Why a Mourner Turns Over His Bed
Why a Mourner Turns Over His Bed
Part of Life Cycle · 20:10
Explores the custom (now largely lapsed) of an avel turning over his bed, sourced in Yoreh Deah and the Aruch Hashulchan, plus a story about Rav Rashab and the Chofetz Chaim on Shabbos.
Audio Transcript
Yeah, now from the beginning of ืคืจืง ืืื ืืืืืื, ืคืจืง ืฉืืืฉื, ืงืกืดื ืขืดื. ืคืจืง ืฉืืืฉื? ืคืจืง ืฉืืืฉื? Yeah, ืืืืืื doesn't mean shaving, means cut your hair. ืืืื ืื ืืืจื, ืชื ืื it says in the ืืจืืืชื, ืจืื ืขืงืืื ืืืืจ, ืจืื ืขืงืืื says, ืื ืืื ืืกื ืืืจืื ืฉืืืจืืช ืืช ืื ืคืฉ, How do we know that Sanhedrin that are going to execute somebody, ืฉืืื ืืืขืืื ืื ืืืชื ืืืื, a whole day they don't eat, that day that they do it they don't eat? S'iz doch emes. It used to be some ืจืื ืื, the day they used to be ืืกืืจ a ืื, they would fast. Really? Yeah. Why? Such a ืขืจืืืช that they... The Rebbe's father fasted once half a day, started doing it and they said a mistake, something came out, you do it again. So that day already he said I'm not doing it, we'll do it the next day. Yeah, so anyway, ืชืืืื ืืืืจ it says, ืื ืชืืืื ืขื ืืื, do not eat on the blood. Do not eat when you are going to spill blood. But here this is ืืื ืืขืืื ื ืืืื ืื, that's engaging to the Gemara there. The Gemara wanted to prove something from here, that's not engaging the argument here.
ืื ืืื ืฉืืช, a person that was put in cherem and he died while he was still in cherem. Well, can you can you kill kill somebody on Chol Hamoed? Huh? We're going to see about that. That's what we talk That's what the Gemara actually talk This The here it doesn't bring it to The Gemara talks about it. Maybe you can't, only can be ืืขืืื ืืืื. That's not The Gemara just says ืืืืื. So a person is in cherem and he died, ืืืช ืืื ืกืืงืืื ืืช ืืจืื ื. They stone his aron. We'll see in a second. ืจืื ืืืืื ืืืืจ, ืจืื ืืืืื says, ืื ืฉืืขืืืื ืขืืื ืื ืืื ืื, it doesn't mean you throw on top of it a pile of stones, ืื ืืื ืฉืขื ืขืื, by ืขืื it says when they killed him they piled on him stones, ืืื ืืืช ืืื ืฉืืืืื ืืื ืืืื ืืื ืืืืื ืขื ืืจืื ื. They send they put down one stone on his aron. ืืืื, to show you, ืฉืื ืืืชื ืื ืืืช ืื ืืืืื, ืืืช ืืื ืกืืงืืื ืืช ืืจืื ื. To show people should know that even if since you died with a cherem, so you're you're basically in cherem after you died also. Being in cherem means that people stay away from this, but if you didn't take off your cherem before, ืืืช ืืื stones it. It's like a kaparah. Yeah, must be a kaparah. ืืืื ืื ืืืจื ืืืืืืขืจ, ืคืจืขืื ืื ืืืจื,
ืืฆืืจืข ืืื ืืืืจื ืชืืจื? A ืืฆืืจืข, is he allowed to learn Torah? ืชื ืฉืืข, ืคืกืืง. A pasuk says you should remember, ืืืืืขืชื ืืื ืื ืืืื ื ืื ืื, teach your children and your children's children, ืืื ืืฉืจ ืขืืืช ืืคื ื ืืณ ืืืืงืื ืืืืจื, the day that you stood in front of Hashem in ืืจ ืกืื ื. So he's talking about learning Torah today, you should teach your children, your grandchildren, and he connects it to ืืชื ืชืืจื. Just ืคืจืฉืช ืืชืจื, this week's ืคืจืฉื. ืื ืืืื, ืืืจืื ืืืืืื ืืืจืื ืืืืืข, just like by ืืชื ืชืืจื they stood there with fear and with pachad, ืืืื, and ืจืื, and shaking, and ืืืข is sweating, ืืื ื ืื, here it said, so ืืืืื ืืฃ ืืื, wherever you learn Torah it has to be the same way. ืืืื ืืืจื, here we learned out, that ืืืืื ืืืืฆืืจืขืื, a ืื or a ืืฆืืจืข, ืืืืขืื ื ืืืช, had relations with a ื ืื, they're all ืืื, but ืืืชืจืื ืืงืจืืช ืืชืืจื ืืื ืืืืื ืืืืชืืืื, they're allowed to read ืชืืจื, ื ืืืืื, ืืชืืืื, ืืืฉื ืืช, is it Mishnah? ืืืจืฉ, ืชืืืื, ืืืืืืช, ืืืืืืช. They're all allowed. Why? Since these are all people who feel bad, and it says when you learn Torah you have to be very fearful, you shouldn't be lightheaded, and these people are all like that. And Rashi says why are they all like that? Says ืื and ืืฆืืจืข, obviously they're very very ืืืื, they're very nervous, look what they are, they're ืืฆืืจืข and a ืื. ืืืขื ื ืื, even though the guy was ืืืขื ื ืื, ืืืื ืืื did a very terrible thing, but he feels bad, so he's also his heart is bothering him. But ืืืขืื
