there, it's a berachah to the couple that they should be happy, and a berachah that at the time we bless the couple, we also remind ourselves of Yerushalayim, so we thank, we speak about Yerushalayim. And people don't even realize part of the berachah is to thank the people for coming to the wedding. That's the first berachah. We speak about the first couple, which is אדם וחוה, we talk about that in the berachot too. It's all because that's what marriage is. We are repeating what אדם וחוה did, because they got married, and that's how it continued. That's the meaning behind these berachot. Yes. No, he obviously, he would, no no, he meant to be mekadesh her. He had the kavanah. And yeah, but lefo'al, what happened lefo'al was that he gave her kiddushin. She asked for something, and he said, and when he gave her it wasn't only a משכון. It was mamash giving for kiddushin, according to the Baalei Tosafot. Even though it was an answer to her asking to give. Not forced, but she, lefoal he did it, she like pushed him into it, but he still gave it ברצון. כסף? Yeah. Yeah, but it's her money, but in the meantime till she uses it, he could have profit from it. But she could. Here, what we do is, she has there is no chance for him to have profit on it. Other things, the moment she gets it, till it's used up, there is something that he has in it. He has the ability of using it. It's hers, but all the usage, all the profits, is his. And therefore it's still, he's still connected. But the ring onto her finger, he's away from it, there's nothing. Huh? Right, according to this reason, it would be, yeah, you could do that. To put something on her head, yeah. Yeah. If it's not a kasher rabbi? Definitely not. What? If she's not מקודשת not kasher, certainly not. He's not married. It's not a real, real act of, of kiddushin of marriage. Yeah, it's not their fault. They want and they have good the will, also the good ratzon and with, but it's they're not married then.