ืงืจืืื ืืกืืจืื, a ืืขื ืงืจื is asur. Why? Because a ืืขื ืงืจื doesn't have ืืื ืืืื, his heart doesn't bother him. So he doesn't have the the ืืืื, ืืืจืื ืืืืื, ืืจื ืืืืืข. Why not? ืืฉืืืขื ื. Why doesn't it bother him? Because it comes lechatchila out of ืงืืืช ืจืืฉ. Yeah. Why? Well, why else is he a ืืขื ืงืจื? Rashi says, 'ai, maybe a ืืขื ืงืจื through having relations with his wife?' So he says that's also not ืืจืชืช, because it's also connected to simcha, he enjoys it, umimeila the whole thing came from simcha. So or it's he's a ืืขื ืงืจื because he's Rashi says the ืืฉืื ืงืืืช ืจืืฉ, Yeah. which he's lightheaded and he's not doing the right thing, so that's not ืจืชืช ืืืืข, or even ืชืฉืืืฉ ืืืืชื. The other ones, ืืฉืื ืืฆืืจืข and a ืื, that's already these are people who it's not their fault at all, that's like a sickness. So that's not So certainly they feel bad. ืืืขื ื ืื is also that afterwards, you know, ืจืฉืขืื ืืืืื ืืจืืืช. Even if he did it ืืืืื, but it's ืืืจืื. ืื ืฉืืื ืื this ืืขื ืงืจื is is not, you know. What about a person who it just happens to in the middle of the night? It does How does it happen? It's physiological. What happens or mishamayim, as it says, a person thinks about it in the day, ืฉืื ืืืจืืจ ืืื ืืืื ืืืืื ืืืื ืืืืื ืืืืื. So then he's not happy? It comes from ืืืจืืจ ืืืื, it comes from happens. There's a cause, there's a cause. He's right, at ืืฉืขืช it happened maybe he feels bad, but it's all ืืืืฉื to the simcha, so he's enjoying it. ืืืื ืื Gemara weiter, ืืื ืืืื ืืืคืืืช ืืืื. An ืืื
has to turn his bed around. I I never looked into this, why nowadays it's not done. It's a ืืื, ืืื is ืืืื ืืืคืืืช ืืืื. What do you mean turn upside down? Upside down, just turn his bed, really. Yeah, you have to turn your bed upside down. Sleep on the box spring? Sleep on the spring, yeah. It's not done, must be some reason. For how long? While you're an ืืื, during shivah. Oh, during the whole day, the seven shivah. You mean take off the top part, or Beds then were different beds than now. It's not a box spring, this what they used to take the bed, sleep backwards. And he says why? ืืชื ืื Bar Kappara learned, der Eibershter says like this, ืืืืช ืืืืงื ื ื ืชืชื ืืื. I put myself, a person, a Yid was created ืืฆืื ืืืืงืื, so I put My image into them, ืืืขืื ืืชืืื ืืคืืชืื. Now because a person dies, ืืื ืืืชื ืืื ืืื. So you did an aveirah. That means you did an aveirah, so you made Me turn it around. I put it in, now I have to take it out. So therefore, ืืคื ืืืืชืืื ืขืืืื. So turn your bed around. Every ืืืชื is a ืืื? It says in the ืืืจื, ืืื ืืืชื ืืื ืืื. Only four people in history that ืืืชื ืืขืืื ืฉื ื ืืฉ, only died because of the ื ืืฉ. Anybody who dies today, we see Has to be for some chet. Only thing, the HaAri zal said this on the Ramak. We spoke about it last time, that the Ramak toleh's a etz, that it's only toleh in the ืขืฅ ืืืขืช, but he didn't do any aveirot. Who are the other four, do we speak of? Doesn't say, we don't know. Which four? Four people: Binyamin, Amram, Yishai, Klalav. Klalav, the son of David, David's father and David's son. In the Gemara, it's written. So, it says that we don't do this nowadays because the goyim It says there why? Oh. Yeah, it says because goyim would think it's a form of sorcery, one. Where where's the source for this?
Yoreh Deah or Shulchan Aruch we've learned on, yeah? Yeah, Aruch Hashulchan, Chidushei Rabbi Akiva Eiger, Mishmeret Shalom. That's all that's all from later generations, last generation. It's not from Shulchan Aruch. Aruch Hashulchan Yoreh Deah 387. Aruch Hashulchan, Yoreh Deah. Aruch Hashulchan, okay, yeah. Well, it's it puts it in two, it says because it's Let's see. Yoreh Deah, Yoreh Deah 387, then to see Aruch Hashulchan, so it's put in both. Oh, so it's Yoreh Deah first, then see Aruch Hashulchan. Chidushei Rabbi Akiva Eiger Yoreh Deah ืืืจื ืืขื probably has the din, but it doesn't say why, and he probably says why. Why you don't do it. Why you don't do it now. Right there. So, you should bring some from Aruch Hashulchan, because the goyim will think we're doing kishuf, and what else? Right, and our beds are not made like those in Talmudic times, and overturning them would not be a conspicuous sign. I like that word. Because they like they had Four-legged. different types of beds, yeah. ืืืื ืื Gemara weiter, ืืืจ ืจืื, Rava said, ืื ืื ืืงืืขืื ื ืืืืชื. How do we know that we have to set up a place ืืืฉืืจืื ื ืฉืืืื by by beit din, beit din has to have a ืืืช ืืื ืฉืืืื, you have to have a place, ืืืฉืืจืื ื ืฉืืืื ืืื ืืื ื, and we send the ืฉืืื ืืืช ืืื to tell the person you're summoned to the beit din. ืืืืื ืื ื ืืื ืืืื ื, we send the shaliach and he invites him brings him to beit din. Where do we know? ืืืชืื it says, ืืืฉืื ืืฉื ืืงืจื ืืืชื ืืืืืืจื ืื ื ืืืืื. Moshe sent, so there was a place where Moshe had called them to. Obviously, there was a place. And he sent somebody to call them to come to the ืืืช ืืื, to him. So, we see from there that by ืืืจื ืชืืจื that's what you do. ืืื ืื ืืืืื ืื ื ืืืื ื, how do you know that it seems like that that that he you call the ืืขื ืืื to ืืืช ืืื? Here it just says, see it's not clear. We just brought a re'aya, he sent. I think what the mefarshim say, if I remember correctly, how do you know that the the the dayan himself could go and call them to din? ืืืชืื it says, ืืืืืจ ืืฉื ืื ืงืจื, ืืฉื to ืงืจื, ืืชื ืืื ืขืืชื ืืื ืืคื ื ื'. You have to come to ื'. So, ืืฉื himself said it. Then how do you know ืืงืืื ืืืืจื ืจืื, how do you know that you have to tell him come to this great person? ืืืชืื ืืื ืืคื ื ื', he said to ืงืจื, come, and he said where you should come to: come ืืคื ื ื'. ืืชื ืืคืืื ื, how do you know you have to say you and your ืืขื ืืื? How do you say in English a ืืขื ืืื, you and your lawyer? No. adversary? adversary adversary the guy who's against you the defendant and the plaintiff. Yeah, so you say to each guy, you and So, who's the defendant, who's the plaintiff? You call the guy, what do you say? The other litigant. You call the guy, he's the defendant. He's the defendant, and you have to tell him, looking for the English words, you have to tell him you come and tell him that we're also calling the plaintiff, Yeah, the plaintiff. the ืชืืืข and the ื ืชืืข. ื ืชืืข. ืืืชืื it says, ืืชื ืืื ืืืืจื. He said to ืงืจื, you and your people, and ืืืจื. And they were the the whole thing was with ืืืจื. ืงืจื was the defendant, ืืืจื was the plaintiff. Yeah. Yeah. Why didn't he you could have said Aaron Aaron first? No, you call the the ื ืชืืข first. Who's the ื ืชืืข? ืงืจื. 'Cause he wanted to be the kohen? Yeah, so they called him like you should call him, you are bad, come. You're fighting somebody, so we're calling you to ืืื ืชืืจื. Like ืงืืืขืช ืืื, now how do you know we set up a time when we tell him what time, when to come? Summary judgment. Yeah. ืืืชืื it says ืืืจ. Said ืืื ืืื ื ืืืจื ืจืื, also the ืืืจ ืืื ืืื ื ืืืจื ืจืื. You have to tell him, when you call him, that you're coming to this and this rav, to this and this ืืืช ืืื, to tell him that he's a to the to the dayan, 'cause he said, come to the Eibershter. ืงืืืขืช ืืื, how do you know that you set a time? ืืืชืื ืืืจ, it says tomorrow. ืืื ื ืืชืจ ืืื ื, how do you know that you set a time after a time? Let's say he didn't come the first time, you call him again. Nowadays, like you say, you give three ืืืื ืืช. A motion for continuance. Huh? And a motion for continuance. When you give three ืืืื ืืช, they don't answer the first one? You don't come. Yeah. See, nowadays ืืืื ื is answer, you don't need answer. ืืืื ื means you come. Now those days they used to say to come to let's say he doesn't come. So l'chorah you could right away you could send him a a ืกืืจืื. Right, right. You don't do that. So he wait, no you know you got to wait the second time, he gets three ืืืื ืืช. Don't do that here either. What? They don't give a ืกืืจืื? You send someone an ืืืื ื, And doesn't come? No, he doesn't answer. So that you send him a second one. So he gets two three times three times? Three times, yeah. Sure, why not? Fine, so Okay, we do it. Who said we don't do it? We do do it. Doesn't say three, but you send him ืืื ื ืืชืจ ืืื ื, says Yeah. ืืื ื ืืชืจ ืืื ื But the thing is you're calling the person to actual come. To actual come. That's a that's ืืืื ื. You send him this letter. Summons. Nowadays, now they send summons through email. True. D'chsiv it says, ืงืจืื ืฉื ืคืจืขื ืืื ืืฆืจืื ืฉืืื ืืขืืืจ ืืืืขื, that he's complaining that in Tanach, he called ืคืจืขื ืืื ืืฆืจืื and there was a ืฉืืื is a tumult, ืืขืืืจ ืืืืขื he passed the time. That means that even though he passed the time, they called him again, so to speak, so m'meila we see it's not fine. Minalan how do you know they ืืคืงืจื ืืฉืืืื ืืื ืืื ื ืืืชื ืืืืจ ืื ืืืชืืื ืืืืฉื ื ืืืฉื? How do you know if the guy is chutzpadik to the ืฉืืื ืืืช ืืื? So the ืฉืืื ืืืช ืืื has to come back to the Beis Din and tell them what the guy said. But how could he do that? It's lashon hara. How do you know it's not lashon hara? D'chsiv it says that Korach answered, Datan vaAviram answered, ืืขืื ื ืืื ืฉืื ืืื ืชื ืงืจ? Even if you poke out our eyes, we will not come. That's what Moshe knew. How did Moshe know that that's what they said? They said it to to somebody else, 'cause Moshe sent to them. Ela mai that ืฉืืื ืืืช ืืื told it to Moshe. So we see from here that you're allowed to tell, it's not called lashon hara. ืืื ืื ืืืฉืืชืื ื? How do you know you put him in cherem? D'chsiv it says ืืืจื ืืจืื, this this last Shabbos's haftara, that Devorah cursed Meroz. Now the Gemara's going to explain who's Meroz? It's two peshatim. One is it's a star, taytsh is Mars, and some is it's a ืืืจื ืจืื. Does that qualify as lishmah also? Huh? Is that an indication of learning lishmah also? For the haftarah, it's last Shabbos. Sure. ืืขืื ื ืืื ืฉืื ืืื ืชื ืงืจ is Korach said? It's still the first half of the week, and last Shabbos Yeah, yeah. We learn lishmah, close enough. ืืขืื ื ืืื ืฉืื ืืื ืชื ืงืจ is Korach said? It's Datan va'Aviram. Yeah, we have Datan va'Aviram. How did Moshe know that? 'Cause they told, 'cause the ืฉืืื told him. And and it wasn't lashon hara obviously, the Torah says he told him. Yeah. But why wasn't it lashon hara? It wasn't lashon hara. It was, you said? Was not! Why why not? That's what I'm asking. Why not? Because as you're ืฉืืื ืืืืช ืืื, you have to come back and report to the ืืืช ืืื. Whatever you say. Whatever the guy answered, you have to come and report, and don't be afraid it's lashon hara. Some people are afraid. Sometimes, you gotta say, what is lashon hara? Sometimes you gotta if the right thing to do. Even the Chafetz Chaim, Shmirat Halashon brings that sometimes you have to This reminds me, this is not a time for stories, but What if ืืืช ืืื asks to kill somebody? You just Yeah, yeah, yeah, kill, yeah. Just tell him. Just tell them I'll say that was once ืืกืืคืช ืืจืื ืื that they had all the great ืืืืื ืืฉืจืื there. You had the Rabbi Rashab was there and the Chafetz Chaim was there and Rav Chaim and others. So the Rabbi Rashab spoke about something very strongly. So some ืจื got up and he spoke, he argued with him, insolence to the Rabbi Rashab. So the Chafetz Chaim got up, and the Chafetz Chaim says, ืืขืจ ืืืืก ืงืจืืื ืืื ืืืืคื ืืืืืืืืืืฉืขืจ ืจืื'ื, ืืื ืืืื ืืื ืขืจ ืงืจืืื ืืื ืืืืฃ ืืฉื ืจืืื ื. Whoever argues with the Lubavitcher Rebbe, he's like he's arguing against Moshe Rabbeinu. So that ืจื was a smart aleck. He knew the soft spot of the Chafetz Chaim. So he gets up and says to the Chafetz Chaim, ืก'ืืืืกื, ืืืจ ืจืืคื ืืืจ ืื ืงืจื? He knew he's gonna catch him, because the Chafetz Chaim everywhere like, ืืื ืืืจื, so he started asking him mechilah, and he started, you know, I didn't mean it, I didn't, this and that. He knew that he's, he played! So the
Rav Rashab came back that night, when, this was in, Warsaw, no, not Warsaw, whatever, he came back to the hotel, so Falikan who was there, who was ืืฉืืฉ them writes, that the Rav Rashab said to his son, \"ืขืจ ืืืขื ืฉืืื ืืืื ืืืื ื ืืืืฃ ืืืืก ืฆื ืืืื ืขื ืงืจืืืช ืฉืืข ืฉืขื ืืืื\", on the Chafetz Chaim, he's gonna have a, cause, but he himself, why didn't he think of it? Because he knew, when you gotta stand up you gotta... ืืื ืงืจืืืช ืฉืืข ืฉืขื ืืืื ืืืื ืืขื ื ืืฉืืื ืื ืคืฉ, ืืขื ืืื ืชืฉืืื. ืขื ืขืฅ, how he said it, you'll have already tonight what to work on by ืงืจืืืช ืฉืืข ืฉืขื ืืืื. The Rav Rashab said about the Chafetz Chaim that k'vayachol he was nichshal in saying something that's not, not, and his main thing was in, in dibbur. As we're talking about the maasiyot already, so, huh? He's human. No, it was, he didn't make a mistake, he tried to say something, you gotta say it even though he... He said it in a positive... Like I told you the story that, that R'' Yaakov Kamenetsky told me with the guy that, ืืื ืืขื ืืฉืืืขื ืขื, it's also the same thing. R'' Yaakov Kamenetsky, ืืืจ ืืืข ืืืื ืืืื ืืขืืื ื, he told me a story that there was in, in Radin, there was this Yid, very ืคืืจืคืจืืื, he wouldn't go to doctors. He said, you're not allowed to. The ืืืืืขืจืฉืืขืจ make you sick, the ืืืืืขืจืฉืืขืจ wants to cure you, if not you can't, which is not, there is such shitos in sefarim, but, so once he got very sick, and his family wanted to take him to the doctor, and he didn't want to go. So they came running to the Chafetz Chaim to ask him what should we do. So the Chafetz Chaim says to them, like this, and he says to me, this R'' Yankev, that you know that the Chafetz Chaim, a ืืขืืืืขื ืข ืืืืจื, every word he said, you know, he wouldn't say something bad on a Yid. So you know what he told them in order to make his point? \"ืืืื ืืืื ืืขื ืืฉืืืขื ืขื ืื ืืื ืืื ืืขืืืื ืขืจ ืืื ืืืื ืฆืื ืืืงืืืจ\". Go tell the ืืฉืืืขื ืขืจ guy that I said he should go to the doctor. Why did he use, to call a ืืื ืืฉืืืข? Because he wanted to bring out, make an impact to show. Then, we're talking about the maasiyot, another maaseh. By one of the ืืกืืคืช ืืจืื ืื the Rav Rashab was there, and he, there was a certain thing that the Rav Rashab ืืขื ื'ื, the same ืืกืืคื it was very, for, mamash a week or two, the government wants certain things, one thing that the government demanded and the Rav Rashab said, \"I don't think it's important to fight. That's not something we should fight for.\" A different person got up, a different ืจื, actually a ืืกืืืืฉืข ืจื, a ืืกืืืืฉืข ืจืื, and he said, he spoke again, \"ื ื, ื'ืืืจืฃ ืืืก ืฉืืืื\". Now the Rav Rashab said, \"I'm telling you this is not so important.\" So he tells the Rav Rashab, \"ืก'ืืื ื ืฆืืื ื'ืืื ืคืจืืืขืจ ืืืขืจื.\" It's time should become more frum. So the Rav Rashab says to him, \"ืก'ืืื ื ืฆืืื ื'ืืื ืงืืืืขืจ ืืืขืจื.\" It's time should become smarter. So the Rebbetzin Rivka, the Rav Rashab's mother said that that Rebbe is a bigger tzadik than my son. Why? Because his berachah is mekuyam, my son gets frumer every day, my son's berachah didn't become ืืงืืื, ืขืจ ืืื ืืขืืืืื ืืขืจ ืืขืืืขืจ ืฉืืื, he didn't become... Anyway, let's go weiter. I heard that maaseh, it's changed by, by other... No, no, it's a maaseh that the Rebbetzin Rivka, I told the story, yeah. They bring it by other ืคืืืืืฉืข ืจืื'ืก, it's interesting. Yeah, then weiter.
How do you know the, ืืืืื ืกืืจื ืืืืจื ืคืื ืื? How do you know when you put the guy in cherem you have to say it's b'shem this and this person? ืืืชืื, it says, ืืืจ ืืืื ื'. When she cursed ืืจืื, she said that who did it? The ืืืื ื' cursed it. ืืื ืื ืืืืจืืืื ื? How do you know that we put him in cherem and we curse him? ืืืชืื, ืืืจื ืึธืจืึนืจ, said, ืืืจื ืึธืจืึนืจ. ืืืืื ืืฉืืชื ืืืืื, how do you know we're also cursing the one that's sitting and eating next to him, ืืงืื ืืืจืืข ืืืืช ืืืืื, and he's in his ื' ืืืืช, ืืืชืื, it says, ืึนืฉึฐืืึถืืึธ. She cursed all the people who were inhabitants there. Okay, we'll stop here. ืืกืืื ืืืื. ืืกืืื ืืืื. What's a nidui? It's a type of cherem. There's two types of cherem. Nidui is a cherem, a cherem is a cherem, and shamta is a cherem. Two types? But you said three types. They're all the same? No, they're different dargot. There's ื ื\"ืฉ, ื ืืืื, ืืจื, ืฉืืชื. Is it the amount of days that it is or? Something about days, how chamur it is. Okay. All right. You want... Watch your eyes with the phone, because it's like looking at a flashlight. Just shining a flashlight in your eyes. Look what you do, I know. Turn it down. Oh man. Yeah, I heard about it, that's why...